disappearing acts

[Jazzersize]

And I just can't seem to understand why he has done all this to me...

Sex.

What an idiot. How could he possibly be dumb enough to give you enough info to track him down? Wow. Don't worry. He'll try again and he'll **** up so bad his wife will find out. He's going to pay for his idiocy someday soon.

[Wakeup]

Karma IS a bitch.

[tremolo]

Why do I feel like I'm the one reaping all the bad karma.... ??

[tremolo]

Sex.

All that to get some strange? I doubt even sex with a dynamo like me is worth it! (And I'm only half kidding.)

[Red Apollo]

You need to stay strong. This guy was bad news, and unfortunately he had to find a nice girl to take advantage of. You certainly didn't deserve this, no one does.

It might not have just been sex. Maybe he doesn't get the emotional attention he wanted from his wife. He could have just enjoyed the thrill of having a girl on the side, maybe the challenge of juggling his wife and another girl. Maybe he was just a scum bag who has done this multiple times before for no reason other than the thrill of the chase. I wouldn't focus so much on why he did it, as it doesn't really matter why. It wont change what he did. There isn't really any excuse that could justify it, or even soften the blow you just had to take.

[oneandonly]

Y......Maybe he was just a scum bag who has done this multiple times before for no reason other than the thrill of the chase...it doesn't really matter why....

Maybe? No, he's definitely a scumbag. And that is why he did what he did. So, Op, you do know 'why' now. I am so glad that it has ended there. It could've been a lot worse, you know?

It's horrendous to feel what you feel right now but it is true that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Laugh it off. Don't be bitter over this as you have done nothing wrong! I would feel nothing but pity for him being such poor soul. Honestly, what a sad guy!

[vashti]

I wouldn't focus so much on why he did it, as it doesn't really matter why.

I agree with this. There really isn't any answer he could give you that would make you feel better about it.

Sorry this happened to you, my friend. If it makes you feel better, I think it has happened to a lot of us. You certainly aren't alone.

[Wakeup]

I agree with this. There really isn't any answer he could give you that would make you feel better about it.

Sorry this happened to you, my friend. If it makes you feel better, I think it has happened to a lot of us. You certainly aren't alone.

Heres some tips that will help the next person so this doesn't happen to them:

Never screw a guy until he's taken you to his home. If he hedges or makes excuses on doing that, or if he won't meet in his part of town or he won't give you his home number or he only contacts you during daylight/working hours, or they only see you during the week (never on weekends or holidays) then you can be pretty sure they're otherwise involved and you've been "Jazzed." Do not become totally emotionally vulnerable to a guy until he allows you into his personal life. EVER! Words are nice but they are only words. Pay attention to actions and don't ignore red flag behaviour.

Why do I feel like I'm the one reaping all the bad karma.... ??

This is not your Karma, Tremolo... this is about you learning life lessons and you becoming stronger and confident about what is good and not so good for you. Learn the lesson and forget the rest. Unfortunately there are far too many people who do what this tard did to you.

[url]http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-Your-Date-Is-Married[/url]

[tremolo]

This is all very good advice Wakeup. I'm devastated by all this, but I'm glad it wasn't any worse than it was. I am SO glad I didn't sleep with that asshole. And yet I'm really miffed I know I will never hear another peep out of him now... I am getting so tired of guys - married or not - just peacing out with no explanation or apology.

I'm never dating anyone seriously again without doing a background check.

[Wakeup]

Okay, this is where YOU come in. Stop falling for guys so quickly. I remember your thread when you first met this guy and I told you then to chill, that it had only been two weeks and you were talking like you were already in love with him and trusting him far too much at that point.

It's a sad state of affairs to have to tell you that you need to be LESS vulnerable and trusting until a man has earned your trust. Gone are the days of decency and honour. With the advent of online dating and it becoming less of a stigma to belong to one has brought out the worst both men and women who premeditatedly cheat as a regular past-time. The time of innocence is gone.

Take some time away from men for a while and do some reading about Pick Up Artistry and How men percieve the psychology of women so you'll be able to read a player from the get go and you'll be able to disappear on him but you'l be kind enough to tell him before you do.

Please don't take offence. I've not told you anything I'd not tell my own daughter.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tremolo, I love chicks like you. You know, overconfident people are the easiest to fool. They've got their heads in the clouds, and all you need to do is feed their ego to get what you want from them. I think you feel entitled to prestige, so you were willing to look past his misgivings too.

If I read correctly, you were dating for months and never had sex? I don't see how you expected not to be dropped, without response, like you were. Regardless of him being married, he doesn't owe you anything. Do you normally wait that long, or was it just because of his disappearing?

Anyway, your attitude is nothing short of comical, and I think you had this coming, and will continue to have it coming until you change your mindset. You said yourself it's a pattern. It's your attitude. Women that are high on themselves are some of the easiest prey out there, and I can pretty much get away with anything because things like, "he doesn't care", just don't cross their minds. Feed the ego, let them think they're the one in control, then drop them when you're done. That's just in general though, I think in this case he was just waiting it out until you did sleep with him. When I meet a girl that is adamant about 'waiting', I hate letting them win, so I just date other girls while I wait her out and he was probably doing the same. My guess is he found someone he liked better, before you slept with him. Lucky you.

Come back to Earth, it's not so bad down here.

[Wakeup]

I'm never dating anyone seriously again without doing a background check.

You won't be the only one doing this. BUT. Don't strictly rely on a background check. Remember to keep your emotions closer to your chest and pay attention to actions that show you that he values you. Pay less attention to flowery, romantic words and actions. Understand that pre-requisit actions to getting in your pants don't count as actions that show you how he values you. Pay attention to red flags and pay attention to your gut and manipulative words and actions. Love yourself enough to NOT be afraid to kick a guy who is being sketchy immediately to the curb. Have a better abundance mentality so that you will always know there will be others (there always is) and you'll not put up with crap for a minute longer than you have to and you'll leave them before they leave you.

Try dating a different type. The one's you're attracted to appear to not be a good match for you.

[oneandonly]

Tremolo, I love chicks like you. You know, overconfident people are the easiest to fool. They've got their heads in the clouds, and all you need to do is feed their ego to get what you want from them. I think you feel entitled to prestige, so you were willing to look past his misgivings too.

If I read correctly, you were dating for months and never had sex? I don't see how you expected not to be dropped, without response, like you were. Regardless of him being married, he doesn't owe you anything. Do you normally wait that long, or was it just because of his disappearing?

Anyway, your attitude is nothing short of comical, and I think you had this coming, and will continue to have it coming until you change your mindset. You said yourself it's a pattern. It's your attitude. Women that are high on themselves are some of the easiest prey out there, and I can pretty much get away with anything because things like, "he doesn't care", just don't cross their minds. Feed the ego, let them think they're the one in control, then drop them when you're done. That's just in general though, I think in this case he was just waiting it out until you did sleep with him. When I meet a girl that is adamant about 'waiting', I hate letting them win, so I just date other girls while I wait her out and he was probably doing the same. My guess is he found someone he liked better, before you slept with him. Lucky you.

Come back to Earth, it's not so bad down here.

lol. I know it's not addressed to me but I couldn't help it. I found this whole post so funny.

Wow, I am so sure that she would've felt so much better if she had found out he's married AFTER she slept with him!

What's her waiting got to do with anything? He's a scumbag who tried to allure a girl to bed while he's married. Pure and simple. If a guy genuinely likes a girl and sees a future with her, what's a big deal of waiting a few months? You will have it for the rest of your life if it's the right person. Is it that wrong to be wanting to be reasonably sure before you sleep with a guy?

I am saying this from Planet Earth by the way.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I didn't say she'd feel better, I just said he doesn't owe her anything.

What's her waiting got to do with anything?

I was asking that as a general question, since she said guys do this to her all the time. If she usually makes guys wait that long, well, it's probably a got a great deal to do with why this happens to her frequently. Good looking, wealthy, fun guys generally don't like waiting and generally don't need to...

If a guy genuinely likes a girl and sees a future with her, what's a big deal of waiting a few months?

He has no idea what she'll be like in bed. He has no idea how often she will want to have sex. He has no idea whether the relationship will last or not. It would suck to date a girl for 3 months, get to like her, then find out the only position she's willing to do is missionary, or she doesn't give head, or she thinks sex once a week is plenty, or something along these lines.

In dating someone for that length of time, you're bound to meet other potential partners, and if it's that early on and you're not getting laid, then you're probably actively looking for other partners that early.

[tremolo]

BackUpOrGetStng , I hate to tell you, but you have me all wrong. You think I'm some hoity toity girl with my head in the clouds? Yeah, no... sorry. Not me. I don't feel entitled to anything. Do I think I'm a great catch and very deserving of love? Absolutely. Do I think I have no competition when it comes to men's interest? Absolutely not. I was a fat, frumpy, silent kid for years, and although I'm told now I'm a beautiful, scintillating woman, quite regularly in fact, I have somewhat of an inferiority complex, which is perhaps why I fall for douchebags sometimes. Ugly duckling syndrome, I guess.

Just because I didn't have sex with him doesn't mean I wasn't sexually involved. We were involved in fact, and from the conversations we had, he knows exactly what kind of awesome sex we would have had IF he had managed to sort out a space for us - at least, BEFORE I found out he was married. Once I was sure of my feelings for the guy, and felt I could trust him (ironic, I know) I made it clear I was ready for him as soon as he could get us alone - and I made it clear I only wanted it to happen in his house. I'm thankful now he never made it happen because I obviously would have regretted it once I found out he was attached.

Him moving on - or whatever, since none of us really know what made him leave - had nothing to do with me holding out on sex. If he really wanted to make it happen, he should have got his wife out of his house or made some alternate arrangement. I don't think I'm entitled to anything - and so what if I made him wait awhile? Quite frankly, I'm worth a bit of a wait. I don't expect a man to wait forever, but I think the fact that he hung around as long as he did speaks to how amazing he knew the sex would be with me. I'm almost positive he knew sex with me would be much better than it apparently was at home. My sex drive is higher than most men's, and part of the reason I was so enamored of this guy is that I realized from our conversations that we were very sexually compatible - i.e., we were both extremely adventurous, and had a passion for sex. I have no doubt that if we had slept together, the sex would have been off the charts.

All that to say, I don't believe he left because he had to wait for sex, or because he found someone 'better'. Perhaps things got complicated at home, or he found someone with whom sex was easier, since my home life is quite complicated and prevents me from doing what I want at any given moment.