Do Men Prefer Male or Female Counselors?

[Gigabitch]

I want/hope my guy can learn to adjust to no longer living the single life. It seems like he's having a hard time not being able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and having to, instead, consider my feelings and/or schedule. Not that he needs to come to me for everything. He doesn't. There are just some circumstances that require couples to communicate more and plan more, not just do whatever one of them would like. (If you need me to spell that out too, just let me know.)

Hoo. Yeah. Um, I'm wondering about what indication he gave that he was ready to move in with you, because I don't see it. It seems to me like you're trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I don't mean to disparage him, but it sounds like the timing of your relationship is off.

Guys settle down when they're ready, and you can't make then ready. He doesn't sound ready.

Maybe he'll warm up to it as you progress, but I think you've got to set up some better patterns right away or you are never going to be happy living with him. It shouldn't be this sucky- you're supposed to be in the honeymoon phase still.

[Mish]

Mish's metaphor for negotiation. Step 2 after you've figured out exactly what you want. This is the part will make or break your relationship. Ppl don't have to agree w/your plan, or even compromise at this stage in a relationship. Good luck.

Say something like "Honey, while we are heading in this direction which is great. Why not stop here and here for these reasons that affect both of us? It's on the main road, we don't need to change directions." Now instead of doing 180 and looking for a missed turn all he needs to do is stop somewhere and wait for a bit. It's a lot simpler. The worst he can do imo is grudgingly comply.

[IndiReloaded]

Say something like "Honey, while we are heading in this direction which is great. Why not stop here and here for these reasons that affect both of us? It's on the main road, we don't need to change directions." Now instead of doing 180 and looking for a missed turn all he needs to do is stop somewhere and wait for a bit. It's a lot simpler. The worst he can do imo is grudgingly comply.

Is that really how you'd want an issue phrased Mish? LOL, you know I think you're great but at some point, one does need to get away from the metaphors (which are really just for thinking about the issue) & just say:

'Honey, I feel xxx when this happens. I'd really prefer if you could do xxx. Can you help me with this, because its really bothering me.'

Now the ball's firmly in their court.

[Mish]

Bust my balls Indi why don't you

Just bust my balls

[IndiReloaded]

Bust my balls Indi why don't you

Just bust my balls

Sorry Sweet, just trying to help. No offense intended.

[celestialxs]

LOL! Thanks you guys. I really appreciate all the advice.
Indi, you're right. I completely misunderstood what you were talking about. Thank you for clarifying for a very slow me.

In response, I WOULD like him to set aside certain times to spend with me and certain times to spend with his buddies, rather than just making plans with them (like he would when he's single) and then telling me later after I thought we both had the night free. He doesn't discuss this stuff with me, he just plans it.
Also, I'd like to be able to speak to him in a way that doesn't make him feel like I'm "competing to be Alpha-Male" (as he called it). Hence, my reference to better communication. I'd like him to open up more by telling me what's on his mind, what HE needs & wants out of our relationship, and what's bothering him at the time. Not just bottle it up until he's too frustrated to be in the relationship anymore. This has to do with his "map." I've asked him many times to give me a chance and open up...but he just prefers to handle everything on his own. Once again, I'd like him to get out of that single mindset and work with me.
I want us to work with each other, not alone, or against one another. If he has a rough day at work, I want him to talk about it and allow me to give him a massage or fix dinner while he watches TV. If he doesn't communicate these things to me, then it looks like he's come home and ignored me and just wants to go out with a buddy or play computer games with his friends. If he can just tell me that he's had a rough day and let me know what would really help, then I wouldn't feel so hurt when he doesn't spend time with me. I'd help him because we'd be a team, looking out for each other.

I hope I'm not being too vague again. Like I said, sometimes I'm slow understanding what others are getting at. That is a personal goal of mine with counseling. I no longer want to misinterpret others' words and actions.

Giga, as for the moving in together subject...it was actually HIS idea to move in together. Maybe I was naive in assuming that he wouldn't have offered if he didn't feel ready. I do agree with you though, he doesn't seem ready whether he thought so at the time, or not.

I don't think any of this matters now. He wants to "talk" tonight. I know him well enough to know what that means...

BTW, I found a counselor and am making an appointment today. I'm going to need it...


Still, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it.