Is this "stonewalling"??

[bcgirl]

I don’t own a car either… the car is his. I only got my licence a few years ago (I live in a busy city and never wanted or needed a car, but he would nag at me to get my licence so I finally did, purely to get him off my back).

The one car we do have is way too big for me to drive. I can’t even reach the pedals.

So, yeah… there’s that too…

there are a million excuses out there that you can use. It's like a fat person who wants to be thin and healthy, yet still eats junk food everyday and delays the dieting process until some other day when they might be more "in the mood". Well, just like dieting....breaking up is hard. But if you want to change your life into a healthy and happier direction, it's up to you and only you to do it.

[Gypsybell]

Certainly, you have dependancy issues and perhaps that is why you are a target for his sarcasm, because you do the doormat and don't earn his respect by standing up for yourself.

But you know you'll have to figger life out for yourself in the end, because he'll probably end up discarding you. The older you get the more of your life you will have to regret if you waste it being negative and unhappy. You can expect him to get less happy too if you are not satisfying each other. I would suggest that if you can't leave then change your attitude and become independant within the relationship. Rock the boat and call the shots.

Don't start any sentence with "Can I....", just state, " I am going to.... go out.. stay home... paint the floor ....whatever...". The next time he ignores you just leave him to stew in his own juice and go to the movies. Stay at a friend's place overnight. Get outside interests and don't attend group gatherings where he holds court. Or give as good as you get. Stop being amenable, if you don't like his attitude then tell him to pull his head in. He'll either find the new you refreshing or turf you out, hopefully with assistance to move the furniture.

Yess! That's the answer! You'd be amazed how quickly you'll be shifted once he wants you out. Maybe he does already and is just as fed up as you. Have you asked him? Really, words are all it takes to end a relationship. Just tell him you don't want to be his woman and stop the sex and it'll be all over before you know it.

[IndiReloaded]

Classic battered woman syndrome. Where are you now OP? Where do you want to be? I think you are still in Stage 3, hoping he'll change.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-- Anais Nin

1] Denial: The woman refuses to admit - even to herself - that she has been beaten or that there is a "problem" in her marriage. She may call each incident an "accident". She offers excuses for her partner's violence and each time firmly believes it will never happen again.

2] Guilt: She now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She "deserves" to be beaten or treated badly, she feels, because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her partner's expectations.

3] Enlightenment: The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her partner's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one "deserves" to be beaten. She is still committed to her relationship, though, and stays with her partner, hoping they can work things out.

4] Responsibility: Accepting the fact that her partner will not, or cannot, stop their violent behavior, the battered woman decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

[MerryH]

I don’t think that’s a necessary or at all constructive thing to say

Okay, I'll be more constructive. My intent was to motivate you to get out, and from that, you picked one little detail to use as a reason why you can't do it while completely missing the point, which was mainly "Don't place more value on your material possessions than on your own well being."

At some point you're going to have to stop making up excuses if you ever want to leave.

[bcgirl]

Classic battered woman syndrome. Where are you now OP? Where do you want to be? I think you are still in Stage 3, hoping he'll change.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-- Anais Nin

1] Denial: The woman refuses to admit - even to herself - that she has been beaten or that there is a "problem" in her marriage. She may call each incident an "accident". She offers excuses for her partner's violence and each time firmly believes it will never happen again.

2] Guilt: She now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She "deserves" to be beaten or treated badly, she feels, because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her partner's expectations.

3] Enlightenment: The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her partner's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one "deserves" to be beaten. She is still committed to her relationship, though, and stays with her partner, hoping they can work things out.

4] Responsibility: Accepting the fact that her partner will not, or cannot, stop their violent behavior, the battered woman decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

THank you for this. Yes, hoping the OP will reach stage 4 very soon. She is not quite there yet. Have you ever consider going to therapy? I think it's a very good idea, perhaps that will quicken the process of you jumping from stage 3 to stage 4.