I told my wife she can sleep with other men if it makes her happy.Is this gonna work?

[PawlsToTheWall]

This must be a troll. Thanks again for the belly laugh!

You think I'm lying? And you are laughing at me? Look man, I don't want any of this. I just didn't want her to leave me so I told her I could be tolerant of it. I just don't want to lose my kids, and I'd honestly miss her. But the kids mostly. I don't want their little family to break apart...their mother will get better. She's gotten on meds, and she wants to start therapy. But it makes me sick, she keeps asking, "Do you mind if I still do it in the meantime? Until we find a therapist?" Meaning, she wants to go on dates and fool around until then.

She equated it to a person saying they are starting a diet next month, so they eat a whole lot of junk food until then.
I can't believe she thinks that is even close to the same thing.

[Wakeup]

... And I can't believe that you're so effing codependent and desperate that you'd put up with that self-esteem whittling behaviour from her just because you're afraid to be alone. Hint: You can have joint custody of your children, in fact you'lll likely have most of the custody of them because your very disturbed, sex addicted wife will want to be out on the prowl and she can't do that with the wee ones hanging off her leg.

You'd be better off to leave her and once she's on the mend and not wanting to screw everything with dangly bits you can re-evaluate your love for her then.

[richardwordoff]

Are you serious? You told your wife it is OK to go around screwing other dudes because you don't want to lose her or the kids? You don't want to break up the family because of that? What are your kids going to think when they see mommy around other guys all the time? What happens if mommy gets pregnant? Is she going to expect you to raise that kid too? Are you going to believe her when she says it's really yours?

I pray to god you're not supporting her financially in any way while she is going around doing this. You do whatever you want but personally I'd tell her "hell no" to letting her sleep around until she finds a therapist. Tell her to be an adult with some effing self control and get help. Once she gets a therapist leave her. Like Wakeup said, if it is known she is in therapy because she is addicted to f'in cheating on you then I can't imagine how you will not get most of the custody of the kids.

She is USING YOU MAN. She wants you for emotional support, a family, money and all that shit but goes out and finds guys to satisfy her sex cravings. How could you possibly put up with this? This is NOT a minor issue that can be overlooked and/or worked out. This is ridiculous that you've let her emasculate you like this. What's next, are you going to let her bring guys over to your house, let her screw them and bring them breakfast in bed?

[misombra]

i think you should get married and have ten more kids.

[Illusional]

when you've only got one life to live, don't bother trying to please other people...think of yourself first,... even if it means a divorce.

bottom line is that you tried it her way and you hate it. now she will have to try things your way.

raverboy

[searock]

At this point it seems clear that it's the illness making her act like this. That sounds like druggie talk, "please let me have it I'll stop next month". Find a therapist as soon as possible and tell her that she has to get some self control, no matter how irresistible her impulses are (i.e. do NOT give your approval to what she's asking you). You can't go on like this, that's for sure. I don't think you should leave her straight away: make sure she gets the right amount of therapy+medication before taking the decision. If not even that works, then it won't even matter whether she's doing it on purpose or not - you simply can't have a healthy marriage with one of the two wanting an open relationship and the other feeling like s*** because of it.

[PawlsToTheWall]

OK, things are not the same as when I first made this thread. We tried the open relationship, she saw that it was killing me, and she told me she didn't want to see other men if it hurts me. She said she'd rather suppress her urges for now, until she can get rid of them with therapy. She did tell me that she thinks she NEEDS me to sleep with other women. We discovered that she only wants people who don't want her, so that helps to create the illusion of me not wanting her. She wants to watch me do it. I know that I'm gonna end up friend-zoned with my own wife if I don't.

So, as of now, I've been pretending that I'm sleeping with other women. Cuz I don't want to do it. And it's working. Do you think that's reasonable?

Also, I read a statistic saying that 95% of relationships that involve a person with this type of Bipolar Disorder will fail. I'm VERY determined to be in that 5% that succeeds. I think we can beat this thing.

Read this article. My problem with a bipolar wife is not uncommon. bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-infidelity.html

[Wakeup]

I don't think she's Bi-polar she sounds like she's more boardline personality disordered, sex addicted and thoroughly issued in the realm of relationships. She wouldn't know a healthy monogamous relationship if it hit her upside the head. Shame on you for bringing children into the world with the issue you BOTH have.

Go to your disfunction because you listen to no one on this thread. Your children will either turn out like you: A codependend door mat who will take any crap thrown his way as long as he doesn't have to be alone or; like her a psychologically damaged emotional preditor feeding off of men like you.

Be well and have fun.

P.s. You need therapy just as much as she does.

[reeba]

bipolars have a tendency to go into hyper drive - which includes effing around. going into this open relationship is only allowing her mental illness go unmanaged which is not good for anyone - diseases, jealousy, eventually she will come down from the hyper drive and realize what she did and what you allowed her to do.......

[PawlsToTheWall]

I don't think she's Bi-polar she sounds like she's more boardline personality disordered, sex addicted and thoroughly issued in the realm of relationships. She wouldn't know a healthy monogamous relationship if it hit her upside the head. Shame on you for bringing children into the world with the issue you BOTH have.

Go to your disfunction because you listen to no one on this thread. Your children will either turn out like you: A codependend door mat who will take any crap thrown his way as long as he doesn't have to be alone or; like her a psychologically damaged emotional preditor feeding off of men like you.

Be well and have fun.

P.s. You need therapy just as much as she does.

HAHAHA let's see your license pal. I don't have ups and downs, it's just kinda a depressing stage right now. We are great parents and the kids aren't any the wiser about what's going on. I don't see why you think I am so wrong for wanting to help her. I don't want her to see other men. That was just like an experiment to see if she would. She figured a lot of stuff out about herself and is very proactive about changing. She is medicated and looking for a therapist.

I already told you guys, she isn't going to see other men. I'm not going to let her do that, and she wants me to protect her from it. Some dude has been flirting with her online and she told me about it. She tells me everything cuz she has faith that I'll know what to do. I talked to the guy and he backed off. The biggest prob with our thing was lack of communication. We both tried to be a person that the other wanted us to be. Now we tell each other everything, even the ugly details.

The new stance is helping her, not encouraging her. I didn't realize this was a result of her bipolar disorder. I was feeling weak cuz of the break up and that is the only reason I let her believe I was ok with it. I wasn't ok with it. I'm feeling like my old self again so quit telling me all this whiny s*** about me being so f***ed up and needing therapy. I just wanted to see what people had to say about this situation, but really, I know how to solve my own problems.

Man, I hope she doesn't regret the piercings or tattoos I let her get during this thing....I just thought she really wanted these things. I didn't know it was a manic episode.

I've done a lot of research about her illness and I know what we have to do. So caaaalllllm down, for real dude.

[boobaa]

Its always nice to see so.... helpful... comments. Guys, cmon' what the irony for?


Clearly, this isn't healthy relationship. And there is no nice way out, its going to be painful. Or see a threapist, but if that fails, it will only be dragging. OP has done nothing wrong. He has every right to want to save the relationship, and it is natural to not know all the cards (what a stupid game it is).

[KingZ]

Sorry, but bipolarity is no excuse for irresponsible, immoral behavior.

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, but bipolarity is no excuse for irresponsible, immoral behavior WHEN THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED

Fixed your post, lovey.

You are both assholes. She for exposing her kids to this mess and you for letting them remain in it. Take your kids and leave. If she wants to see them, she has to get help. That's what any decent parent would do.

[wifesharing]

do you get horny when she is sleeping with other men?

[searock]

HAHAHA let's see your license pal. I don't have ups and downs, it's just kinda a depressing stage right now. We are great parents and the kids aren't any the wiser about what's going on. I don't see why you think I am so wrong for wanting to help her. I don't want her to see other men. That was just like an experiment to see if she would. She figured a lot of stuff out about herself and is very proactive about changing. She is medicated and looking for a therapist.

I already told you guys, she isn't going to see other men. I'm not going to let her do that, and she wants me to protect her from it. Some dude has been flirting with her online and she told me about it. She tells me everything cuz she has faith that I'll know what to do. I talked to the guy and he backed off. The biggest prob with our thing was lack of communication. We both tried to be a person that the other wanted us to be. Now we tell each other everything, even the ugly details.

The new stance is helping her, not encouraging her. I didn't realize this was a result of her bipolar disorder. I was feeling weak cuz of the break up and that is the only reason I let her believe I was ok with it. I wasn't ok with it. I'm feeling like my old self again so quit telling me all this whiny s*** about me being so f***ed up and needing therapy. I just wanted to see what people had to say about this situation, but really, I know how to solve my own problems.

Man, I hope she doesn't regret the piercings or tattoos I let her get during this thing....I just thought she really wanted these things. I didn't know it was a manic episode.

I've done a lot of research about her illness and I know what we have to do. So caaaalllllm down, for real dude.

So she's getting therapy? I'm glad to hear that. Don't blame yourself for letting her do those things, you didn't know it was part of the illness.
What do the doctors say?