Phobia of Sex

[lemonfool]

I'm pretty late on the reply but I have to say, I feel the same way as you do. I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we still haven't had sex. The first year or so, I believed that it was his own fear that kept us from doing it when my sexual desire for him was as its peak. Now I'm discovering that I really am uncomfortable with even thought of sex and avoid it at all costs. I like cuddling and kissing but anything more sends fear through my body. The things he says to me make me uncomfortable, much like how your boyfriend talking about anal made you. I feel crazy and so alone - as if there is no one else in the world that feels as I do. I used to be the one to initiate the first moves and thought of myself as the dominant one..I still love him to death and want to marry him someday. Unfortunately, I've got this wall up and can't manage to talk to him about it.
My view of sex wasn't always negative, however, so our situations differ a bit. i have had a couple weird incidents happen to me though.
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If anyone feels up to offering me any of their opinions, it'd be much appreciated.

Background:
-Happy childhood and no knowledge of ever being sexually abused or such. however, when i was 4 my neighbor who was 7 put a diaper on me when playing house. my sister told my mom and ever since she has thought my neighbor to be a pervert. i still remember what happened and we were just playing as kids. my mom said a few years ago that my neighbor probably molested little kids. i really don't believe that. she was 7!

-when i was 11 or 12 me and my best friend both had huge crushes on these 2 boys in our grade. we decided that someday when we were teenagers we would date them and have sex. so essentially, we got the idea to have what we called 'practice sex' with each other. it was only kissing but it was really my first experience.

-i've always been really shy and had trouble talking to boys. it takes me a long time to warm up to people in general. usually, i'm pretty scared to take a leap in anything and then once i do i'm quite happy i made the decision to do so. it took me a year to actually say out loud to my boyfriend that i loved him. when i did i literally gasped. talking about the first step - kissing, oral - was always me. he'd always put it into play

-i can't reach an orgasm. even doing it myself. i get excited but then nothing. this makes me frustrated when me and my boyfriend are trying to have sex..which leads to the next thing

-i think my real fear of sex comes from thinking that i'm too tight for him to even enter. i remember reading something online where there is a condition where a male can't enter because of a girl either physically not being able to open wide enough or believing it isn't possible and that ends up making impossible. (as a side note, i do wear tampons and he has fingered me). when it comes to sex though i don't think he can fit inside of me.

i'm a whole mess of emotions. growing up i really didn't have negative views about sex. i think i desired it younger than most people which might be a contributing factor. it's only recently that i fear it...anyway, my first gyno appointment is next week and i hope to talk to my doctor about all of this. i feel like a freak more often than not and would like any input.

[King Zarathu]

I disagree. Psychotherapy deals with WHY people act the way they do (was it something that happened in childhood, etc.) whereas cognitive therapy is less focused on WHY, and more focused on changing the resulting behavior. I prefer the cognitive approach because it has an actual goal. Psychotherapy can drag on for years.

What kind of psychotherapists have you been seeing? My therapist and I always have what you all a "cognitive approach." Shit gets done quickly.

Anybody remember how I used to act 2 years ago?

Two years later....


I'm God.

[vashti]

I'm God.

You should ask your therapist why you are still sufferring from illusions of grandeur.

[King Zarathu]

You should ask your therapist why you are still sufferring from illusions of grandeur.

You're still suffering from a VERY serious disorder I call "being female."

[vashti]

Funny thing about this disorder: men REALLY seem to want to associate themselves with it.

[King Zarathu]

Funny thing about this disorder: men REALLY seem to want to associate themselves with it.

It's because they generally don't have brains. They run into all the bullshit associated with the disorder, and they realize, "Shit."

The really intelligent males are gay.

[Gigabitch]

The really intelligent males are gay.

The cute ones, too.

[lovenoob]

if your scarred of whoopin out ur cock and stickin it in. you dont deserve a penis.

[Mathias]

if your scarred of whoopin out ur cock and stickin it in. you dont deserve a penis.

Dude, this is the most ****ing ignorant post of the day.

[Gigabitch]

Dude, this is the most ****ing ignorant post of the day.

Ay, caramba!