Fiance and His Mother

[CocoChanel]

I don't get it. What boundaries though?

[Mish]

I don't get it. What boundaries though?

The first boundary is for her to show you respect in your own home, by not ridiculing you, pushing you aside and politely asking for permission if she wishes to cook.

Second boundary is to schedule her arrival in advance, she shouldn't just appear at your place out of nowhere whenever she wishes.


There are also relationship boundaries that you should have set with him before taking him back, I am hoping that you already have those boundaries covered.

[CocoChanel]

Well I am not sure what boundaries you are referring to but when we got back together we addressed the issues that led up to our break up. His mother has never come between us. But she is driving me nuts!! I don't know how to go about talking to him about this though because he just says... I know she's a bitch just ignore her.

[Heratriumphant]

I've never had to deal with this myself, but I've heard great things about a book called Toxic In-laws.

It may be worth a read.

[Mish]

I don't know how to go about talking to him about this though

Boundaries

[Indignant]

The first boundary is for her to show you respect in your own home, by not ridiculing you, pushing you aside and politely asking for permission if she wishes to cook.

Second boundary is to schedule her arrival in advance, she shouldn't just appear at your place out of nowhere whenever she wishes.

Mish, i got nothing but respect for you, but that ^^^ is unreal.

[vashti]

I don't really understand why you'd be bent out of shape because she cooked in your kitchen. Is it some sacred holy ground, or something? BTW - your BF grew up eating her cooking, and he didn't die. Therefore, I assume whatever she makes IS edible, andyour GF is only bitching to appease you.

Aside from that, I agree with everything Sonrisa said. Honestly, it shouldn't be so hard to just get along with his mom.

[Mish]

Mish, i got nothing but respect for you, but that ^^^ is unreal.

Why is it unreal dig?

It sounds like his mum disrespects her in her own home. Would you honestly tolerate this crap? I

She makes cracks on my heritage, she hardly ever has anything nice to say and she is just super snobbish.

she would try to embarrass me in front of their family. When I ask her why doesn't she like me... she told me because I am not right for her son and he needs a lady not a tomboy and risk-taker. Her son needs longevity.

She said she would only be 5 minutes so he told her to come over. When I answer the door... she rolled her eyes and pushed pass me. Woke up an hour or so later and she was still here.

I went to the restroom and she was talking about me to him.

I know I wouldn't. Especially from someone I just forgave and took back.

[Sonrisa]

I believe that there's a huge difference between mom's of women and mom's of man. I wish there was a different word for each in English. I don't think Mish we'll ever be able to understand what a mother of a guy behaves/feels like and how hard it is to deal with them for some.

Unfortunately in Coco's situation (and each situation is different) she can't gain respect overnight. Anako's mom sees her as an unworthy partner of her son. And it will take decades to change her opinion. Until Coco bears her some grandkids that situation will most likely not change.

[Gribble]

This shouldn't really be Coco's fight. If Anako's mom is really all that bad he should be the one setting boundaries.

If my mom doesn't think the woman I love is good enough for me, well, she can take that thought and stick it up her ass.

[Gigabitch]

I agree. This isn't a mama problem. It's an Anako problem. Yes, another one.

[Sonrisa]

I dunno Giga, we are talking about an Italian mama here. that must be taken into consideration.

[Gigabitch]

Meh, I have very little patience for this type of thing. My ex-husband is 40 years old and is still tied to his mama's apron strings. It's disgusting.

[Sonrisa]

Meh, I have very little patience for this type of thing. My ex-husband is 40 years old and is still tied to his mama's apron strings. It's disgusting.

I think it's a matter of respect. Do you have boys, Giga?

[CocoChanel]

I don't really understand why you'd be bent out of shape because she cooked in your kitchen. Is it some sacred holy ground, or something? BTW - your BF grew up eating her cooking, and he didn't die. Therefore, I assume whatever she makes IS edible, andyour GF is only bitching to appease you.

Aside from that, I agree with everything Sonrisa said. Honestly, it shouldn't be so hard to just get along with his mom.

Okay... when his father was alive... his father did most of the cooking and when he wasn't available to the maids would be responsible for the cooking. Mostly because they never liked her cooking. It's one of the things he is so embarrassed about. He told me once about how she used to always want to invite his friends and their families over for big dinners and neighborhood gatherings and he used to cry because they gossiped about how bad his mother's cooking is. TRUST ME. Anako ducks and dodges her meals every chance he gets. He's just never had the guts to tell her the food sucks. Also... I was mad because she left my kitchen a mess and yes I take a lot of pride about my kitchen because it's my heaven.

It shouldn't be so hard to get along with his mother and I have dealt with the shit for 5 years and I'm tired of it. I don't like the racial comments she makes, I don't like the silly things she does just to piss me off. I'm tired of the public embarrassment she puts me through when we are all out together. It's ridiculous.