Is it all about the white picket fence?

[Gigabitch]

Besides being really ironic, is it good advertising to put up fences on a relationship forum...I mean really?

That was funny.

Better question: Why set a goal at all? If you have no goal, you can't fail.

Nor can you succeed.

I feel that having children can cause people to focus on their goals, spur them to get their shit together for the sake of the squirming, helpless creature that won't be able to function on it's own for years and years. It gives them purpose, which is completely different from meaning. Yes, I've met some people that have said that their kids give their life meaning and really meant it. They gave me the creeps. My ex-mother-in-law was one of them. She really feels that her life is completely devoid of meaning and she, herself holds no value beyond this passel of kids she's produced. Eeew.

I don't actually have a white picket fence. It would look weird in my Santa Fe neighborhood. I do have the husband and the kid and the stable job and the pets, though, and it's just a foundation. It's not "my life". It's just my circumstances, which are pretty well-suited for raising a kid in a stable environment, which is important to me. My childhood was very chaotic and insecure. My daughter doesn't have to deal with that.

I would like to add, though, that I didn't do any of this settling down shit until I was 30 and I strongly believe that if people want to be happy later in life, they have to sow some wild oats first. I did that for about 15 years, and it's well out of my system.

Fras, I think you might actually embrace the picket fence scenario someday, just not for a good, long time. I believe that you understand the value of a stable, loving home more than someone that just had that handed to them on a plate and didn't understand what a gift it was.

It's not bullshit and it's not empty. The answer to "Then what do they do" is simple: anything they want.

[boobaa]

I almost had the white picket fence dream. I was this close to having children. It's just not the real me--the me that makes be very happy. I wasn't made to just marry, produce, live in a traditional home, a traditional car, have a dog and cat, and another child on the way.

Now, I'm living the alternate American lifestyle and so far I am loving it! I hope to do more soon. And in a few years maybe I'll do the white picket fences

You are special.


So what are you actually doing then? Squatting in projects? What is this so called alternate American lifestyle? Black fence and different car?

[lesa]

You are special.


So what are you actually doing then? Squatting in projects? What is this so called alternate American lifestyle? Black fence and different car?

YOU don't KNOW what the alternate lifestyle is? You are slow. I suggest you join in or you will be missing out on purpose, my friend.

What are you doing with your life right now...waiting for your white picket fences?

[boobaa]

YOU don't KNOW what the alternate lifestyle is? You are slow. I suggest you join in or you will be missing out on purpose, my friend.

What are you doing with your life right now...waiting for your white picket fences?

WTF are you talking about. You sure seem to be so hedonistc.

Life where I live, is completely different.


So, please, explain.

[lesa]

If I tell you, you might get too excited and never seek the life of marriage and children.

[tooxshort]

How's the baby cooking going, Shorty?

Oh, it's fine. Wife has a "low placenta" and high blood pressure which is a bit worrisome. The blood pressure runs in her family though, but we're doing our best to be careful of what she consumes. But it's a bit rough when she goes into her mad cravings.

We just start registering for the baby shower ... having worked for a baby supply store before, I thought it'd be a cinch, but it's a lot more difficult when it's your own baby!

[Only-virgins]

It's not just a woman thing though. I have a close male friend who told me he had hoped this girl had gotten pregnant for him because he felt a child would make his life have a purpose. He feels he is here for no reason, and having a child would make him feel his existence is worthwhile. It's sad, and I wish I could help, but I am not having anymore kids for at least another 3 to 4 years with a man I can actually rely on.

Well, I couldn't care less and it doesn't seem to be getting any different. So I guess I speak for myself, as usual.

[vashti]

Oh, it's fine. Wife has a "low placenta" and high blood pressure which is a bit worrisome.

Do you mean her placenta is implanted lower than usual? How far along is she now?

[tooxshort]

Do you mean her placenta is implanted lower than usual? How far along is she now?

I suppose that's what it means ... she's susceptible to premature labor ... She's almost at 6 months ... 24 weeks ... So, it'll be coming soon. I'm just hoping for the best.

[vashti]

I'll keep you all in my thoughts, shorty. Have they talked about the possibility of bed rest and a C-section?

[Mish]

I almost had the white picket fence dream. I was this close to having children. It's just not the real me--the me that makes be very happy. I wasn't made to just marry, produce, live in a traditional home, a traditional car, have a dog and cat, and another child on the way.

Now, I'm living the alternate American lifestyle and so far I am loving it! I hope to do more soon. And in a few years maybe I'll do the white picket fences

I've had that dream as well, but I'm slowly beginning to realize that it's not all there is to it. There are other ways to live a happy life and even if it never happens there is nothing wrong with that. It's hard to view things this way when you're looking through the prism of the pressure of the family among other things. Fortunately living by myself brought me a lot of clarity on this issue.

[IndiReloaded]

So, is anyone actually going to describe this 'alternative lifestyle'? Or are you just going to keep pretending to be mysterious until you think of something good to post?

[Mish]

So, is anyone actually going to describe this 'alternative lifestyle'? Or are you just going to keep pretending to be mysterious until you think of something good to post?

Living your life happily without a pressure to have a family. The key word is "pressure", it stuffs things up.

[lesa]

I live for me and chase my dreams without thinking of how my actions will affect another.

I get to know myself better since I have only me to please. I only expect myself to keep me happy...not a spouse, not a child, not other people's views of what I should do in this stage of my life.

Honestly, (sorry I must say this) but if I had gone with the marriage, children, living where he expects me to go, etc. I would not be the happy person I am today. I never got to know the real me because I was never single during my adult life until now. I know what makes me happy and when I seek a serious relationship again (one that has a chance of marriage) he would know the new me...not the me that worried about whether my actions pleased or displeased that person.

The alternate lifestyle is to live (by choice) without the things people expect you to have at a certain stage in life. A few on here are doing it. Basically, it's any behavior considered outside the norm of society. It's becoming the norm so it's not seen as different depending on where you live.

[tooxshort]

I'll keep you all in my thoughts, shorty. Have they talked about the possibility of bed rest and a C-section?

Well, her two sisters have gone through c-sections, so she's definitely aware of the possibility. This whole thing has turned me into a chronic stressor. Thanks for the thoughts, Vash. I'm sure things'll end up alright eventually ... I'm just trippin' out more than I should ...