Had an affair, got pregnant!

[QUEEN]

hoi, I was quite amazed to read your story and your honesty of all that happened to you. I share almost the same situation as you. I had a relationship for 5 years and 7 months but I moved 3 years away with the idea that he was coming to joine me as he promised, he in turn put all my hopes up and never lived up to his promises, i even gave him an ultimatum to choose between living up his promise and to come and be with his only son or to continue to pursue his selfish desires and to my shock he said he will pursue his desires, thisjust broke something in me, i wanted to break up with him but he never wanted to break up.
in the summer he promised me something again and after 3 years of waiting on him i finally thought my prayers had bean answered, once again he made me to believe him, but failed again. a few days after this i needed some time out to think so i went on a vacation for 4 weeks and i met an old friend which i knew for many years prior, so we went on a few dates, but never thought to go any further. after a few weeks i grew to like his personality and felt so comfortable because he was honest to me, he let me meet his family and knew about my situation. Now, feeling so at ease before I traveled back home, we went out one more time and we finally slept together after 15 years of knowing this man I never thought this would happend on the day of me leaving, once again we spent the hours before i left together, I felt free and young again and i do not regret those moments at all.
this is where the problem came, I went back to soort out my long-distance relationship, I decided it was over but he just did not take finish for an answer so he wanted to make it work and we decided to try, but my heart was not there anymore, but i just got used to him, I wish i could tell him about my summer romance but I could not. Once again i returned to the other country that i lived to be a single mother again. To my amazement a few weeks later i became ill and as you can guess ''jack pot'', I AM PREGENANT.
from a beautiful summer romance which gave me the feeling of being free again.

my point is, no matter what happened I believe we can not avoid destiny, good or bad memories at least you got the chance to experience the comfort of someone who took the time to spend with you, because you were niglected by the one you were with.
I am not saying that you should have done what you did or that i should have done what i did, i am just saying, stop living in regret and take care of the memory, one day that man who got you pregnant will look for you, but in the meanwhile take care of you and your children.
no one is perfect we all have or will one day do something which others will want to judge us for.

Cheer up, love yourself and love those children to the best of your ability, if your partner really had put you first and not leave you alone so many times this would never have the chance to happen, he left a gap in the relationship, maybe because he was enjoying himself elsewhere in one of his out of state trips that he went to, so you just gave him a reason to go with the perfect cover up for his infidelities.

you ever think about that?

[Aeradalia]

What a load of crap Queen... nobody twisted your arm or the OP's and made them cheat. Broken relationships do not 'push you over the edge' thus causing you to cheat. It's a conscious decision that you make all on your own. A failure to stop and think.

So what if the day was lovely and perfect? You still CHEATED...

So what if the other person was unfaithful? Two wrongs do not make a right...

Fate, destiny... even these concepts allow for concepts such as being held accountable and responsible for one's actions ... reaping what you sow.

There are children being brought into these messes of failure to control one's heart or sex drive or both. Remember that... children who will one day be adults knowing they were conceived through infidelity.

[QUEEN]

While you are so obsessed with your perfection, the case still remaines that 'Calla' was troubled, and as she has already seen her wrong, at least she has bean honest and open, she does not need a whole set of judgemental ''do gooders'' to constantly pursue her in a ''witch hunt''.
As for the children, who told you that your parents never messed up when they had you, take your head out of the clouds.
Yes she, cheated, yes she is regretting what she has done, yes she is having a baby from someone who wants nothing to do with her at the moment, yes she was married.
the case is that she just needs to live with the reality and if she and her husband is mature, they can find a way of keeping their private life away from the children at the moment.
So, do me a favor we all know that you are perfect and never made a mistake in your live so go on and give your advice to someone who is as perfect as you are, what a booring life you would have. In life a person can not give unpartial advice or have understanding of someones pain unless the person has gone trew something as the other.

[Aeradalia]

How childish... you're going to use the 'you're so perfect' argument against me?

There are plenty of people who never cheat and go through far more pain than you or the OP. This is an inherent weakness in your character... a lack of self-control. Nobody made you do anything. Accept the responsibility that you failed... you failed yourself and complicated your life even further. But hey, if that makes your life more 'interesting' compared to my apparently 'boring' life... so be it... but at least take the precautions to keep from conceiving. It's all fun and games till someone gets hurt.... namely the child that didn't ask to be brought into this mess.

Rest assured... I have been through considerable pain before... and still never had the inclination to cheat. Sorry, the thinking in my mind always was either fix the relationship or leave... not go out, find another man while still in the relationship and have sex with him. Why? Aside from it being morally wrong... it never solves your problem, only adds more... such as getting pregnant. But I guess you and the OP have figured this out the hard way.

Take responsibility for your actions... stop the name calling of others who see where you failed (so what if the truth hurts? it's still the truth)... admit that you did wrong, learn from it, and for the love of god, if you can't restrain yourself... use protection.

[lovesjoyajm]

In life a person can not give unpartial advice or have understanding of someones pain unless the person has gone trew something as the other.

Silly, the point of LoveForum is so you CAN get impartial advice from people who have their own experiences to draw from that you DON'T have. We're not going to tell you "awww, it's ok to cheat, we know he was an asshole to you" like your friends might be inclined to do.

If you want sympathy, go to your friends. If you want impartial advice from various people with various life background, that's what LF is here for.

[noize]

if you weren't happy with your man, you should have left.

if you wanted to stay with your man, you should have taken the time and trouble to work it out.

these are the only two choices for a person who values integrity.

if your ex came back at this point, would you really respect him?

[Kaius]

Shouldn't have had the affair baby. There are times when abortion is necessary.

[Petit Papillon]

Old shit, thread closed.