How would tou react if she sent you a message like this one?

[searock]

^^ I would thank that if I could.

[Muse87]

"I wouldn't want to be with someone like you either" How can you judge me like this?!?! someone like me, which means? He didn't break up because of my "personnality", he broke up with me because he makes me suffer, he realizes he doesn't make me happy! What is your comment based on?!

[searock]

Well for what it's worth I wouldn't want to be with someone so dependent, weak and indecisive either. Maybe he felt pressured and uncomfortable since he realized that your entire life is based on your (now ex-) relationship with him.

If you want something, do something to get it. Don't wait for others to get it for you. At this point, here is all you need to know: you were unhappy in your ex-relationship, and it is now over. It's time to move on. Go out with your friends, meet new people, do stuff that you enjoy doing. You don't need anybody else in order to be happy.

[Muse87]

Searock, I respect your opinions though I don't agree with them. That's all. We don't share the same vision of a couple.
My friends told me that he loves me, one even told me it was obvisous but he's not capable to manage a relationship for the moment. There are many details I haven't posted in here so I understand your opinion to the extent that most of my sentences don't go in his favour. He has already done many things that proved he loved me and sent me mails etc. But it would take me too much time to translate them all :-s

Also, I don't know if it is due to my low skills in english. I know it may sound stupid to you but when I speak in french to my friends (my native langage) and quote the messages of my bf, they are not pessimist. None of them think he's being manipulative of whatever. And when I say friends, I'm talking about girls AND boys. I know I am still very young, I am only 24 but many of my friends are 31,32,38 etc ans I like very much talking with them and especially their experience...and whan I talk about my bf, none of them think he's a douche. They just say that he has feelings but has "troubles controlling" his own life, my english is bad and I'm afraid you construe it wrong :-s

[Muse87]

Dependant? Can you please explain how I am dependant? You have to be aware that he doesn't know that I'm so "dependant" as you say! I never call him, rarely texte him, only when I do not feel good! and it is not so often! You must think the opposite because I spend my time writing here but he doesn't know that. I am everything but not dependant!
He doesn't feel pressured, he even told me several times that what he loved about me is the fact that i am very independant!!!! You are judging me so wrong O_O

[Muse87]

Dependant? Can you please explain how I am dependant? You have to be aware that he doesn't know that I'm posting here! I never call him, rarely text him, only when I do not feel good! and it is not so often! You must think the opposite because I spend my time writing here but he doesn't know that. I am everything but not dependant!
He doesn't feel pressured, he even told me several times that what he loved about me is the fact that i am very independant!!!! You are judging me so wrong O_O

[Muse87]

Dependant? Can you please explain how I am dependant? You have to be aware that he doesn't know that I'm posting here! I never call him, rarely text him, only when I do not feel good! and it is legitimate! and it is not so often! You must think the opposite because I spend my time writing here but he doesn't know that. I am everything but not dependant!
He doesn't feel pressured, he even told me several times that what he loved about me is the fact that i am very independant!!!! You are judging me so wrong O_O
How can you say that?!

[searock]

Fair enough. So... what do you plan to do? Just wait until *he* (eventually) makes the next move?

About the dependent thing... I was assuming that you contacted him more often, my bad. Still, the messages you sent him that you posted on this forum reek dependency issues. You periodically tell him that you are feeling miserable because of his behavior. Yet you do NOTHING to change the way you feel, instead you keep waiting for *him* to change. To me, that is being dependent: when you aren't able to do things for your own, instead you wait for others to do them for you. When your happiness depends on what another person does or tells you. That's what I meant.

[Muse87]

Dependant? Can you please explain how I am dependant? You have to be aware that he doesn't know that I'm posting here! I never call him, rarely text him, only when I do not feel good! and it is legitimate! and it is not so often! You must think the opposite because I spend my time writing here but he doesn't know that. I am everything but not dependant!
He doesn't feel pressured, he even told me several times that what he loved about me is the fact that i am very independant!!!! You are judging me so wrong O_O
How can you say that?!

I feel like you really don't understand me O_O I belong to a minority of persons who are NOT dependant at all! It's just that his behaviour makes me suffer but I NEVER contact him, I have ALWAY let him do what he wants, NEVER asked him to let music down and stop seeing his friends!

How can you judge so fast O_O you don't know me, I can't believe this O_O. If a girl who never writes to her bf, and never calls him is dependant, then what is a girl whi texts her bf everyday???!!!! I would almost bet that you have never dated a girl like "me" who never contacts you?

[Muse87]

my entire life is far from being based on our relationship...

[Muse87]

Fair enough. So... what do you plan to do? Just wait until *he* (eventually) makes the next move?

About the dependent thing... I was assuming that you contacted him more often, my bad. Still, the messages you sent him that you posted on this forum reek dependency issues. You periodically tell him that you are feeling miserable because of his behavior. Yet you do NOTHING to change the way you feel, instead you keep waiting for *him* to change. To me, that is being dependent: when you aren't able to do things for your own, instead you wait for others to do them for you. When your happiness depends on what another person does or tells you. That's what I meant.

But this, he doesn't know it.

[searock]

No, I don't feel cared for and happy, I spend most of my time crying, and I don't feel loves but I love him and that whats holds me back.

This is being dependent. You shouldn't be spending most of your time crying because of what your bf does or doesn't do. You don't feel happy and you should actively do something to change the things that are making you unhappy.

How can your bf not know something so fundamental about your personality? Besides, messages like the last one you sent him are clear enough (and it wasn't the first time you sent him something similar).

[Muse87]

What makes you think I can't do anything while I'm waiting? I go out see friends, go to the movies, I play the piano, I work. I am not sticked to my phone and mail box waiting for him to answer me.

[Muse87]

This is being dependent. You shouldn't be spending most of your time crying because of what your bf does or doesn't do. You don't feel happy and you should actively do something to change the things that are making you unhappy.

Okay I exagerated, I dont spend most of my time crying, It was just a way to say that i was unhappy. But I haven't cried that often, just a few times, and I wrote that that day because I was feeling bad, that's all. It happens to cry. But honestly, I don't cry this often, I exagerated.

[searock]

Ok then. It's good that you keep yourself busy then : ). If you really aren't as desperate as you sometimes sound on this forum, then I'm sure things will be ok no matter what he does. I still think that you should take the reins so to speak, and decide for yourself what you want in your life.

If what you want is to wait for him to do something, that's fair enough I guess. Keep us updated if anything happens : ).