I am a jerk

[corinthian]

What are you afraid of? That she'll dump you for your indiscretion? That's her choice. I think you are adding insult to injury by removing that choice from her b/c you are too afraid to face up to your actions.

I suppose that, while I am a bit worried about being dumped, it is more the moral opprobrium that will follow from that that is a concern. The reactions I am getting in this thread are reinforcing that but obviously I can recognise this as my problem.

I am also worried about my wife's reaction, not in terms of outbursts or anything, but just in terms of how it will make her feel about herself. She is clinically depressed and suicidal.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience and I do think that what I will do is have some counselling and work towards a confession because I can see you are right.

[IndiReloaded]

Most people posting here have never been *through* the experience, so they post more from what they hope would be their response in a similar situation. Its easy to judge when one hasn't been through the fire.

That doesn't make them wrong, btw.

I know just how hard it *isn't* (sic) to own up to one's marriage problems. Every married couple goes through some kind of crisis if they stay together long enough. Its a character-building, self-defining time of life for you.

I shared b/c you said you wanted some advice from real life experience. So there you are. Hope it inspires you to make good, whatever that means to you. Good luck, Cor.

[Gigabitch]

If it makes you feel any better, my husband has had some very weaselly tendencies and he has made a lot of progress working on them. A couple of the changes that made that possible were that he learned that it is in no way acceptable to lie to me ever, about anything, and that included "sins of omission" and that he started taking full responsibility for his actions.

Taking responsibility is different from accepting blame because it implies that it is the person in question's PROBLEM and not just his fault, and that means that he has to fix it.

YOU need to fix this, corinthian. You can't keep pretending to be someone you're not to avoid unpleasant consequences. There ought to be a little voice in your head telling you what you should do. It's your conscience. Listen to it.

[Pikabu]

Your wife deserves someone better suited to her life goals. Why are you wasting her time, and yours?

From reading your original post, I'd say the LAST thing you need is another woman in your life to feel inadequate for.

Do you and your wife a favor and divorce...do NOT start dating, as it's obvious you aren't ready. Seek counseling with a behavioral therapist, and ask that therapist to refer you to a good psychiatric nurse practitioner that can evaluate whether some medication might help. You say you're not depressed, but you also sound like someone that has trouble accomplishing goals and focusing. Maybe something like adderall could help.

[IndiReloaded]

Druuggss.... drugggs, drugs is the annnswer...

Its not *me*, its my illness.

Google for Will Harley's stuff while you wait for your counselling appt, Cor. 'Marriage Builders'.

[misombra]

lol you are only fuking yourself.

[IndiReloaded]

Not sure whether to file under axiom or advice. Probably both:

Billy's father picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the acting roles for the school had been posted that day, he asked Billy if he'd gotten a part.

Billy nodded happily and enthusiastically announced, "I play a husband who's been married to his wife for 20 years."

"That's great, son," his father replied. "Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."