Help dealing with a naive girlfriend :/?

[Nightshade]

I'm going to be the bad guy here and side with the OP. I mean come on, at best her behavior is unprofessional and naive.
Sure, the guys she works with sound like piggies, but I'm willing to bet she has elicited their response with provocative behavior. Whether or not her actions are intentional are kind of irrelevant. I would be so upset if my boyfriend was this oblivious and I would certainly speak to him about it. If you really believe she's dumb, but good-natured, I would help her look into a few "female empowerment" courses. It may help to open her eyes to the world around her and prepare her to deal with awkward, inappropriate situations with grace and assertiveness. But I would really, really think about that though. SURE, you may have been the only man she's been with for a long period of time, but that doesn't mean she has not had other interactions with men. She probably "developed" around the same time the rest of us did - a midst horny teenage boys, with no tact. Unless she was like homeschooled.....and never left the house. Then met you and still never left the house....or watched movies, or read books.....or did anything that displayed or informed her of pre-coital behavior in humans.....see where I'm going?

If I were you, I would have a serious heart-to-heart with her. If this continues, I would leave her.

Of course, she could be desperate for any kind of male attention. Maybe you're a giant a-hole, so she's soaking up all the sexy comments she can get from men she believes are unavailable. Perhaps it seems less harmful that way. I don't know. I'm just a crazy internet person who is up way past my bedtime.

At any rate, I do believe your concerns are justified. Taking you and your feelings out of the equation entirely, I feel like she should find a new job. It sounds like she's not getting the respect she deserves from her colleagues. She should be valued for her the ability to perform her job, not her nice rack.

You do sound like a bit of a prick though.

[surfhb2]

Lol....your last line is hilarious

Get a new job?!? So much for the feminist movement! And people wonder why it's still a Man's World?!? That's terrible advice. * hand slapping forehead.*. Lol

Has it possibly occurred to you that she has the all the power I this situation ( which she does...and I hope she knows it) ? I give the girl credit for acting as subtle has she does around a bunch of pigs....yet goes home to the man she loves

Hear me OP?

[michelle23]

Uh controlling bfs. I couldnt be dealing with this shite at all.

OP you asked her a pile of questions bout the guys in her office, you backed her into a corner and forced her to tell you that once or twice a guy may have paid her a compliment at work and then you freak out and tell her that she shouldnt attend work events anymore? Are you serious.

She is a woman-she is gonna get hit on. We are used to it, we know how to handle it. We get compliments all the time, every now and again (not very often) we come across a pig who will make rude comments about our body. We deal with it and we usually dont need our bfs or our dad to sort it out for us. We are more than capable of telling a guy Im not interested or I have a bf so back off.

You either trust your girl or you dont. If she is committed to you then you have nothing to worry about. If you cant let this go, you will lose her.

btw i subconsciously fix my boobs all the time if Im wearing a dress and my bra is a bit loose. It happens. We dont lecture you guys for scratching your balls-get over it

[Nightshade]

Lol....your last line is hilarious

Get a new job?!? So much for the feminist movement! And people wonder why it's still a Man's World?!? That's terrible advice. * hand slapping forehead.*. Lol

Has it possibly occurred to you that she has the all the power I this situation ( which she does...and I hope she knows it) ? I give the girl credit for acting as subtle has she does around a bunch of pigs....yet goes home to the man she loves

Hear me OP?

That's kind of my point.
Absolving her of accountability because she's an innocent, naive girl, isn't going to help the situation. Least of all hers.
Do you really think the meat-in-hand-men are going to suddenly respect her and leave her alone if she stands up for herself?
If I were her, I would find a better job. Maybe something in theatre....

[Nightshade]

And I'm totally against mainstream feminism. Bunch of sexists if ya ask me....

[michelle23]

And I'm totally against mainstream feminism. Bunch of sexists if ya ask me....

ya those modern b**ches are trying to be like hitler. I am an old school feminist. Love men in general and I am their equal.

[Starnique]

Star - As I said before ( and for the last time ) I'm not worried about her cheating.
It's her inability to acknowledge sly comments from coworkers that is annoying. My problem was conveying this in a way that she understands so she can just be more aware and let guys know when they're crossing the friend zone line.

If she was consciously attracted to someone and cheated, although I don't condone it I could understand that. I just want her creeper radar to be a bit stronger as women with weak radars tend to be more vulnerable in certain settings.

Whatever. Thats exactly what you worried about it. If you can't handle the attn she's getting or control your jealousies then find another gf. You seem annoying, insecure and maybe you're the problem. If you really know who you are or she is you won't always need constant reassurance.

[Starnique]

In fact, If I was in her position I would be sick of you coming at me about nonsense and it really just comes down to trust.

[j-white]

Just last week a guy in work was checking out a female co-worker. I started chatting to him, our conversation eventually turned to this:
Him "is that girl a **ag?"
Me "What?? What makes you ask that?"
Him "Well she's always talking to everyone"
Me "I hope she's not a **ag. She's my girlfriend"

Watching him squirm after that was quite funny!

Another guy asked her out over Facebook a few days later.
I could have a talk to my innocent little girl and explain how all of the big bad men lech and have only lewd thoughts when talking to her but I suspect she already knows this!
I just have to trust her. (She told the guy she has a boyfriend and is the happiest person in the world. She showed me the messages although I told her not to).

You can't protect her by making her afraid to interact with people in a natural way. You shouldn't have to protect her, she's not a child or mentally disabled.
Just trust her to do the right thing if situations arise.

[Valixy]

A woman cannot control what men say behind her back but she can and she should be able to determine how they communicate with her directly.

My opinion is that those guys either lack some basic work ethic or she puts herself (consciously or unconsciously) in that vulnerable position. She needs to learn to create some distance and demand respect as a professional and a woman who is also in a committed relationship, or this could create some uncomfortable situations for her at work and between you two in the future.

Many times men simply approach/communicate with a woman the way she allows/encourages them to do it.

[surfhb2]

That's kind of my point.
Absolving her of accountability because she's an innocent, naive girl, isn't going to help the situation. Least of all hers.
Do you really think the meat-in-hand-men are going to suddenly respect her and leave her alone if she stands up for herself?
If I were her, I would find a better job. Maybe something in theatre....

I have news for you. Just the fact she's a women she's lower on the totem pole in the work place. That's just a well know and documented fact and something all working women need to except. It's not right and it's not openly shared or even thought about amoung most men but it is true and will always be the case.

It's how a women handles this obvious disrespect and counters it offers her respect

Women have been conditioned in society to hold back, take a back seat in many social situation, in the workforce, ect. That book by the girl who runs Facebook goes over it...interesting stuff

[searock]

it is true and will always be the case.

The hell it will!

[surfhb2]

A woman cannot control what men say behind her back but she can and she should be able to determine how they communicate with her directly.

My opinion is that those guys either lack some basic work ethic or she puts herself (consciously or unconsciously) in that vulnerable position. She needs to learn to create some distance and demand respect as a professional and a woman who is also in a committed relationship, or this could create some uncomfortable situations for her at work and between you two in the future.

Many times men simply approach/communicate with a woman the way she allows/encourages them to do it.

Good point! Maybe this post can help the OP? It just seems he's more concerned about himself then her earning the respect she deserves amount her male colleagues

[surfhb2]

The hell it will!

Lets hope so. . Long way to go

[Lalalandguy]

Wow, my last comment must have struck some nerves.

I can't believe how many if you guys still can't see that I could care less ab the comments or compliments. It's the naive attitude and getting her ( or anyone for that ) matter to see when they're been naive. You immediately seem like an ass when you call someone out for it. I just wanted some pointers.

Not a bunch of ranting b**** that are bitter because they hardly get attention. Lol!

My gf actually asked me for my help in spotting signs and she's only used to my circle of guys that treat her with total respect. Which is why I can't really blame her for the oversights.