Help my GF has SERIOUS rape fantasies.

[misombra]

There is no such thing as "typical" BDSM. Hell, there's no such thing as typical sexuality. Everyone has their own particular tastes, styles, and likes and dislikes. That goes for your gf and for you as well.

Honestly, you may want to seriously consider parting ways with her. She's making you out to be the bad guy, which you aren't, and she's looking for something that's well beyond your comfort level. I am no fan at all of doing something in bed just because the other person wants it, but evidently your gf is. Besides, if she wants something much more intense, she may stand a better chance of getting it in another relationship. And you deserve someone who will respect your boundaries.



Have you considered the possibility that he's "being a man" (whatever that means) by NOT doing so?

have you considered the possibility that i was being sarcastic? (duh)

[ecojeanne]

she may not need counselling, she may just be a woman that enjoys being abused during sex. it's like weirdos that get turned on when toilets flush, it's a 'thing' for them. if it doesn't suit you, then tell her and either she will accept it or you will have to move on

[angel2002]

theres definitely something wrong with this woman. this is not normal, and she is crazy lol. if i were you id try to take her to conseling, and by the way u seem like a gentle guy and u do not have to share anything intimate with her that goes beyond your beliefs, and this would go beyond every normal person beliefs. if she insists in having this rough sex, which i think its mentally disorder sex, u should just leave. she wont be totally happy and satisfied with u if all she wants is to get the crap beaten out of her everytime she wants to c***.
u will definitely be stuck and with problems, thinking u r not the normal one when its obvious she is the wacko gal.
good luck

[RdHrshyKss]

you guys are incompatible sexually. you are both on such different extremes that i don't even think there is a way for you guys to come to any type of compromise. i know it sucks, because all other aspects of the relationship are ok, but intimacy is a really important aspect of a successful relationship. you don't have that, and never will. time to move on rather than continue wasting your time. she is trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants...she doesn't respect your feelings and is being extremely selfish...time to move on.

[iHEARTu]

WHOAA! I read half of that post and half was all I really needed to read. There's some heavy legal issues there man! I know it's not cool to just dump her and whatever but i think you should either consider talking to her SERIOUSLY, or .. well.. Dump her. I know that's mean.. But you could be taken to court for assault and murder attempt. "choking her" "hitting her" that's not cool. She should be told that.

[gregorymoto]

Sounds like you 2 are not compatible in the sex area. There is nothing wrong with her exotic taste in sex. We all have one or two fetishes that get our blood pumping.

[wanderer7]

Some people are into this. It seems to be a problem for you though. It has nothing to do with your masculinity. You either need to work this out together or split up. This seems to be something she really wants and you don't have the heart to do it - and I don't blame you. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You need to find a middle ground or this doesn't sound like it will work.

W

[newcity2010]

Rape fantasy & Role play is a part of S&M activity, from my personal experance: I love rough sex, a man who acts like those nutters in Porno film, tie me up and have his own way with me. the trouble is, if a person is into this kind of things.. she/him will find vanilla( nomal) sex very unsatisfying.......

It time for you to move on, you two are not compactable.

[tehwarlock]

It time for you to move on, you two are not compactable.

Lies! What fool dares to underestimate the mighty trash compactor?

How about surprise anal?

[gigigi4]

I thought bdsm was just spanking and rope though...she's never mentioned that phrase to me so I dont know if she even views it in that light...

It's not just rough 'sex' to her though, as Shammi had mentioned. If that's all it was I'd manage. For her it seems like it's less about the actual act being that way (rough), its more about being hit and roughed up... To me, it just comes off as dysfunctional. Im really grappling with that. I truly can't see how hitting her and generally just behaving like an ass should turn her on. If you start throwing someone around they are supposed to NOT want to sleep with you. It's become more a battle of ideology now between us. She truly believes I am repressing her and her sexuality. I hate that she thinks that. I just want her to WANT me to be a gentlemen, I hate that she doesn't want that from me..Ive never met a woman that thinks like her. I've tried to stay open but I just can't wrap my head around it. Before I posted here she questioned my masculinity, but now she thinks I'm sexist because of how I view it. To her, the only reason I refuse to do what she wants is because I have tooIt strict an idea of how men and women should behave. I've tried to see her side, but I know i'm not sexist. In my mind, me not wanting to treat her that way should prove Im not like that. Im so confused by it.

thankyou for the replies, they are really helpful by the way.

She has accused you of being sexist, but it seems to me like she is the one with very rigid and disturbing ideas of what constitutes masculinity, e.g. "a real man" can put his woman in her place by beating her in the bedroom and can also defend her against other males with violence. To me this seems more like a broader underlying issue as opposed to just a sexual fetish, as it is extending into her thinking in general. I agree that it's best to break up with her...she has issues and through these issues of hers (not yours) she's damaging your self-worth and self-confidence, and that sucks.

[megxox]

I personally think that this is just what she knows. This was the only kind of sex she was having, maybe the only time she ever "finished," and this behaviour was coming from someone who she thought loved her. Most women have a domination/rape fantasy, but it doesn't go nearly this far. She has a lot of issues that she hasn't worked out. You need to show her that she can enjoy sex and that sex can be fun without going this far. I'm not sure she even likes this, but this is what she knows. This is what sex is to her. And this is something that she really needs to work on. And you're going to have to work on it with her if you want to stay with her.

[Gratedwasabi]

She likes it. You don't. Doesn't mean something is wrong with her. She was probably with the guy that beat her up because she liked it. Believe it or not, that works for some people.

Decide whether or not you're willing to continue the relationship with bad sex for both of you. And hey, I feel your pain. I've been there. I'm all for a lot of roughness but I refuse to hit a girl's face or punch her and I've been with a couple girls that wanted me to, I refused, and eventually ended it 'cuz she just kept trying. I've also broken up with women because they only enjoyed vanilla, missionary sex. It happens.

[Cici54]

You have two problems:
1. You two have conflicting sexual turn-ons. In a normal situation you could get over this and compromise, however this comes down to problem two--
2. You're in an abusive relationship. She's putting you down emotionally and trying to control you.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Has she ever wanted to physically/sexually hurt you? It's possible and don't underestimate the power of women. You never know when she'll turn around and want to sexually control you. Be careful my friend because she sounds psychologically not well.

I agree with MarkB's statement. Get her help.

[red_sparrow]

Lol I tell mine to choke and hold me down..