Why do men cheat?

[smackie9]

statistics are bollox. I don't believe that at all. Some men cheat for sexual reasons, some for emotional reasons. Some women cheat for emotional reasons, some women cheat for sexual reasons. It is just a stereotype that men cheat for sex while women cheat for emotional reasons. What about all these men who have never had a one night stand or a fling-nor want to? And many men have had emotional affairs. It is 50/50.

OH f uck here we go again. I said more likely to, not the EXACT reason. Are you that bored dear that you have to fly in with both talons to make yourself feel better?

[michelle23]

Nah im just sick of people believing every BS stereotype they read. I think what you said is bollox and I stick to that

[bearz]

Girl, you have anger management issues if you threaten people at their work place. After all is was your boyfriend's fault, not the girls'. You should have pulled a knife on him and ditch his ass. He could have put a stop to all of it before anything happened, but he didn't. So yes, you're right, he doesn't love you. But then why stay with him if you're going to hook up with other guys anyway? What's the point? Cheating on someone just because they cheated on you is very immature. Don't you value a serious and loving relationship?

[smackie9]

You can't argue with nature Michelle. It's a fact men are 1000 times more sexually driven than women and women are more emotionally driven. Over the decades yes the gap has narrowed but men are still in the lead by a small margin. Equality between men and women will never be 100% ever because we give birth. Additude towards sex and cheating will never be on a level playing field unless women start injecting themselves with tesoterone. You can stomp your feet about "stereo types" because reasons for cheating is varied but the reality is when it comes down to one thing with men, it is about sex.

[dickriculous]

This has been a question that every woman asks about a man why do they cheat? If you have everything you need at home and have the best woman ever why cheat. it makes no sense at all men mess up perfectly good relationships to dip in another woman cup of pudding. why not talk to you girl and see what her views are on have another woman. honestly I'd rather him do it in my face rather then behind my back at least i know what he's doing. but doing it without causes it to be cheating. If a man wants an open relationship say it! its so much better to be open and honest then your giving that woman a chance to see if she wants to be with you or not. the problem with this is if the shoe was on the other foot a man would dump a woman in a min. but a woman is suppose to hold on and believe in her partner. men get so insecure about just as women do. please tell me why this happens?

I can't tell you why it happens universally, because it doesn't happen universally. I can, however, tell you why it happens to you

I went through a phase in my early twenties where I basically viewed all women as whores, I allowed a few shitty ones that I allowed into my life to make my views toward them one-sided and cynical. I said many of the same things about them that you're saying about men "Why do they cheat? Why are we men so loyal and women such cheating whores with no sense of loyalty? Why do women have no honor?" etc.

My views toward women during this time were pretty extreme, I basically saw them as good for absolutely nothing but sex, the idea of romance, love, and committing to one was a joke to me.

Now what type of women do you suppose I attracted into my world with the attitude toward them that I had? The only valid answer is exactly the ones that would reinforce my preconceptions of them.

Here's how this works. You take on an idea, any idea. In this case it's "women are reprobatory whores there for me to use". You allow this belief to become deeply ingrained into your subconscious. It gets reinforced a bit because, let's be honest, every single one of us has dealt with shitty members of the opposite sex. You hold to this belief stronger because of that. The belief becomes so deeply rooted that you begin (subconsciously) pushing anyone and anything that could undermine this belief away from you, in my case it was the good women - the ones I may have actually wanted to commit to. The belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - as my focus on that aspect of womanhood became laser-like and tunnel visioned, I drew that aspect of womanhood toward me like a magnet. The more of that aspect of womanhood I drew toward me, the more my negative preconceptions of women were reinforced and the more they were reinforced, the more I unknowingly drew myself toward the worst of what womanhood had to offer. It's a vicious cycle and it can go on forever if you let it. The decent girls I met at this point in my life were few and far between largely because of this, and even the decent ones I would nitpick for things to judge in order to reinforce my prejudice - and believe me, when you have this negative of an attitude toward a group of people it's not hard to find things about them to demonize, even the very best of them.

I guess this is what life coaches mean when they try to teach their clients that you get what you focus on in life.

Give yourself a reality check here, because you sound like you could be doing something similar toward men that I was doing toward women. Maybe not to the same extreme but definitely along the same lines.

And don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. No mentality will guarantee to keep you away from people who might hurt you, I'm just saying ANYTHING is better than the trap mentioned above.

[michelle23]

You can't argue with nature Michelle. It's a fact men are 1000 times more sexually driven than women and women are more emotionally driven. Over the decades yes the gap has narrowed but men are still in the lead by a small margin. Equality between men and women will never be 100% ever because we give birth. Additude towards sex and cheating will never be on a level playing field unless women start injecting themselves with tesoterone. You can stomp your feet about "stereo types" because reasons for cheating is varied but the reality is when it comes down to one thing with men, it is about sex.

Where are you getting this info from? An article on the internet? Women are just as sexually driven and men are just as emotionally driven. Yes there are the few exceptions-the assholes that treat women like shit but there are women like that too that are just as bad. I don't believe that men cheat for sexual reasons. Only narcissists and sex addicts do. The rest of them who cheat-cheat for emotional reasons. Because they are either insecure, emotionally immature or unhappy.

And what does giving birth have to do with it. Many men want kids just as much as we do and many men make fantastic husbands/fathers. If men really were supposed to sleep around all the time-none of them would ever love a woman or a child.

You are old school Smackie. You believe everything you have been told all your life to believe about men and "nature". Well its not just women that are changing smackie-men are too. And that gap is closing in more and more. I love our modern men.

[Starnique]

Dickriculous, that makes a lot of sense. As for everyone else I have learned to trigger my anger towards him and not the woman unless she knows about us. Therefore, I have a problem with her too. However, me and him are not considered together right now and I have no intentions of taking it there with him. I dont why me and him still kick it.

[smackie9]

The thread title should read, "why do women choose to be with men who cheat......."

[Starnique]

Well, I will keep posted so when that question comes about one of you women can give me a direct, 100 % sure factual answer for the perfect solution to the woman's problems.

[Rowen]

Dickriculous, that makes a lot of sense. As for everyone else I have learned to trigger my anger towards him and not the woman unless she knows about us. Therefore, I have a problem with her too. However, me and him are not considered together right now and I have no intentions of taking it there with him. I dont why me and him still kick it.

Just keep remembering you're worth more as a human being than to be in a relationship with someone who disrespects you by cheating. You WILL find better, Starnique. Never give up hope, okay?

[Maple1714]

I have often wondered why some of my friends (women) are repeatably cheated on by their male partners....I wonder why they keep choosing the wrong men? To me it's easy to spot a cheating man...you can just see it in their eyes. You meet a man, look them in the eye and can tell pretty quickly if he is very sexually driven...and after a few encounters you can tell if that attraction is just between the two of you or every woman he sees. At that point, it's up to you (the woman) to choose this man as a partner or not.

OP - choose better men...that's one of your gifts as a woman...that's part of being a woman. Learn how to choose the right man. Mother's really need to teach (as much as we can anyway) their daughters this at an early age.

[Starnique]

Just keep remembering you're worth more as a human being than to be in a relationship with someone who disrespects you by cheating. You WILL find better, Starnique. Never give up hope, okay?

Thanks, I appreciate that.

[Starnique]

I have often wondered why some of my friends (women) are repeatably cheated on by their male partners....I wonder why they keep choosing the wrong men? To me it's easy to spot a cheating man...you can just see it in their eyes. You meet a man, look them in the eye and can tell pretty quickly if he is very sexually driven...and after a few encounters you can tell if that attraction is just between the two of you or every woman he sees. At that point, it's up to you (the woman) to choose this man as a partner or not.

OP - choose better men...that's one of your gifts as a woman...that's part of being a woman. Learn how to choose the right man. Mother's really need to teach (as much as we can anyway) their daughters this at an early age.

That is true. I really like how you put that.


The weird thing about my situation is I dont really want him, its just hard for me to see him with someone else. I dont want him with anyone else but I dont want him. I know its childish. Its like I can move on and so can he but when the two of us see us getting too serious with someone else, we want each other all over again. I dont know if its the way I grew up but I try to hold to hold on what I want in my life.

Every hurt I ever been through came from a man, straight up. Its hard for me to be gentle, to be soft. Like with my father, he and I are closer now but at one point he tried to say I wasnt his I was like 12 but he was married to someone else and he told me this when I was like 12, that he didnt know. I went home to my mother mad at her and she grabbed a bat, I kid you not and drove me to his house, she knew exactly where to find him. She said come on, get out the car. She said to him dont you ever lie to my daughter and some other choice words. His wife said, come inside trying to hide from the neighbors, my mother was like hell no, I want it to be known and eventually he apologized to me. Smh. We closer now but I remember him being married and he used to visit me until he start trying to deny me Then my mom got him straight. I dont know why he pulled that because he know my mom isnt a joke. She always been really pretty but her attitude is terrible her disposition. Thats another topic in itself. So we straight now but you can see thats why Im territorial sometimes. I dont know if any if of that makes sense. I like to hold on to what I got.

I toy around with him sometimes because I want him to hurt like I did.

[PradaChanel]

I have often wondered why some of my friends (women) are repeatably cheated on by their male partners....I wonder why they keep choosing the wrong men? To me it's easy to spot a cheating man...you can just see it in their eyes. You meet a man, look them in the eye and can tell pretty quickly if he is very sexually driven...and after a few encounters you can tell if that attraction is just between the two of you or every woman he sees. At that point, it's up to you (the woman) to choose this man as a partner or not.

OP - choose better men...that's one of your gifts as a woman...that's part of being a woman. Learn how to choose the right man. Mother's really need to teach (as much as we can anyway) their daughters this at an early age.

That made me think about this guy I know. Its always in the eyes, just that look. Your right.

[pcmaster]

Just hear someone saying that if women have ten men that means she is having a one man. That means if women cant find everything she needs in one man she will find it ten men.