Will her feelings ever come back? Any help is greatly appreciated

[RogerPodacter]

There are a few things with you and your ex's break-up that are very similar to what i went through with mine.

She said she was talking about marriage with one of her friends, and instead of thinking about this other guy (who I will mention again in a minute) she imagined me the entire time.

Around 3-4 months after our break-up, while she is now pretty serious with this other guy (i.e. he sleeps at her place every night of the week), i asked her to dinner. We talked about a lot of stuff, and she made the comment about how my personality type clicks with hers very well and she could see us being married. And she couldnt see this other guy as marriage material because of various reasons....but apparently all that went out the window, so just expect the worst.

Apparently she has some feelings for him, even though he is the complete opposite of both me and her, and she spent most of last night in his dorm room just "hanging out." He likes her too, but they aren't officially anything.

Same here, he is complete opposite of me pretty much. I guess girls get bored and want something different. If i learned one things its that you have to always keep the relationship new, exciting and romantic, otherwise they walk. (sarcasm not intended)

She seems confused about what she wants because earlier yesterday, before she spent so much time with him at night, I asked her how things were with him. She said that she really didn't see him as a boyfriend type, and although he hadn't done anything wrong, she really didn't see herself with him. But then why is she spending so much time with him, and why does she claim to have feelings for him?

Again, my ex gave me all kinds of different reasons why she hangs out with this other guy but didnt think she wanted to date him. --> "I dont have any intentions of letting it get serious/He is just kinda there/I'm gonna end it with him next week..." I guess if a guy is persistent he can change girls feelings. I swear i feel like my ex gf was brain washed by this dude.

[soulbroken]

Hey, I know exactly what you are saying but I have already done this.

Keep doing it. And you should message her. Let her know that you are thinking about her. To think of themselves as being in a man's thoughts is very special to a lady. Do things for her that other guys would not think of doing. Invite her to lunch at her favourite place. Buy her chocolates. Flowers. A card with a special poem. Or write her a poem yourself. Do something that will amaze her, something that is totally fresh and unexpected. You aim in doing this is to be in her thoughts more than that other guy.

She said that she really didn't see him as a boyfriend type, and although he hadn't done anything wrong, she really didn't see herself with him. But then why is she spending so much time with him, and why does she claim to have feelings for him? At this point, I am just playing everything cool, and I will see what happens from there. I don't want to get my hopes up on anything happening between us, so I am just going to keep moving on with my life until the point that I am completely over her.

This is what I am talking about. Don't fade away! Focus, focus, focus. If you fade away she will let you. Interrupt the process. Get into her life as much as you can without annoying or stalking her. Get in her headspace. Cause her to think of plans with you instead of plans with him. You need to understand that there is a mathematical concept at work here called ratio. This is bareboned primal competition, and she is assessing her prospective mates to see which one fits her life the best. So you win her time back, and make sure that the ratio falls in your favour. Fight for her love, don't just fade away. She is unsure about you, so don't make that decision easier for her by failing to enter the fray. If she is really who you want to be with then it is worth the effort, even if you don't succeed.

[Soccer2928]

Keep doing it. And you should message her. Let her know that you are thinking about her. To think of themselves as being in a man's thoughts is very special to a lady. Do things for her that other guys would not think of doing. Invite her to lunch at her favourite place. Buy her chocolates. Flowers. A card with a special poem. Or write her a poem yourself. Do something that will amaze her, something that is totally fresh and unexpected. You aim in doing this is to be in her thoughts more than that other guy.


This is what I am talking about. Don't fade away! Focus, focus, focus. If you fade away she will let you. Interrupt the process. Get into her life as much as you can without annoying or stalking her. Get in her headspace. Cause her to think of plans with you instead of plans with him. You need to understand that there is a mathematical concept at work here called ratio. This is bareboned primal competition, and she is assessing her prospective mates to see which one fits her life the best. So you win her time back, and make sure that the ratio falls in your favour. Fight for her love, don't just fade away. She is unsure about you, so don't make that decision easier for her by failing to enter the fray. If she is really who you want to be with then it is worth the effort, even if you don't succeed.

I agree with you to an extent. I think I need to be a constant mainstay in her life as a friend, but I think that the cards, chocolates, flowers, etc., may not be the right thing for this time. I think all of that stuff would probably just push her away because she still doesn't have those feelings for me right now, and I don't think that would be smart. We had a great conversation today that lasted almost 2 hours, and during that time, she confided in me some things about this new guy. She told me that she doesn't see herself having a good relationship with this guy because she doesn't see him as a "best-friend" type, like I was to her. She said that she can't talk to him about stuff that me and her used to talk about, and she doesn't really know why she likes him, he is just different (I don't really know what that means?). She said that he won't even take her out on a date because he won't take a weekend off from his partying and getting drunk (sounds like a real winner right?). Well I tried to convince her that she deserves so much better than that because she is a great girl and she is a wonderful person, but I don't know how much of that got through. I think she will just have to see for herself and end up getting hurt by pursuing this guy because I know things between them won't work out. In the mean time, I will be her friend and get on with my own life, because even if we never get back together, I've realized that there is someone else out there who is even better for me.

[Soccer2928]

There are a few things with you and your ex's break-up that are very similar to what i went through with mine.



Around 3-4 months after our break-up, while she is now pretty serious with this other guy (i.e. he sleeps at her place every night of the week), i asked her to dinner. We talked about a lot of stuff, and she made the comment about how my personality type clicks with hers very well and she could see us being married. And she couldnt see this other guy as marriage material because of various reasons....but apparently all that went out the window, so just expect the worst.



Same here, he is complete opposite of me pretty much. I guess girls get bored and want something different. If i learned one things its that you have to always keep the relationship new, exciting and romantic, otherwise they walk. (sarcasm not intended)



Again, my ex gave me all kinds of different reasons why she hangs out with this other guy but didnt think she wanted to date him. --> "I dont have any intentions of letting it get serious/He is just kinda there/I'm gonna end it with him next week..." I guess if a guy is persistent he can change girls feelings. I swear i feel like my ex gf was brain washed by this dude.

Hey. I understand that things can happen between them, but I just honestly don't see anything working out between them. I believe in your situation, you have mentioned that this guy who your ex is now with, liked her for years and he made sure to do all of the right things and make her feel special. Well this guy that my ex is interested in is pretty much giving her the shaft, similar to the other guys she has dated since we broke up. Sure, she claims that he likes her and they spend time together, but what kind of guy won't take an evening off from his drinking and partying to take her out on date, like my ex has claimed? There has been interest on both of their parts for about a month now, and if this guy hasn't even done anything remotely close to being nice for my ex, then I just don't see her putting up with it much longer. I figure that they will either get together and see where things will go from there, which is still very possible, or she will get fed up with the way he is treating her and she say the hell with it, like she has done with those other guys. In either case, I don't know what will happen between my ex and I, and right now I am just working on being her friend, and concentrating on other things so I can move on.

[soulbroken]

Man, I'm begging you to try something. Ask her on a date if this guy won't do it. The flowers, chocolate, poem, thing would work if you would just give it a chance. This other guy is different, but I don't think he is any more than a curiosity at this point in time. Of course, your objective here is not to allow him to become any more than a curiosity, and the longer that she sees him, the greater the chances are that she will be lost to you forever. We all know that you don't want that. You are too close to the forest to see the trees, meaning that your emotions are still too raw to be objective about the situation.

Soccer, you sound like a really classy guy who cares a lot for this girl, and when I look at you compared to this other guy, the decision that she should come to seems like a no brainer. But there is obviously something that is holding her back from you at this point, and it is up to you to find out what you can do to push all of the right buttons. It's no easy feat, but it is necessary if you want to keep her.

To know that someone you care deeply for has lost feelings for you is not an easy thing to come to terms with. That absence of feeling can seem like a wasteland of such expanse that it feels near impossible to ever find your way home again. You're in a desert without a compass, searching for that oasis, and you keep coming up with mirage after mirage. It's a surreal and unnatural place to be, as it doesn't feel right when the things you are used to doing seem inaccessible. It doesn't ever feel natural to walk away from something that you really desire, or to inhibit love feelings that you think you are better off for having felt.

Don't give up. Keep searching for what is right, and don't discard anything until you try it. Send her flowers with a note. If you can't afford it, pick some and give them to her personally. Trust me, it may not win her back, and it would be foolish to assume that a small act like this could do so. But each small act will bring you a step closer to the point where she could change her way of feeling about you. I know that you think it may be inappropriate to do this because she doesn't have those feelings for you right now, but I'll bet if you knew that it would change the way she felt towards you just a little, then you wouldn't hesitate. Don't be passive. Be a little bold, not too bold, but a little. Take a risk. If it doesn't work, then you are no worse off. I think she cares enough about you to accept such gifts graciously, and who knows what? I'll bet that this other guy isn't doing this sort of thing. Just try, you gotta give me that.

[Soccer2928]

Man, I'm begging you to try something. Ask her on a date if this guy won't do it. The flowers, chocolate, poem, thing would work if you would just give it a chance. This other guy is different, but I don't think he is any more than a curiosity at this point in time. Of course, your objective here is not to allow him to become any more than a curiosity, and the longer that she sees him, the greater the chances are that she will be lost to you forever. We all know that you don't want that. You are too close to the forest to see the trees, meaning that your emotions are still too raw to be objective about the situation.

Soccer, you sound like a really classy guy who cares a lot for this girl, and when I look at you compared to this other guy, the decision that she should come to seems like a no brainer. But there is obviously something that is holding her back from you at this point, and it is up to you to find out what you can do to push all of the right buttons. It's no easy feat, but it is necessary if you want to keep her.

To know that someone you care deeply for has lost feelings for you is not an easy thing to come to terms with. That absence of feeling can seem like a wasteland of such expanse that it feels near impossible to ever find your way home again. You're in a desert without a compass, searching for that oasis, and you keep coming up with mirage after mirage. It's a surreal and unnatural place to be, as it doesn't feel right when the things you are used to doing seem inaccessible. It doesn't ever feel natural to walk away from something that you really desire, or to inhibit love feelings that you think you are better off for having felt.

Don't give up. Keep searching for what is right, and don't discard anything until you try it. Send her flowers with a note. If you can't afford it, pick some and give them to her personally. Trust me, it may not win her back, and it would be foolish to assume that a small act like this could do so. But each small act will bring you a step closer to the point where she could change her way of feeling about you. I know that you think it may be inappropriate to do this because she doesn't have those feelings for you right now, but I'll bet if you knew that it would change the way she felt towards you just a little, then you wouldn't hesitate. Don't be passive. Be a little bold, not too bold, but a little. Take a risk. If it doesn't work, then you are no worse off. I think she cares enough about you to accept such gifts graciously, and who knows what? I'll bet that this other guy isn't doing this sort of thing. Just try, you gotta give me that.

Soulbroken, I appreciate all of the advice, but at this point, I just don't think any of that would work. Recently, before I told her that I was moving on, I broke down on the phone with her, and I was simply bawling. I laid everything out and left everything, all of my feelings, emotions, etc., on the phone with her that day. I told her that I loved her more than anything on this earth, and that if I was poor, living on the street with no money or prospects but I had her then I would be a happy man. Just stuff like that. I was completely drained after that conversation, and I mean, everything that I could have possibly said that would have made her love me again was said that day. But guess what? It didn't have any effect on her. She is at a point in her life where she is doing something completely different, and she is doing all the things that she didn't do when we were together. I think that she thinks that if we got back together that things would be boring, and she is having too much fun right now to sacrifice any of that for a relationship. There is nothing I can do or say that will change her mind about all of this. In fact, yesterday she was telling me that she missed being in love and missed having someone love her, and I asked her what if I still was in love with her and wanted to love her like that? She told me that it wouldn't matter because THOSE type of feelings aren't there for me right now. But I honestly feel that all of the fun she is having right now will get worn out and tired, and maybe when that time comes I can take your advice and do those things, but until she gives me ONE reason to hope that we will get back together, I am going to continue to move on with my life and get over her.

[Soccer2928]

Hello everyone. The friendship between my ex and I seems to be going pretty well. I am sort of keeping my distance (letting her contact me first and keeping the conversations for the most part brief), getting on with my own life, but I am also there for her if she needs me. We talked for about an hour tonight, and some of the "serious" relationship stuff was brought up again. Like I suspected, she is having too much fun right now at this point in her life for a serious relationship (I am almost positive that this is just a phase), but I know for sure that she still has feelings for me. She says that she can see a possible future for us (like we are meant to be together), but now is just not the right time. I told her that I am most definitely not going to wait for her, and if I happen to meet someone else who wants the same things that I do, then me and my ex would be over for sure. She, of course, got defensive, and said that if we are meant to be together then in the end we will be. I made it a point to let her know that I am not going to be waiting for her, and I am on my way to moving on. I also warned her that if I do meet someone, and my ex comes running back to me, that I would not give her a chance because she has had numerous chances in the past. So she knows for sure that I am not going to be waiting for her, and I am moving on with my life. If this fun time in her life is just a phase like I think it is, then I think she will eventually realize that I am the right person for her. But at this point, I have to assume that her feelings are not coming back, and I have to continue to move on without her.

[Smooth as Sand]

[QUOTE=Soccer2928]Hello everyone. The friendship between my ex and I seems to be going pretty well. I am sort of keeping my distance (letting her contact me first and keeping the conversations for the most part brief), getting on with my own life, but I am also there for her if she needs me. We talked for about an hour tonight, and some of the "serious" relationship stuff was brought up again. Like I suspected, she is having too much fun right now at this point in her life for a serious relationship (I am almost positive that this is just a phase), but I know for sure that she still has feelings for me. She says that she can see a possible future for us (like we are meant to be together), but now is just not the right time. I told her that I am most definitely not going to wait for her, and if I happen to meet someone else who wants the same things that I do, then me and my ex would be over for sure. She, of course, got defensive, and said that if we are meant to be together then in the end we will be. I made it a point to let her know that I am not going to be waiting for her, and I am on my way to moving on. I also warned her that if I do meet someone, and my ex comes running back to me, that I would not give her a chance because she has had numerous chances in the past. So she knows for sure that I am not going to be waiting for her, and I am moving on with my life. If this fun time in her life is just a phase like I think it is, then I think she will eventually realize that I am the right person for her. But at this point, I have to assume that her feelings are not coming back, and I have to continue to move on without her.[/QUOTE/]

Hey this is my first post and I think your doing the right thing man,just keep looking for the right girl youll find her and if you do get with your ex again then hey maybe you guys are meant to be.Good Luck.