What is going on in his head?1

[tropigal82]

ugh... sorry link didnt work, here it is:

[mrtdg82]

Yes i saw the photos and as mentioned, not pleasent but in my opinion they havent crossed the boundry of flirting. The one above for example isnt that bad... i have girl mates who i wouldnt think anything of having a photo like that of.

The problem you have is that you have become fixated with him. Often when that happens we dont even look around us and ignore any potential partners even when someone better is staring you in the face. Also by him not being so forthcoming physically it often makes someone more determined to win him over, if you know what im saying. Part of it can be the thrill of the chase, especially when someone is so mysterious like that.

The question is can you withdraw yourself enough or distance youself enough to make a stand when quite clearly is playing you a little.

[Incognito]

How disapointing. Well look at the bright side. In a few years when he's drinking and doing drugs again you can say to yourself "wow, I'm glad that ended when it did".

[Gigabitch]

This guy is a red flag parade. You've dodged a bullet, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

[girl68]

He wants to come on your trip? I would have said "well I'm pretty much think I'd only bring my boyfriend on a trip with me and I don't think we're there yet..."

[Lipp]

Have you had him set a relationship status on facebook at all? Reckon it's pretty effective at dissuading flirters and giving unknowing paramours a head's up.

[lastwish]

They are going out and he doesn't want to cheat on his girlfriend. Many guys think cheating require sex. My guess.

[tropigal82]

Oh dear I made the mistake.... I texted him just to say 'are you feeling better'. Was curious to see if he would respond. He responded immediately. In fact then he responded back with 3 more texts, asking all about my day and my latest piece of art.... acting as if everything is just hunky dory. Strange. I was thinking that he knows that I know about this other girl, but maybe not, maybe he's still going to try and play the game. But I decided to re-open the lines of communication cos its going to be the only way we'll meet up again and I can then, perhaps confront him about it.

Its strange, yesterday I was so mad, but today I feel sort of calm about it all. This is worrying me, because if I do see him this weekend I won't be crazy and emotional like I was yesterday, and I'll come accross as if I'm not too upset about his behaviour, when in fact I am. I guess what I'm trying to say is this, (either way I will see him again and will raise the issue):

1) Do I approach him from a highly emotional, angry level, in tears and telling accusing him of being a liar and a cheat, risking looking like an emotional wreck.
2) Or do I approach him from a level headed angle, tell him I know about the other girl, ask him calmly who she is, and then calmly wish him the best and keep my head held high.

Also, should I contact the other girl and tell her....? Part of me wants to, cos I know I would want to know if I was in love with a guy and he was seeing some other girl for 6 months. Another part of me thinks its none of my business, but I hate that attitude. Difficult decisions....

Another part of me, perhaps slightly masochistically, wants to play him at his own game.

Oh, I don't know. Another glass of wine I think...

[girl68]

Option 2 and don't tell the other girl.

[Incognito]

Since you have to wait, I wouldn't be overly emotional. I'm not saying to be totally unattached, but don't cause a big loud scene. A big scene will more than likely end with him not giving you any answers, you looking foolish, and with many on lookers (if you're in public). I think you should be firm (keeping in mind that you are angry and this is an emotionally charged situation), but don't lose control of your emotions and think before you speak. Similar to your option 2.

As far as the other girl goes....that's a tough one. Only you can make that call. If she knows about you and is happily helping him cheat, then she may lie about the situation. If she knows nothing about you, you may have helped an innocent person who got swept up in the same lies you did. You can't ignore the possibility that she will be really angry and place all the blame on you though. Yes it is extremely irrational, naive, and misguided, but people are people. I've seen a fist fight between a man and a woman taking place, and when another guy broke it up she tried to punch him and said "mind your own f*cking business". I'll add that she was losing the fight. So trying to help someone you don't know in situations like this doesn't always work out the way you think it will.

I will suggest NOT playing his own game if you have determined that he is actually cheating. He's a drunk and drug addict who is barely, BARELY even a little clean (6 weeks is nothing). Playing just to try and get some petty revenge will only end in disaster. I'm sure you know the saying "The best revenge is living well". That is the best option here. Once he goes back to his habits and ends up in rehab again, you could be happy with someone else living your life.

[dewilliams2]

Go with option 2...and don't tell the other girl...if you freak out on him and it turns out its just an old friend then you'll look ridiculous and not only that but you'll look a little crazy.

And say worst case scenario she is with him in a more intimate way...it isn't your place to tell her...she will find out eventually and you should just move on and don't get vindictive...be better than he is.

But seriously before you get all mad it could be totally innocent or even an old pic that just happened to find its way into that album on facebook...I wouldn't get to upset until you find out there is something to be upset about. But if you get angry and start throuwin around accusations well then you'll run into some trouble and probably run him off.

[Gigabitch]

Why in the world would you wish him well? Tell him he's busted and tell him to go **** himself. Leave the other girl alone.

[Incognito]

Why in the world would you wish him well? Tell him he's busted and tell him to go **** himself. Leave the other girl alone.

Too funny!

[HappyToBeMe]

Hey, that's not Bill Hader!

[tropigal82]

who is Bill Hader???!!