Am I too fussy?

[haxan]

I am divorced, I have 4 girls, but only 3 live at home. I am loyal, trustworthy, I work full time at a good job.

I think there are plenty of men out there that are divorced, adjusted and productively working for you to date. You have to keep in mind that even if they have a good job, they are probably paying out a good portion of their income to support their kids and possibly ex too. In addition they may take on extra duties to participate more in their kids lives (i.e. taking, picking up from sports, after school activities, more visitation than scheduled or required).

What you don't want is someone who is single, or who has no children. That will be a physical relationship only, keeping in mind of course that they will 'say' the right things about liking kids, not minding ex's etc., to get in your pants until the reality of responsibility rears it's ugly head.

I don't know what you're looking for in the long run. Someone well adjusted to date? I think you'll find that sooner than not. Someone well adjusted to move-in, participate in raising your kids 24/7, deal with your ex, while also trying to take care of and spend time with their own kids as much as possible and deal with their ex, that kind of scenario more than likely is not going to happen. A man like that is going to be content and keep his own space, deal with his own responsibilities. Why move in to deal with yours also?

The only type of guy in a similar situation who's going to throw themselves into 'your' life 24/7 are one's who need financial help (i.e. it's easier to live with you for free and deal with your kids so he can pay for his own situation easier).

Be realistic about your expectations.

[bcgirl]

are you thinking about having more children? You also have to keep in mind a younger man who has never been married nor had children before may want children....and at your age, you may be way over and done with in that department. It's good to find a man who is in the same chapter in life as you are. Someone who is also divorced and can relate, yet totally over his ex may be good for you. No need to rush in and try to find a boyfriend asap or anything....when you aren't looking, that is when the right guy will come along.

[harleynight]

I don't want any more kids and can't have any more even if I wanted to. I'm not in a rush, it will happen in due time.

[haxan]

I don't (didn't) mean to sound like a wet blanket, harley. I'm sure you're a great catch and have a lot to offer a man. Just the fact is, you want someone who has themselves together. So, it's either a bachelor, or a guy in your position (single parent), only he's the father, so 95% of the time his kids live with the mother.

A bachelor who can take care of himself isn't going to go anywhere near a house with 3 kids in it, except to either pick you up, or come over when the kids are gone. A single dad who has his act together has enough responsibility taking care of himself, financially supporting another household and spending time with his own kids when he has the chance. He's not going to want to get too involved in your household situation either.

It's not easy, the best advice I would give to someone in your shoes, male or female, is just to date and have fun. When the kids are out of the house (adults), then maybe things can go to another level with someone.

[Millsboons]

Agree vashti wit yr talks


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[Linerider]

Hi harleynight.

Here's my viewpoint as a guy.

You are definitely not being over fussy. It is a good thing to be selective - aside from anything else it shows you have high self esteem and that you know you deserve the best. Everyone should have that attitude.

My suggestion to you is to get out of your comfort zone and start doing hobbies/outings that you wouldn't normally. The guys you are meeting at the moment are obviously not doing it for you, so you need to start mixing with a different group.

You sound like a great catch and I'm sure you'll find Mr Right soon.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with Haxan in general, tho. A single guy your age is not going to be keen to take on 3 kids. Most will see it that way for an LTR with you. I'm sure many would be interested in a more... casual... relationship tho.

A divorced or widowed man with kids will be more understanding of your situation.

[harleynight]

thanks everyone for the great advice, I'm in no rush, so whatever happens, happens.