help with girl/friend

[Gigabitch]

Don't make me pull out the whip.

Oh, do I have to beat you again? Couldn't we just skip it for tonight?

[King Zarathu]

But I like it....

[Gigabitch]

You are wearing me out.

[King Zarathu]

Then it's your turn.

[intrepido]

WHAT HAPPEND TO MY POST!!?!

When you read this Id like you to note the duality of man, as it applies to this situation. I was shot back in time in a heartbeat to when I realized that something with the girl I had just met should not be pursued in the realm of boyfriend girlfriend because of many factors, no matter how perfect things seemed to be. Things like me being too old 20 and 23, her needing to have the most fun she can have in life, a physical relationship at that point possibly screwing up a long lasting meaningful relationship because of stupid bs such as thinkin of her as only an object if we got together and never gettin the chance to get to know her better etc. "Its funny u say that" is becoming a worn out phrase when we talk. Now the duality thing I referred to is that, yea Id like to be with her, I mean shes an attractive woman, that I really like as a person also etc. I feel that theres really no way eliminate thoughts of physical intimacy between two attractive people who have similar interests and personalities, its just nature..... Anyway..... I did something yesterday that I am really proud of. If you recall I was crazy about this girl right from the start because shes just perfect for me and I feel me for her. She came back from college for a few days, the other day and called me to see if we could get dinner or "icre cream" haha cute. So she had me meet her mother and everything, we got dinner and then went to see a movie nearby. During the movie she leaned into me and put her head on my shoulder so I looked over kind of surprised and remembered instantly what I thought that first week after meeting her; that she is amazing, funny, beautiful, smart, clever, same sense of humor, the list goes, and that she at least feels the same way to some degree just from how she acts BUT because of how I feel and felt about her on an emotional level, we cant be together, at least not right now, and that at least right now is very tentative because maybe not ever.

So she lifted her head up and leaned in to kiss and I raised my head up and kissed her on the forehead. Ill never forget how she lookd at me after that, almost like she was gonna cry but she seemed to be in awe, and had smiling eyes. Then we went back to watching the movie with her head on my shoulder. It was an amazing feeling, Ive been in a different world all day.

Im kind of ashamed I let my whatever u wanna call it, sexual drive, search for happiness, relationship, romance, whatever....get in the way of my better judgement and instincts. If u remember I wrote her a song knowing full well how horribly that could be misinterpreted. When I wrote her that song I noticed she was acting funny before she left for college, distant and quiet, shes never quiet haha...and she needed some strength. The only thing I hoped was that she would continue to be in my life, because I didnt think I would have been workin the same job after that one summer and if we didnt keep in touch we might not see each other very much. Everything has really worked out between us in the best possible way.

This whole thing has really made me think about how Ive approached dating too. I would be very picky and sometimes not aggressive enough because I was always lookin for something special, I always figured it was out there so why not find it? Its out there though but not right now, right now its time to cultivate relationships with many women. I would have punched myself in the face a few years ago if I said that but dating more women than I was in the past will really make me appreciate how special that one woman will be when I find her, if I havent already and it will also provide other experiences, reduce some stress in my life haha and a myriad of other positive things. I used to think that is what assholes do, try and get with as many women as possible, and its true a lot of assholes do, but Im not an asshole, nor do u have to be one to date many women. I mean why not? Itll be fun instead of having a serious girlfriend for a few months every two years haha...Its not a perfect world, and it doesnt have to be. Look out ladies here I come

[King Zarathu]

Dude, good job. If I was a female you'd have me tearing up. That was really a great story. Kudos to you, my friend.

[Mathias]

You are my new semi-hero, intrepido.

[King Zarathu]

You are my new semi-hero, intrepido.

**** that, he's a full, blown out, badass.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, my Gyver! He's on a mission!

[intrepido]

haha...

I was going to tell her about how I felt but didnt and we havent spoken since. I was going to tell her beforehand about how I felt and what I wrote the song for but thought that she wouldnt believe me because I DID write her a song and that must mean that I have a crush on her. That was NOT the reason though and at this point I think she, well I dont know what she thinks actually. I think she thinks that I really care for her, about her as a person and not her as a beautiful sexy girl.

Point is I knew about her right away, knew who she was, where she came from and where she could go, but she was in a precarious time of her life, right before college, afraid of leaving home, afraid of what could happen and vulnerable. I saw her vulnerability and how she could be taken advantage of by people because she has such a good heart. She told me once that shes very confident but not confident all at the same time and thats exactly how I saw her as someone with a huge heart who gives everyone all she has while being scared to do that and just doing it anyway. Some people didnt understand this at the office and thought that she was full of herself and some guys would try and take advantage of her and talk badly. These are all things I didnt want to tell her, she doesnt need to know what unimportant people think of her, because they dont know a damn thing. I knew her, and I knew that I wanted to see her have the best life and this was a turning point for her where she needed someone to watch out for her. I like to think people can really help one another by their actions and I like to think what I did helped her, but I dont know if it actually did, she may have just thought I had a crush on her. I thought she was the most incredible creature I had ever known, thats not really having a crush, as I see it. I called her an angel in the song, that was the one line chorus thingy "a real live angel....her name was danielle" Shes defnitely an angel, she brings smiles to peoples faces and lights up any room shes in with her energy and the fact that EVERYONE didnt realize that was mind boggling to me!!! I mean, I call em like I see em, Im a deep person and can see people for who they are right away but not everyone can do or does that. It really amazed me that there were people that thought differently about her so I felt that she needed protection or someone to look out for her. An angel, yea, some people just dont appreciate things like that, not being able to see that she is an angel is something that I dont understand, shes not my angel, shes everyones, so long story short is that there was no crush involved, a crush implies something different.

Anyway, what do u guys think about this...like should I tell her this stuff? about why I wrote her the song and what it means....(The only selfish aspect of writing the song was that I hoped to have in her in my life in some form. That she would remember me and we could stay in touch)

Thanks!

[Gigabitch]

I think you should explain fully exactly where you stand, because from reading your posts I gather that you seriously dislike being misunderstood.

She's not a blank canvas- she's got her own thoughts going on about all of this. Maybe it would be a good idea to communicate a little about what those are.

[rick_001]

You need to tell her strait out that you have feelings for her. It's the only way you will ever know if you two are more than friends.

[intrepido]

From what happened at the movies that night I think shed like to be more than friends, I mean she leaned in for a kiss, but it may have only been because she thought that I would ditch her if she didnt show some obvious physical interest in me as it sounds as if she has been screwed around with by guys in the past. When I didnt kiss her and instead kissed her on the forehead she looked at me awestruck with kind of watery eyes and whatnot and we were in a whole lofty mood the rest of the night.

Her friend told me once that I was dreamy when I was relating a story to her about one of the Scream movies that was on, and how I saw it with a girl who seemed to be pretending that she was scared so she could grope me. Her friend said it was because Im so dreamy. This girl is like youre all-American sort of girl, if that makes any sense, Daddy's little girl. Thing is, her parents are divorced and she lives with her mom who seems to be a lot like her. Ive heard her talk about spanish guys, and black guys and one guy who she was seeing that threatened to slash her tires if she didnt cooperate better, although I dont know what was going on with that story, I think the guy said that he had done that to an ex-girlfriend. Anyway, this girl says that I remind her of her father physically-tall, strong, dark skin (like her) we both have green eyes also, me and her....and she told me another time that I remind her of her father when she called me a dork for drawing a picture for someone in our office and I told her she can call me whatever she wants or something because I am happy to do something that makes someone else feel good even if someone might think its lame. She said "theres not many men out there like you" and "you remind me of my daddy." She also says that her life would be complete if she had a closer relationship with her father.
I think people may project to others what they are missing in life and subconsciously try and illicit that missing behavior from them. For instance, I care so much about this girl, I feel like its my responsibility to make sure she has the best life and to make sure no one treats her bad and to be there for her etc. Oddly enough that sounds like a father figure or even a brother figure, but at the same time shes so beautiful to me. We look a lot alike also, same nose, cheeks, eyes, complexion, build, ahhhh.....

Coming back to my original thoughts in this post...I think she thinks what I think haha....that we are really perfect for one another and its freakin the both of us out. She didnt want me to lose interest as her friend so she felt the need to kiss because guys havent wanted her unless shes "put out" so to speak. But when I kissed her on the forehead there was an unspoken connection that I care for her and would be her friend any day of the week, and being intimate with her is not sometihng thats important to me. I feel that being intimate with someone should only be an expression of two people wanting to be the closest that they can be to one another.

What do people think about the whole father thing? and how her maybe not knowing what shes looking for, in a sense, because her father lived elsewhere since she was 3 (although she sees him all the time), and she doesnt know how a man should treat a woman in a way.

Thanks!

[Gigabitch]

I think she has an ideallized verson of her father in her head because she doesn't remember what it was like to live with him. My concern is that she is also ideallizing you, though it sounds like you have every intention of living up to her expectations.

[intrepido]

I think she has an ideallized verson of her father in her head because she doesn't remember what it was like to live with him. My concern is that she is also ideallizing you, though it sounds like you have every intention of living up to her expectations.

Yea, I hear what you're saying. She definitely seems confused about some things, but who isnt? Shes a trooper, and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She told me that she is very confident but at the same time not confident at all and that is how I am or was, remember Im now three years older than her. All I ever wanted is for her to have the happiest and best life and to be safe and get through these tough young years with the least difficulties and the best memories, I sound insane I know, everytime I think of her and how I feel I cant believe it. Every time I see her its like I never saw her before because I feel the same way I did the first time, and knowing her and who she is makes it all that much more incredible each time.

She does see her dad all the time but does also come from that broken home atmosphere. Its weird though shes like so strong and because of that she isnt affected by her parents divorce as much as someone else might be. We really are like a perfect match, everything fits and now she told me that her mother is in love with me now also.

I really see this goin far and her being a real big part of my life for a long time and me a big part of hers. Its the purest kind of "love"? for lack of a better word right now because if she finds someone who is a better match for her and makes her happier and everything than Id be in the first row at the wedding. Not that Im looking to get married or anyting, I am REALLY getting ahead of myself now, but who knows. I mean mothers have really liked me before and girls have said very laudatory things about my character or whatever, but this is different and theres a reason that these things dont happen everyday because sometimes things are really right.