Longing to be loved 2

[pcmaster]

Oh it seemed like you talk about jester since we started to talk about Jester. Still I want him to answer this too since we are trying to help him find love too.

Anyway thanks for nice words. From beginning I was thinking you talk with me but then Jester is more popular here and he suits your description too.

Im looking for open minded simple girl with open heart. Someone who looks for love just like me. I like chuppy girls. Cant imagine myself with a skinny girl.
My 100% deal breaker would be someone much younger than me like 3 years younger or more. So no younger than 25 years for me.
Sure someone who dont smoke or drinks would be huge bonus. I think drinking ruins relationship since it resets feelings. But so many girls drink that I have given up on it. Theres not that much girls to choose from in my town.

[Snow White]

If I may, I would like to make a quick comment about EJ. EJ, I can tell by your posts that you ARE feeling much better about yourself. That makes me so happy. When you feel good about yourself, you send out positive energy which is felt by others on that wavelength. I don't think you have to actively seek out love at this time or give up on it because you fear losing this happiness you feel now. Just continue to build up the respect and worthiness that you have for yourself and love will find you when you least expect it.

Ok, pcmaster. I'm a bit confused at this point. "we just started dating in spring." Are the two of you dating now? In one of your earlier posts you said she cancelled on you twice. In my opinion, I was going to tell you that wasn't a good sign. Also asking her out on a vacation 5 months away is too far into the future. But if you are dating now, I was completely wrong.

[pcmaster]

We dated in spring, met 4 times and 2 times now in autumn. I know I was spontaneos with offering her vacation but I let her we know that she don't have to agree right away cause travel agency offers trips from now till 5 months in future to that place. Planning to meet this week.

[TheEvilJester]

Oh it seemed like you talk about jester since we started to talk about Jester. Still I want him to answer this too since we are trying to help him find love too.

Anyway thanks for nice words. From beginning I was thinking you talk with me but then Jester is more popular here and he suits your description too.

This isn't a popularity contest. You are just as active and just as willing to help around here as I have been. Don't sell yourself short. You are awesome. Anyway, I figured lovebroken was probably referring to you. Sure, we sort of shifted to me, but this was your thread originally. Heck, it is only because you wanted to that we are even discussing me.

As for me answering lovebroken's question anyway... I can't say I have put much thought to any kind of check list myself. I have never really been one to limit myself. For example, I may say I generally don't find purple women with orange hair and three eyes attractive (intentionally choosing a crazy/fake example there)... but maybe suddenly I meet one who changes my mind. So I tend not to think in terms of "I am looking for ABC." I just either find somebody interesting or I don't.

If I may, I would like to make a quick comment about EJ. EJ, I can tell by your posts that you ARE feeling much better about yourself. That makes me so happy. When you feel good about yourself, you send out positive energy which is felt by others on that wavelength. I don't think you have to actively seek out love at this time or give up on it because you fear losing this happiness you feel now. Just continue to build up the respect and worthiness that you have for yourself and love will find you when you least expect it.

"Fear" is kind of a big no-no word for me. I don't believe in fear and don't believe in allowing it to hold me back. I don't fear losing the happiness I am feeling lately. I am used to feeling miserable and alone. I am used to not feeling comfortable in my own skin. If I fall back into that abyss, I KNOW I can survive it. I KNOW I can crawl out of it. I KNOW I may even become stronger for it. Truthfully, there is just part of me that is sick of that being my default life. Part of me that thinks for once I deserve to just be happy. So, I don't FEAR losing that happiness, I just don't WANT to lose it. I know, I know. That amounts to pretty much the same thing in the end. LOL! Fear is just a bit of a pet peeve for me.

I know what you mean, though. LOL! That's just kinda one of my bizarre little quirks. I really, sincerely appreciate your kind words and thoughts. I hope you are right. I don't honestly believe that. I wish I could, but I do not. But, I would happily admit I was wrong if ever the universe chose to prove me wrong. As I have said, I am not closing myself off to any possibility of love. I AM accepting that I don't think it is likely to happen for me.... but that doesn't mean I wouldn't give it a shot if ever it seemed possible.

[Hooo!]

Actually this is where you are wrong jester.
It does not necessarily have to come to the same thing.
You do not need women. That is why you have nothing (not even happiness) to lose if you meet someone and she proves not to be who you thought she might be.
Instead you Gain happiness by meeting beautiful people and women in your life.
But your happiness doesn’t depending wether they stay (or wether you want them to or not )

If you were just afraid of being hurt it would be harder to just find out wether someone is „interesting“
But you are not afraid. And your happiness has little to nothing to do with women.
And that means you are free to chose who you want to spend time with and who you want to get to know better.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, it isn't always that simple. Happiness can be fickle. Even with that said, though, I'm having a hard time disagreeing with you. I'll admit, part of me wants to cling to that happiness. No matter how much I KNOW I could survive it if/when it goes south, part of me doesn't want to give it a help by giving it the opportunity to go south. But the more I try to think about it in my own head, the more I am realizing.... who really cares? If I try that kind of approach and things don't go well.... I know I can get back to the peace of mind I have now. So, what is there to lose? Really nothing.

Even as I type this it is kind of like the old me and new me are at war. It's almost like I keep trying to convince myself that it isn't a good idea because past experience tells me nobody will ever be interested in me and it will just end in me feeling alone and miserable all over again. But, the truth is I am failing to convince myself to CARE if that happens, because I know I can get back to this peace of mind even if it does.

I guess now all that still lacks is the motivation to try. Like I've said, I've just been enjoying this new peace of mind. So, I've almost been treating it like a little mini-vacation. But... it may just be a matter of time before I put it to good use. Perhaps.

[Hooo!]

You don’t have to go back to anything

You can keep being happy and at peace with yourselve all along, all the time just like you are now too.
You can do so during any interaction with women during relationships or no relationships or whatever.
What keeps you from being at peace in a relationship and or after too?
What keeps you from being at peace wir yourself on a first date with someone you find interesting?

Th funny thing is the old self still has limiting beliefs in place. „I’ll never get a girlfriend“ „no one will like me“ all of those.
But the best part is. Even if they are true (which ofc they are not) that still doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy female company or meeting new persons or women in your live. And it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t have inner peace while doing so.

And the even better part is: women notice this. For them meeting someone who is at peace with who he is as a person and as a man, who knows what he wants, who cares for her and feels for her but does NOT depend on her, man that shit turns them on crazy

[pcmaster]

Yeah a lot of work goes into established man. Girls dint realise this.

Jester you still havent healed full thats why you think no one will like you. Motivation lacks because sex drive lacks. Sexual energy in you is wasted or used in work or not produced so much anymore.

[omgtotallyxo]

I am longing to be loved too. Just a few moments ago, i was fantasizing about my crush roughly removing my panties and then lifting my leg up for a deep penetration. sigh

[Hooo!]

longing to be loved and to be able to love
is not the same thing as getting ****ed properly.
or doing the ****ing

[pcmaster]

Been watching porn omg? Create your own topic, if you dont contribute dont shit in here.

[TheEvilJester]

You don’t have to go back to anything

You can keep being happy and at peace with yourselve all along, all the time just like you are now too.
You can do so during any interaction with women during relationships or no relationships or whatever.
What keeps you from being at peace in a relationship and or after too?
What keeps you from being at peace wir yourself on a first date with someone you find interesting?

Th funny thing is the old self still has limiting beliefs in place. „I’ll never get a girlfriend“ „no one will like me“ all of those.
But the best part is. Even if they are true (which ofc they are not) that still doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy female company or meeting new persons or women in your live. And it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t have inner peace while doing so.

And the even better part is: women notice this. For them meeting someone who is at peace with who he is as a person and as a man, who knows what he wants, who cares for her and feels for her but does NOT depend on her, man that shit turns them on crazy

You are definitely right. I think this is all just so new to me. I've had moments of being utterly miserable and feeling utterly hopeless and alone. I've had moments of feeling great and feeling like I could conquer the world. ....But even in the best of times I have never felt THIS confident. THIS comfortable in myself. THIS happy. It's a weird feeling for me. I guess, as bizarre as it may said, I kind of still don't know what to do with it. I think that's why the old me still nags at me not to bother with love. Because in the past I just never knew how to be casual about it.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't like I'd go up to my current crush and be like "OH MY GOD!!!! I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME! MARRY ME!" LOL! I was never an idiot. Externally, you'd never known it.... but internally I could never seem to just take it easy. It was sort of all or nothing. And, even then it wasn't just for any one specific girl. By that, I mean I was balanced enough to understand that, no matter how much I may crush on a particular gal, maybe nothing would ever come of it... and that is okay. It was more just overall. I get too caught up in just wanting to find love, and I would FEEL that alone feeling all too profoundly.

I think part of me still expects that is what would happen. That if I try and it doesn't go well, it will ruin this newfound happiness. Which, again, I'm not afraid to face that. I KNOW I can survive it. I've said that.... but I still find a reluctance to bother because the old me still can't help but think that is exactly what will happen. And one of the few places where the old me and new me both agree is that I definitely don't deserve that.

So, here I it trying to convince myself it isn't worth it because it will just end in hurt that, whether or not I can survive it, I don't deserve.... and yet here I sit agreeing with you that why should it HAVE to? If I try and it doesn't go well... who really cares? These days, I am all I really NEED.... a girlfriend would just be a nice to have. Jeez, I'm like arguing with myself here. LOL! I don't know. This is all so new to me. Maybe I should put it to the test. Maybe in time I will. I don't know. For now, I am at least just enjoying a level of peace of mind I'd never thought I'd have.

Yeah a lot of work goes into established man. Girls dint realise this.

Jester you still havent healed full thats why you think no one will like you. Motivation lacks because sex drive lacks. Sexual energy in you is wasted or used in work or not produced so much anymore.

Maybe. I don't know. Honestly, I don't know what more healing is left to do. I feel more whole than I have EVER felt. I don't really feel like there is any healing left to do. And, to be honest, my sex drive or lack-there-of has never had that much of a correlation to my love life (or lack-there-of). Nor to me desire (or lack-there-of) to find love. Again, I'm just not wired like most guys seem to be. Sex is great and all, but I can live without it if need be. I have never wanted a girlfriend just because I wanted sex. I wanted a girlfriend because I wanted love, wanted a partner, wanted to share my life with somebody.

As it stands right now, I don't know if any gal could ever like me in that way.... but I don't CARE either. Which is actually good, I think, except for the fact that I'm not using it as I should/could. I should use that new feeling and STILL pursue love. Even if that doesn't mean I actively pursue it, but just that I at least help myself create opportunities where it could happen. Maybe it time.

You guys have really been a BIG help. You've helped me to see things in ways I had never thought of before. You've made me realize things that should have been so obvious to me, yet I was missing anyway. This is all new territory for me. I think I just don't know what to do with it. Hopefully I will figure it out. Hell, even if I never do, though, it is still worth it for how great I feel lately. Thanks guys for all your help thus far.... and in a thread where that wasn't the original topic in the first place. LOL!

[omgtotallyxo]

Been watching porn omg? Create your own topic, if you dont contribute dont shit in here.

Just trying to lighten the mood.

It's sad when some people whine and bitch about not being loved. It's like chasing a unicorn. Most people have a limited capacity to love. They will love you if you are easy to love. If you want to be liked, just be rich or good looking or nice. Offer things of value to people. I wouldn't call it love though.

Why worry about what other people do? Why not be proactive about loving yourself, bringing in things that makes you happy, doing things that brings joy to your life?

[Hooo!]

my point being is that because you dont know what to do with your happiness you can do whatever the **** you want.

If I were you I would not seek love. I would give love. And if I noticed that some person(s) do not give love back or do not deserve it I would choose others instead.

There is a huge difference between going out seeking love to become happy
or being happy and going out giving love, getting to know knew people and by just being happy by their side making a bit of their lifes a better place.
Maybe not for long or not forever, maybe even without them doing the same but its not that this would take away any of your peace of mind or happiness.
And along the way you can enjoy their company.
And the length of your relationships does not matter.
It matters how deep how honest and how happy you both are and it matters how much love you can give the other person, so they feel loved and whole.
If you recieve some back - thats wonderful.
but you dont depend on it.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't depend on it. Not anymore. You are right. That's good. That's really good. The more thoughts and ideas you've shared with me, the more and more it makes sense. I don't know if/when I will be able to get myself to put it to use. Part of me wants to, but part of me says that nobody deserves my love more than ME. Which, I suppose IS actually true for everybody really. We should all love ourselves first. It's just, I'm finding it hard to motivate myself right now to put these new thoughts into action. I'm too busy being happy with myself.

But... you know what... I HAVE been unknowingly kind of doing that here and there. Both with people online, like in Instagram, as well as live and in person.... just so happens I'm usually behind a mask whilst doing so. LOL! But, without even really knowing it, I kind of HAVE already started doing some of that. Who knows? Maybe just a matter of time for this weird guy (he says, pointing at himself with both thumbs and grinning like an idiot).