Mixed Signals?

[smackie9]

Just an update. Told him I liked him and alas, he doesnt feel the same! But at least I know now, and I also know I can face my fear of rejection and get over it. Interestingly though he was being totally ambiguous. Never actually said he didnt like me he just said that we "were too good friends so it would be awkward" that it wasnt "black or white" and that "it might happen in the future, never say never". This slightly pissed me off coz Im not just an option but how and ever, he was clearly just flattering his own ego and made the mistake of being a bit assholeish purely because he was just trying to be nice. Think im with the "hes just not that into you" ideas for future though, if a guy wants me he'll make the effort!

Hey it goes both ways. Subtle hints don't always work. There's a lot of guys out there that would like to see girls make an effort too!

[haxan]

Just an update. Told him I liked him and alas, he doesnt feel the same! But at least I know now, and I also know I can face my fear of rejection and get over it. Interestingly though he was being totally ambiguous. Never actually said he didnt like me he just said that we "were too good friends so it would be awkward" that it wasnt "black or white" and that "it might happen in the future, never say never". This slightly pissed me off coz Im not just an option but how and ever, he was clearly just flattering his own ego and made the mistake of being a bit assholeish purely because he was just trying to be nice. Think im with the "hes just not that into you" ideas for future though, if a guy wants me he'll make the effort!

Some of us told you, indielover. But I applaud you for having the courage to ask anyway. You seem like a great girl, unfortunately not everyone we get feelings for feels the same way about us.

Now, listen to me again...please. It WAS black and white, he's not into you. He tried to be as nice as 'he' though possible in an awkward situation. Don't hold it against him.

[indielover]

Ah sure, I think I just wasnt gonna believe it til I heard it from him you know.. At least I know I have the balls to admit my feelings tho-which is a BIG step up for me. Ironically bumped into a real good friend of mine out last night who i hadnt seen in a bit, he admitted he was mad about me and we hooked up. So sometimes things happen for a reason I think, coz if I was still wondering about the other chap I wouldnt have given him the time of day. So happy out-moving on and up!

[indielover]

Some of us told you, indielover. But I applaud you for having the courage to ask anyway. You seem like a great girl, unfortunately not everyone we get feelings for feels the same way about us.

Now, listen to me again...please. It WAS black and white, he's not into you. He tried to be as nice as 'he' though possible in an awkward situation. Don't hold it against him.

Oh dont worry, I get that he was just trying to be nice about it. Wont be holding it against him at all coz you cant help how you feel, and also timing etc. always affects these things! Appreciate the advice tho guys!

[haxan]

I only say that because years ago I had a girl friend, that I only looked at as a friend, but I knew she was developing feelings. Once I sensed that, I had a talk with her and told her that I really valued our friendship, but that it was just that, and if she had to have more we probably shouldn't be so close.

She said oh, no problem, we're just friends, don't think anything else. So all was good for a few days and then I got my mail and she had wrote me a 3 page love letter, which to be honest, was the sweetest, most genuine, heartfelt letter I've ever received. But it basically ended our friendship forever. Kind of unfortunate, but be careful of your feelings

[indielover]

Oh dont get me wrong haxan. I only clarify coz im the kinda person i just need to know one way or the other. like im all good being friends with him once hes not leading me on. once i know its all good! but i see where ur coming from!

[smackie9]

I only say that because years ago I had a girl friend, that I only looked at as a friend, but I knew she was developing feelings. Once I sensed that, I had a talk with her and told her that I really valued our friendship, but that it was just that, and if she had to have more we probably shouldn't be so close.

She said oh, no problem, we're just friends, don't think anything else. So all was good for a few days and then I got my mail and she had wrote me a 3 page love letter, which to be honest, was the sweetest, most genuine, heartfelt letter I've ever received. But it basically ended our friendship forever. Kind of unfortunate, but be careful of your feelings

I wish more people saw this post. I can't count the times that a poster (mostly guys) still wasn't satisfied with a verbal "not interested in a relationship" but still proceeded to send a love letter thinking that would do the trick. That if they knew just how much they loved them they would accept they should try.....fail.

[IndiReloaded]

she had wrote me a 3 page love letter, which to be honest, was the sweetest, most genuine, heartfelt letter I've ever received. But it basically ended our friendship forever.

Actually, I think love letters are amazing, even if they aren't always welcome. I've been on the receiving end of one from an ex (long time ago) and I have many from my husband when we were dating. The one from my ex was terrifying to receive. It must've been even more terrifying for him to write. But I respected him greatly for having the courage to lay everything out, even if it didn't turn out the way we hoped.

But yes, those emotions really do war with our more sane cognitive processes. C'est l'amour!

[murdock311]

I was attracted to a girl for awhile, but was attempting to pursue another. So occasionally I would mention the one I was pursuing in front of the one I was attracted to, but wasn't planning on asking out (for some weird reason), hoping she would get slightly competative and ask me out, which she eventually did and we went out a few times. Though nothing came of it (just not compatible), some guys (like me) WILL do this.

Just ask if he wants to hang out alone sometime and see if he makes a move. If after 3 dates/hangouts he doesn't do anything, then he isn't that interested.

[haxan]

Actually, I think love letters are amazing, even if they aren't always welcome. I've been on the receiving end of one from an ex (long time ago) and I have many from my husband when we were dating. The one from my ex was terrifying to receive. It must've been even more terrifying for him to write. But I respected him greatly for having the courage to lay everything out, even if it didn't turn out the way we hoped.

But yes, those emotions really do war with our more sane cognitive processes. C'est l'amour!

After we had talked, I have to admit it was kind of a surprise to open the mailbox and see it, but I knew exactly what it was. She was an English teacher, so it was really well written, which was nice

Ya, it was one of those instances where her emotions won her over, and she felt she had to say things to me from her heart, and couldn't move forward without having said them. She had the opportunity in person a few days prior when I had laid everything on the table, but her feelings were much deeper than I had thought, and she obviously wanted me to hear her out without saying anything, or interrupting.

I dated a writer (mostly LDR), and we ended up spoiling each other for life with our intensely erotic literary musings and subsequent phone 'conversations'. Amazing would definitely be a good definition of those love letters. After that I met my wife, and well, she's good for a sweet paragraph a couple of times a year