why limit yourself to only one?

[misombra]

there's a book called the evolution of desire. i forget who wrote it. it takes the biological approach to relationships. it's pretty interesting.

[Only-virgins]

This is EXACTLY what I'm saying you should question!! Biologic programming. WHY do you go crazy? What are you scared of? Of course its natural, but this doesn't make it RATIONAL. And we are in the unique position (humanity) of being able to question whether our evolutionary programming is of benefit in a modern relationship.

EVERYTHING we do = biological programming.

Why do I eat? Why do I live? why do I love? why do I hate? why do I fear? why do I go crazy in this situation? same reason why I do anything....simply because my brain tells me too and my brain = me. Becare-full of how far a question of irational thought goes because this girl can go with other guys and then she will call me for company and I will tell her that I am with someone at the moment. She will say that she is lonely and wants my company and I will do what you did..."Don't be lonely...thats irrational"

HAHAHA actually you wanting to be with someone is irrational. You dont need to be with someone and/or many people. The human body is fine alone...but offcourse you "WANT" to be with someone right?(Wrong, you are programmed to want to breed subconsiously)

[indigosoul]

EVERYTHING we do = biological programming.

Why do I eat? Why do I live? why do I love? why do I hate? why do I fear? why do I go crazy in this situation? same reason why I do anything....simply because my brain tells me too and my brain = me. Becare-full of how far a question of irational thought goes because this girl can go with other guys and then she will call me for company and I will tell her that I am with someone at the moment. She will say that she is lonely and wants my company and I will do what you did..."Don't be lonely...thats irrational"

HAHAHA actually you wanting to be with someone is irrational. You dont need to be with someone and/or many people. The human body is fine alone...but offcourse you "WANT" to be with someone right?(Wrong, you are programmed to want to breed subconsiously)

This response is incredibly juvenile. You see a car accident, or an emergency, and you want to run screaming... Do you? Or do you control your fear and do something RATIONAL. Or you see your girlfriend kissing some other guy & you want to kill him/her. Do you? Of course not, unless you are a complete animal. Of course, everything we do is biological (duh) but we have the ability to CONTROL our biological response. And this is what I'm talking about.

[Only-virgins]

This response is incredibly juvenile. You see a car accident, or an emergency, and you want to run screaming... Do you? Or do you control your fear and do something RATIONAL. Or you see your girlfriend kissing some other guy & you want to kill him/her. Do you? Of course not, unless you are a complete animal. Of course, everything we do is biological (duh) but we have the ability to CONTROL our biological response. And this is what I'm talking about.

And I am saying that this one is better left the way it is. I prefer it. Its not rational or irrational...it just is. No one is getting physically hurt so I dont even begin to see how its irrational to want someone to be only with you...not even close.

You see a car accident, or an emergency, and you want to run screaming...

hell....If Im IN the car accident and I am hurt....there will be some screaming...oh yes there will. Viewing the accident would be like seeing someone else in the open relationship...you just dont care as much and stay calm...put your self smashed behind the wheel with extreme pain and now we are getting closer.

[artyemi]

Why not?

If polygamy(?) works for you and your partners, awesome.

If monogamy works for you and your partner, awesome.

And this is why I like Fras so much!

[nomas]

Good response Nomas, but again, noone seems to want to touch on the REASON(S) for this bias. We KNOW polygamy is considered immoral by many cultures... but WHY is my question? I think as a society, regarding relationships, we are unconciously being limited by (perhaps) outdated biological programming.

RE: being a swinger... ha! Just b/c I pose the question doesn't mean I necessarily believe it. I'm actually happily (and monogamously) married. But I do always question my REASONS for how I live my life. Even if I then choose to do the irrational.

My bad, Indigo..I see now you're asking about the origin of the tendency we follow today...oh, and the swinger label comment...just a little joke.

So to address your original intent of the topic..How did we come to land monogamy as a norm. That's a good one...I'm sure there's been reasearch toward finding evidence in certain theories..but I haven't read anything on the subject matter. I can brainstorm a few things as well, though:

As you suggested, there's the biological factor. Perhaps early on when we were cavemen, the man being more physically fit went out to face the elements in hunting and gathering while the woman stayed sheltered in the cave caring for the babies. This could create a dependancy of the female for a male partner, thus a loyalty..but where's the male's motivation for monogamy? This also may be different for different geographical regions. To this day there are very primitive cultures in Africa where there is a male patriarch who actually has many wives....like a harem.

This leads me to believe there was probably a social factor involved...once a few people started getting smart toward controlling large numbers of people with things like religion and organized hierarchy, then they began making rules to keep the masses under control. This could be a reason as well..but probably not as likely if people weren't already leaning that way anyway. People won't change as radically so easily.

If you look at animals,..animals acting completely on instinct and not conforming to any societal norms, why do some species have life mates while others do the polygamous thing?

If only we could go back in time we can find the exact point at which we became this way, but the truth of the matter is that the monogamous trend is breaking.

Really, people used to grind out a marriage no matter how bad it was...divorce rates were no where near what they are today. And in itself, this is a form of not being monogamous...I think....more so than the way it was..at least by comparison. But I know we're not talking about this..we're talking about being monogamous in a current relationship.

But this is enough for now.

[indigosoul]

there's a book called the evolution of desire. i forget who wrote it. it takes the biological approach to relationships. it's pretty interesting.

Thanks Miso. I've read a book called The Red Queen, which is along these lines, tho from a more genetic, rather than social standpoint. Will check out.

[indigosoul]

This leads me to believe there was probably a social factor involved...once a few people started getting smart toward controlling large numbers of people with things like religion and organized hierarchy, then they began making rules to keep the masses under control. This could be a reason as well..but probably not as likely if people weren't already leaning that way anyway. People won't change as radically so easily.

Actually, I agree with this. In terms of biologic reproduction, women are the limiting factor (we can only have as many children as women can produce--which takes time). If desirable women (ones that will produce healthy offspring) are rare, then men would compete (i.e. fight) each other for them. This is obviously not a good thing if you are a leader trying to build up a strong culture/society (not good that healthy young men kill each other). To make up for this, the leaders created rules: one woman per man (officially) with a whole surrounding social structure to ensure this (marriage, family structure, religion, etc.).

My question is: do these pressures still exist? If not, why do we behave as if they do?

[nomas]

My question is: do these pressures still exist? If not, why do we behave as if they do?

I think that today any pressures are of "moral" nature. We behave as we do because we were brought up this way, and it's harder to go against the mainstream so we just go with it....but not all of us.