How long is standard in your minds....

[starbuck]

If a piece of paper and a ring kept people together longer, there wouldn't be as many divorces as there are.

[lesa]

Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying, but what I gathered was that because I feel that I shouldn't have to be on the verge of marriage before living with someone, I'm "wanting to have my cake and eat it too." Not every guy decides that he's going to not worry about commitment once they start living together.

Stating your opinion is fine, but if you want to avoid ambiguity when responding to something I say, don't tell me why I'm choosing to think a certain way.

I am very opened and interested in your opinions. Can you elaborate more on your reasons? I didn't mean to have you feel defensive. I am really curious.

[lesa]

Perhaps not everyone feels they need to engage in outdated rituals, exchange hollow vows, or wear shiny little rings of overpriced metal just because they want to share their lives with each other.

If a piece of paper and a ring kept people together longer, there wouldn't be as many divorces as there are.

So we do really believe the same things.

I haven't gone into very much details but another major reason I have discussed and believe in is the legal benefits that marriage gives. That's one of the reasons I am for it and is important especially when the unexpected happens. Marriage doesn’t give you love and I’m not old fashioned lol.

[lesa]

Also living together doesn't guarantee a lifetime together. We are 'having our cake and eating it too". There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

[lesa]

Those corrections are what I would go for too, but in most cases 4 & 5 are switched around and problems occur.
I would even say that #7 KIDS, comes before #4 in some cases and you really need to evaluate where you want to be in your life before you even considerate something like that.

Can you elaborate?

So really this goes back to my horrible phase of "having your cake and eating it too". Nothing's wrong with that but understand what it is.

Like I said, absolutely nothing is wrong with that.

[Cain]

I am very opened and interested in your opinions. Can you elaborate more on your reasons? I didn't mean to have you feel defensive. I am really curious.

When my ex and I were actually talking about marriage, we decided to wait until we had a single ceremony. We also agreed that we wanted a very nice wedding. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to spend money on a nice wedding. Because of that, we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding for several years.

When I was initially planning to move there, it would have been pointless for us to get separate places and still spend every night at the other person's place. We're college students so it's not like we're making a ton of money.

If we were both through college with a good income, then we'd probably have separate places but we'd still have most likely spent nearly every night together.

[misombra]

Also living together doesn't guarantee a lifetime together. We are 'having our cake and eating it too". There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

i don't get it.

[misombra]

When my ex and I were actually talking about marriage, we decided to wait until we had a single ceremony. We also agreed that we wanted a very nice wedding. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to spend money on a nice wedding. Because of that, we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding for several years.

When I was initially planning to move there, it would have been pointless for us to get separate places and still spend every night at the other person's place. We're college students so it's not like we're making a ton of money.

If we were both through college with a good income, then we'd probably have separate places but we'd still have most likely spent nearly every night together.

eh, go to vegas and save up for the divorce.

[lesa]

i don't get it.

Living together gives you the marriage feeling without the marriage ‘strings attached’ and little legal issue whenever a breakup may occur….basically the ‘easy way in/out’. It gives no guarantee just as marriage gives no guarantee but at least marriage holds you somewhat responsible to the ‘commitment’ given to each other and (unfortunately--maybe) the legal benefits. I know of couples who were very, very satisfied in their relationship and seek marriage for the legal benefits. I see nothing wrong with not wanting to deal with the responsibilities of marriage or the decisions of the couples in my example and I see nothing wrong with any of the decisions or lifestyle arrangements. I just come to these pros and cons for my own life and how I want to live.

I thought about these things for a very long time. It didn't come to me overnight.

[misombra]

there isn't an easy way out either way. if you think it would be less devastating for people who have been together for a long time to break up if they aren't married than if they were, well then you haven't been through it.

the only difference it makes is the law is involved in your relationship.

[lesa]

there isn't an easy way out either way. if you think it would be less devastating for people who have been together for a long time to break up if they aren't married than if they were, well then you haven't been through it.

the only difference it makes is the law is involved in your relationship.

Devastation is not what I mean. I knew that may be misunderstood and I was hoping I did not have to clarify.

What are the pros and cons to living together? Is it better or worse than marriage? Why live together rather than marry? What do you enjoy most about living together? What do you dislike about marriage?

Are any of these reasons 'right' or 'wrong'?

[lesa]

there isn't an easy way out either way. if you think it would be less devastating for people who have been together for a long time to break up if they aren't married than if they were, well then you haven't been through it.

I've been through enough but I wasn't trying to get that personal in these opinions for the OP. I won't go to that kind of details on these forum...at least not anytime soon.

[misombra]

i'm not saying it's wrong, i'm just trying to state my opinions.

[lesa]

i'm not saying it's wrong, i'm just trying to state my opinions.

Oh, in that case I agree. I agreed with your post before this one too. I thought you wanted me to clarify about devastations in any relationship hehe.