Issues with my wife.

[Gigabitch]

I have never cheated on anyone and don't think that it's acceptable. I feel that my ex drove me away and I broke up with him BEFORE I turned to someone else.

[Indignant]

I have never cheated on anyone and don't think that it's acceptable. I feel that my ex drove me away and I broke up with him BEFORE I turned to someone else.

the final result is still the same no matter which path you take.

[cal dave]

Dave, maybe you should get some friends too. Just saying... she might have something there with the whole idea that living for each other at the expense of everything else is possibly unhealthy.

I agree, it is unhealthy. I'm not an idiot, I know there are things that I need to work on too. Despite my age I'm waaay more mature than others that I know.

The way that I see it, we have gone through the power struggle stage and if we are going to continue with this relationship we need to move into a commitment stage.

I really don't care how we got to this point and barring me finding evidence that she did in fact cheat on me, I'm willing to work with her to reconcile the differences.

[cal dave]

the final result is still the same no matter which path you take.

One way at least shows respect for the person you are with.

[IndiReloaded]

why don't you marry him Indi and then tell us what's wrong with him?

What's wrong, Dig, is that he's being too tolerant of his lying, weasel wife. She probably secretly wants him to grab her by the scruff of the neck during sex, tell her that if she ever even THINKS of screwing around with another guy, that he will dump her ungrateful ass faster than yesterdays used chamber pot. This is a woman desperately in need of a shock, IMO.

I don't think there's too damn much wrong with this guy, based on his posts. Just a guy trying to keep his wife happy and his marriage together. But your wife isn't respecting you right now, Dave. Fix this. You don't need to be an asshole, but take back your self-respect and let her know she's screwing up an otherwise perfectly good relationship.

[Indignant]

but every one who posts here is perfect and great looking and great in bed and... just go through the posts and all the complaints. it's always the other person who is wrong.

[IndiReloaded]

Whatever Dig. You are coming from the perspective of someone who has never actually worked through relationship issues, you got divorced twice by your own admission.

I'm coming at it from another view. I think he sounds pretty normal. And, based on what I know about women, chances are she's the one stirring the pot.

Dave, if she still loves you, then it won't hurt you to shock her a bit like I said. Be smart about it, but do it. B/c if she gets to the point where shes actually convinced herself you don't really care and its over, then you'll be hooped and shocking her will only send her on her way that much faster. Make her THINK about what she has to lose.

Anyway, I gotta go back to work.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're right about the power struggle, Dave. I just hope she's still willing to fight for it, you know? The marriage you have isn't working, but you might, between the two of you, be able to make one that will.

[vashti]

Biggest complaint is that I don't let her do whatever she wants.

Since no one else asked, what do you mean by this? How do you prevent her from doing what she wants?

[IndiReloaded]

i know i posted the whole ordeal about my divorce before, too bad you don't remember.

I didn't read it, or I don't remember TBH. Anyway, don't get all defensive, I'm just saying that it seems that those who have managed to walk 'through the fire' of marriage problems and come out on the other side seem to see things a bit differently.

And yes, I admit I do hold an opinion of folks who have been through multiple divorces. Same as I would be about someone who's quit their job under difficult circumstances more than once. Problems of this sort do not happen in vacuums and it is almost never the problem of only one party. Multiple recurrence suggests that someone isn't learning from their experiences.

But of course, no one is an island, and no one is blameless in these things. But I have most respect for the person actually trying to move FORWARD in these situations, not the one prolonging the pain. Dave gets my kudos for this aspect of their problem and I'm willing to help out accordingly.

[Indignant]

some MEN are hopeless, and no amount of time are worth retraining them. if she has tried everything possible and he still is not the right individual for her, no reason to crucify her. he needs to understand that if he is not able to make her happy mentally or physically the relationship is doomed.

[The_bobb]

...She probably secretly wants him to grab her by the scruff of the neck during sex, tell her that if she ever even THINKS of screwing around with another guy, that he will dump her ungrateful ass faster than yesterdays used chamber pot...

LOL!!!!! I'm so pissed i didn't think of this the last time i dated someone that was cheating on me

[cal dave]

Since no one else asked, what do you mean by this? How do you prevent her from doing what she wants?

Example:

We live about 5 hours from her parents. She wants to go see them for the weekend. She wants to leave on Friday morning. I can't get the time off of work so I'll ask her if we can leave after I get off. She says no she does not want to wait. She leaves on Friday morning, and I get upset because she didn't wait for me.

She wants to go hang out in bars and comes home at 11-12 almost every night of the week. I give her S**t about it and its as if I'm a controling husband who won't let her do what she wants. Please excuse me if I'm out of line but I don't think it is proper for my wife to be at a bar 4 times a week.

She wants to go to a club that is 1.5 hours away from our house and spend the night in a hotel room with one of her girlfriends. I tell her that I'm not that comfortable with it because of the trust issues I mentioned above. She has a s**t fit and calls me controlling again. Yet if I were to ask her to go to the same club and do the same thing (which I have) she would turn me down.

All the above stuff is in the past and I am trying not to get too caught up in all of it because I want to move forward. But you asked.

[vashti]

Okay, but the question was: how do you prevent her from doing what she wants? (Not "what does she want to do?")

BTW - I understand you being upset about the bar hopping, but I don't think it's a big deal that she visit her parents without you. Is there some reason you must attend? I have a sister who lives about 5 1/2 hours away, and when I visit her (and drive rather than fly), I like to get an early start, too. Also, I kind of like to have her all to myself. Perhaps this is the case with her family?

[cal dave]

She probably secretly wants him to grab her by the scruff of the neck during sex, tell her that if she ever even THINKS of screwing around with another guy, that he will dump her ungrateful ass faster than yesterdays used chamber pot.

I'll give it a shot.

LoL!

Through all of this I'm glad I can keep somwhat of a sense of humor. I think it is because I know I'll be OK if it all ends. I'll be sad, but Ok. I know I could almost have my pick of women right now, if I were single. I just got to give it 100% of what I got, or else I would not be able to respect myself afterward.