She cheated and said she didnt love me. I want her back!

[battlingpig]

thats a real shame chazza2k. i think ive typed out a few texts daily but didnt send them, sometimes nasty ones. it makes me feel better writing something down. have you tried meeting up with other girls?

[Chazza2k]

Lol sounds like what I've been doing with the Txting, it alternates being nice, nasty and trying to just sound like a m8, it's weird (none sent mind). At least I think you can have some closure in this, the proximity at my end means this for me isn't going away anytime soon. Haven't been out with anyone else yet no BP, brothers been onto me to do so aswell, told me I'm thinking of it all way too much and the only way beyond it is to get someone else, sound like you agree too.

[xecutioner85]

Hey Battle Pig... I am goin thu a breakup... bt v are not done yet... i have posted a thread with the name "Please HELP!!! My GF thinks she doesnt feel for me anymore and we should breakup" and wen a girl says dat she dnt feels it anymore... she means she have decided she wont see u anymore.... I did try and her reply was she doesnt feel anything.. FINE man if she doesnt feel FINE... she talked abt breakup and i stopped her... bt now i want her say it again... i m ready to take it... when she said abt the breakup i was badly hurt... my heart ached all night, i cudnt sleep... bt thanks to this forum everyone has been quite supportive... because its not only me and you who are going thru such situations... there are many who are supporting us went thru such situation....

Gather courage... and BE a MAN...
What i am planing to do is this... which i think is rite...
I will try to meet her... oderwise on phone....
I'll ask wat she wants?
Wat she wants from our relationship?
her ans wud be breakup....
and i wud accept it and Say... Ok dear if dat u want U GOT IT....
i wont regret over it in future dat i did anything wrong... i was going in perfect relationship bt YOU were unfortunate to have me....

Dats da way I'll stay happy for rest of my life.... it may help u too....

[loudrims_inc]

dont do it!!! She cheated on u, do u really want to live with that thought in your head?!...remember, SHE CHEATED ON U!

I have dealt with a similar situation and TRUST ME, u will think about it. U will become paranoid about her cheating on u AGAIN...its not fun!

if u love her that much and want to do what i did..The way i finally dealt with the situation was:

We went out on a date(in my mind, it was the last date but she didnt know that yet)
We went to a movie, had a nice dinner at a nice restaurant...we were talking and laughing like everything was alright. I told her my true feeling about her and told her how much i loved her. When the night was over, i drover her home...walked her to the door, held her hand and said to her: "this was a great nite, one of the best nites we had in a while, i hope u had a great time"
she replied: "yes i agree, this was an awesome nite, i love u tooo...i love u soo much"

I gave her a kiss on the cheek, and told her: "Listen, we were soo good for each other...what u did to me a few weeks ago killed me...i loved u soo much and gave u all my love, EVERYTHING! u took it for granted and destroyed what we had...i hope it was worth it for u, Goodbye and goodluck with the future"

she was in tears...crying soooooooo badddd...I have never ever seen her cry this much, she called my phone begging to take her back and i refused because i just couldnt live with the thought of "my gf having sex with another man, in my head! I felt sooo good afterwards tho..

Good luck with what ever you decide to do, just be sure its the right decision!

[Chazza2k]

Hey BP,

Met up with the Ex for a coffee today, the idea was to meet as friends both of us talk and catch up, the NC rule seemed to die of death the other day so I figured what the hell and arranged it. It was all good for the first 20mins, a bit flirty, until I mentioned who now knows of the secret (told my brother the lot) then it all was strained, she argued, got hugely annoyed and in the end I guess I finally realised something that really wasn't sinking in, it truely is over with. I kinda new it in my head but now know it in the heart too, I think the only thing that matters to her is the secret being kept, but I guess I can live with it now knowing we are truely done. I kept it friendly, we talked bout old times and had a joke.

Think I really needed to see the look in her eyes as she told me, not sorry I did that now I know there is nothing left there. She does seem to think though that everything good in her life now comes from this new guy, think we both know thats an illusion but I went along with it.

Time to say goodbye I think. Think me and you BP only learn stuff the hard way

Your right loudrims, a girl thats sleeps with someone else isn't the one for you, I guess you speak from experience there, sounds like one hell of a payback you went through though to teach her a lesson. Hope it worked for you dont think that strategy would work for me.

[loudrims_inc]

Chazza2k...im glad u handled the situation and now u have closure. There is plenty of great woman out there, u just have to keep looking but i think u should take a little vacation for now. Most of the time u find "the one" when your not looking(thats what happened to me). Well good luck and best wishes to u.

[battlingpig]

hi chazza2k, i think your right, we both learn the hard way. Its good that you have closure and can move on quicker.

a few days ago i read something on the internet which if followed can get your ex back. i followed it and ive sent her a letter saying i agree with the breakup and that im moving on. she got the letter today and text me. she said 'thanks for the letter. glad to hear things r pickin up for u. i know its a shame it didnt work and i dont regret anything i have loved the times we had together xx.'

i replied saying 'it did work, there were a few problems we encountered near the end which could have been fixed, thats the shame'

she replied 'i know and i do feel bad for not givin u another chance. im so sorry for treating u the way i did, its not usually like me. sorry x.

i havnt replied. what should i say?
i want her back, but i dont want to come accross that way. i need her to try again with me. but dont want to sound clingy and desperate.

[Mish]

Don't say anything. It's over. Let her go.

[Chazza2k]

Sorry BP to be the one to tell you m8, you are still holding onto something that isn't there. I know, you think it is, but listen to her and look her in the eye, if your honest with yourself you know its gone. Sure you can do the reverse psycology trick but it wont last, like my ex they both are with or want other men... I realised that today as much as you dont want to give up and want someone and want to try to keep fighting, you cannot change the way someone else feels, sometimes thats all you can do is really stop trying.

If you really want to put yourself through hell then meet up with her, it may be good for a few days, you may even get close, then she will dump you all over again. Perhaps you feel you need to try, I felt the need to meet but it really didnt go the way I had hoped but I realised something I never did before, Its OVER! TRUELY OVER!!

I agreed to be friends with the Ex, bantered and joked on TXT, I kept it friendly this time, Its up to me now if I ever want to talk again but somethings just not the same anymore... I know that now...

Do what you need to BP, hope you take theses words on board.

[SS Gal]

battlingpig, as you focus on your ex and trying to get her back, you are preventing yourself from moving forward and healing. As outsiders, we can all see what is so painfully obvious. She is stringing you along. She does not want a relationship with you. One post you seem to be doing better and then on the next post you've lost ground. Go back and re-read what has been said in this post. NOBODY is telling you to give her any more of your time. Life is too short to be unhappy or spend your efforts on people who don't deserve you in their life. You will get over her and get through this, just set your mind to it and make it happen. Good luck.

[loudrims_inc]

let her go...if she cheated on u once, she will probably do it again...eventually

[Diabolito]

You have to realize the push/pull theory.

When you pull for her (telling her you want her back, you miss her and so on) she push you away. Its what women are genetically coded to do.

If you try to go on and life your life. Have some fun. Actually trying to move on, you push her away. And guess what ? She will start pulling for you again, and you will hold the cards. If you play them right, you'll get her back.

But understand, you can under no circumstances let her know, you're hurting. Don't get angry or depressed when you talk with her, but don't ignore her either. Be the cheerful, happy, confident guy she fell in love with. Give her the impression, that you think that you broke up, was the right idea, even though you in your heart disagree.

This will start a "fear of loss" in her. She will start to wonder about you. Think what you're up to, what you're doing, if you're dating and so on.

Get alot of pictures taken and put on facebook. Go on dates. Write it in your status "Out with Jill..." Or whatever. Don't overdo it, so its too transparent. Keep it subtle.

Of course this is no guarantee, but its the best way.

I did the same thing, you did the first time. Almost begging her to come back, writing letters. Everything. Nothing worked. It actually pushed her away. I'm in the middle of a break up too, and I'm going for the above listed method to see where it takes me. But I've only heard good things about it, from both guys and girls. Its definately the way to go, if you want another chance.

[Chazza2k]

Diabolito,

That sounds like a lot of effort to move forward whilst thinking of her consistantly, aren't you really never getting beyond her? by letting everything you do in someway being about her.. Its basically using anyone you can to make a statement "oh look you weren't that important too me" all in the hope of trying to get her back. Ask yourself is she really worth all that effort? She left you remember. What if all these efforts don't work?

Perhaps it can work if that strategy is played out from the very begining but I think after everythings happened, she knows how he feels and how he has reacted, to somehow, start to act in that way I think would be completly obvious. Am in total agreement with loudrims here, SHE CHEATED on you and is now using you for whatever else, once you accept the Fact, and get it in your head you can move forward. I also get the feeling even if you do get back with her, its not going to be the same anymore.

[Diabolito]

Well, might be. But the reason I don't see any harm in this, is that you truly and honestly try to move on while all this is going on. Her seeing you move on, is maybe too much to bare and she will contact you. If this happens, its up to you whether or not, you will give it a shot to have her back.

Regarding Facebook; Its not to be evil or mean. But girls do long for what they can't have. Especially if they see their x-boyfriend happy on pictures, maybe even standing next to some mysterious girl. But ofc no kissing on pics etc.

[Chazza2k]

I do see the logic in that somewhere Diab, theres always the possibility as you move on you can find someone better than the Ex in the process, then if she wants you back, you may not want her back at all by that time. My Ex being with someone else now means though she really got over this a lot faster than me, but you are right in a way, she always knew when an Ex of hers had someone new in there lives. People like to compare themselves to others I guess.

Your right though that the almost begging, emailing and pleading is really the worst strategy there is in trying to win someone back. Guess we all to go there though to realise it...