Well, so much for love.....

[basilandthyme]

I DO suffer from some pretty intense deppresion. But I've never had it diagnosed or treated. I tend to suffer from self-image issues, lack of self-esteem, etc. I find it impossible to be with large groups of people. It seems they are always judging me and ostracizing me. I'm not very good at speaking or conversation. My depression often gets to the point where I cannot enjoy the things I love. I have no energy most of the time either.

I know y'all aren't my shrinks so I'll just leave it at this.

No we're not your shrinks, but many of us have similar experiences. Me? I've been on antidepressants for years.

What are you doing about getting help for your issues? I tell you, therapy (and drugs if required) can make a world of difference to your outlook and coping abilities.

[pcmaster]

So lets found out whats your problem.

Do this test and say if you score any points
[url=http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism-quiz.htm]Short Autism Screening Test[/url]

Also do you sometimes have sudden bursts of energy and then other times you feel like you lack energy to do things? Do you sometimes feel sudden anger?
ALso theres this bipolar test that have a lot to do with depression.
[url=http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/bipolarquiz.htm]Bipolar Screening Quiz | Psych Central[/url]

If you score around 16 points then you better go see doctor for medication.

Then again maybe you can do well without medication. Like if you have a good job, some good friends then you might get on a straight road easy. Besides that join gym and dance classes(become confident when touching hot girls by dancing salsa). Read smart books.

However with mindest you have now about your future with girls you need counseling or therapist.

Theres really that much I can suggest without knowing how your life is right now. If you do all of it you would be fixed for sure, then again maybe just few things are enough to fix the broken links in chain.
My point is you have to become attractive human being first. If you met a girl and then make changes for her then once you feel comfortable with her you will go to your old ways and become lazy. You at least have to be on the right way before you can make healthy relationships with girls. Feeling sorry for yourself or don't liking yourself means you have to work on yourself.

[TheEvilJester]

Tampitump, there is no reason you have to suffer through this alone. Take it from a guy who made the mistake of suffering through it alone. I do feel I've largely gotten over my problems, but I could have done that so much more easily and quickly had I gotten help. The unfortunate truth people like you and I do need to realize is we will never be 100% free of those demons forever. I wish I could say differently, but unfortunately it is a battle we will always fight.

The thing is, you can develop better weapons in your arsenal so that the worst of times become very few and far between, and even when you do hit those low moments it can be easier to get back out of them. If you've been battling this for a long time on your own, then maybe the time is long overdue for you to seek help.

Believe me, I understand the reluctance to do that. Please do not mistake seeking help for weakness. It is NOT weak to admit when you need help, nor is it weak to seek out the help you need. In fact, it is very strong to do so and is the first step in fighting back when you have otherwise been unable to get through it on your own.

What you are going through sounds a lot like the things I have gone through myself. I've always been pretty down on myself as well. It is really only through effort that I've been able to force myself to stop doing that. Believe me, SO much easier said than done, but it comes down to a mental thing, really. To finally just being fed up with being so down, so you decide you aren't going to let life kick you around anymore. If you can't seem to get to that point on your own, then get to it however you can. If that means seeking the help of a trained professional who can help you build the skills you need to be this thing, then go for it.

Also, no offense intended to anybody AT ALL, but I've always hated the advice like "How will anybody ever love you if you can't even love yourself?" That advice isn't really helpful. For somebody like myself, you might as well be saying "Nobody will ever love you." It is too hard, almost impossible even, for us to love ourselves. Heck, in my past, my lack of any kind of love life has been a huge part of why I don't love myself, so how in the Hell is that exactly supposed to help? That's like saying I'm depressed because nobody loves me, and as a result I hate myself. But.... nobody will ever love me if I hate myself. But I can't stop hating myself because nobody loves me..... but nobody will love me if I don't stop hating myself.... Do you see why that isn't helpful?

I think the IDEA behind that advice is true, though. The point being, if you carry yourself like you don't love yourself, that is going to make it very hard for anybody to be drawn to you. When you get that low, it can be hard not to just basically live it in your whole life. People can just look at you and know you don't care about yourself. The way you carry yourself, the way you talk to people, the way you interact with people.

So, what guys like us need to do is to learn not to let our worst times effect every aspect of us and of our being. Nobody should know the struggles you face unless they are somebody really close to you. Then you at least give somebody a chance to get closer to you, which would maybe help you actually want to fight for yourself in the first place. Otherwise, I know from experience, it can seem too daunting and pointless to bother to try.

Again, I hate how much all of this just seems like words. I know from experience how hard it is to do these things, but I also know from experience that it is the only way to get through it. When I had my first girlfriend, I still didn't care for myself very much. But, I had learned not to let that effect every aspect of my life. I had learned not to dwell on it whenever I could help it, learned not to have every other word out of my mouth be something depressing, etc. Through finally getting a girlfriend, I started really getting over all that, but it was learning how to better deal with it that made getting a girlfriend possible in the first place. Now, she wound up being a HUGE mistake, but the important thing was that I had made the progress in my own self to finally start to fight back against my issues.

I wish you the same strength. I wish I could share it with you. If you cannot get there on your own, please do not hesitate to get help. You do NOT deserve to have to live like this.

[tampitump]

If I were to describe what I look like, it would be Napoleon Dynamite meets Shaggy from scooby doo meets goofy. Except taller and lankier with a hellacious overbite and a crazily haped back. I video taped myself doing various things just to get a visual of how the world sees me when I'm just doing things my natural way. God, I'm so goofy and awkward looking. Girls like sexy men who have a nice build and a nice 'manly" look. I'm so damn ugly and goofy looking. Makeovers are useless. No matter what I do, my real looks still shine through. Nothing looks good on me. I'm just pitiful in that department.

To be honest, I'm not very well off in the personality department either. I'm just overall not fit for girls or society. Probably why I've never done anything with my life and have stayed at home doing nothing. It's just too late to try to change things now. I'm too old and nothing would work anyway.

[pcmaster]

Its not too late. You just have to leave your comfort zone. If you still live with your parents then start living on your own.

[tampitump]

Its not too late. You just have to leave your comfort zone. If you still live with your parents then start living on your own.

I don't have the energy to take an interest in my life anymore. I sometimes wonder why people like me are born. I mean really, what's the point of having duds? I guess we have to have losers to know winners, right? I guess that's possibly a way my life has purpose.

I often get to the point where I just don't want to live anymore. I don't want to wake up another day. I just want to lay down, go to sleep, never wake up, and forget this life ever happened.

[pcmaster]

I think you have to start with injecting your life with positive things. Can you go to gym? It would be great therapy for you and you could get out of your head. Sport teaches how to be in present moment.

[basilandthyme]

In the beginning of this thread, I reached out to you. So did a heap of other people. But you've thrown it all back at us and are now sinking in self pity thinking that nobody cares.

If you reject the hands of support in real life like you have here, it's no wonder you're alone.

[tampitump]

In the beginning of this thread, I reached out to you. So did a heap of other people. But you've thrown it all back at us and are now sinking in self pity thinking that nobody cares.

If you reject the hands of support in real life like you have here, it's no wonder you're alone.

I told you I was on here to vent. I'm just being honest about my feelings.

[pcmaster]

Dude you are feeling crazy. I suggest you to listen to these kind people and take their advice. You can change your life and become a human if you absorb what they say.

[basilandthyme]

I told you I was on here to vent. I'm just being honest about my feelings.

Do you not see the irony of complaining about being alone while rejecting hands of support?

[tampitump]

Do you not see the irony of complaining about being alone while rejecting hands of support?

I never denied I was doing this. You're missing my point. I'm not complaining because I can't get a girlfriend and I'm trying to. I'm complaining because I get upset when I can't figure things out and solve them. The issue of girls never being attracted to me remains unresolved to my mind. My mind will not rest until I figure out the true reason. I could care less about having a girl now. When I was saying that stuff earlier, I wasn't trying to put myself down. I was just naming off possible reasons why women don't like me. Describing my depression and how my emotions are sometimes seems valid. But I wasn't always this way.

Like I said earlier, it's the 'why' that bothers me. I could care less about relationships.

[basilandthyme]

I never denied I was doing this. You're missing my point. I'm not complaining because I can't get a girlfriend and I'm trying to. I'm complaining because I get upset when I can't figure things out and solve them. The issue of girls never being attracted to me remains unresolved to my mind. My mind will not rest until I figure out the true reason. I could care less about having a girl now. When I was saying that stuff earlier, I wasn't trying to put myself down. I was just naming off possible reasons why women don't like me. Describing my depression and how my emotions are sometimes seems valid. But I wasn't always this way.

Like I said earlier, it's the 'why' that bothers me. I could care less about relationships.

I offered you reasons and you rebuffed them all and went into a rant about why you are being rejected. It seems to me that you already have defined the reasons you think it's happening and are not open to any other thoughts.

When others have tried to help you figure it out, you've rebuff them too because they aren't helping in the special and particular way you expect them to help.

I'm going to suggest that *one of* the reasons you got rejected is because you're persnickety. You are unable to go with the flow. Things must be done in your way only. But of course, you will rebuff me.

- - - Updated - - -

And just adding

I DO suffer from some pretty intense deppresion. But I've never had it diagnosed or treated. I tend to suffer from self-image issues, lack of self-esteem, etc. I find it impossible to be with large groups of people. It seems they are always judging me and ostracizing me. I'm not very good at speaking or conversation. My depression often gets to the point where I cannot enjoy the things I love. I have no energy most of the time either

This ^^^ is another reason girls (and probably people in general) avoid you. I have suggested you get help, but apparently you are too old to bother. Which makes me sad because I was so much older than you when I sorted out my own mental health....but hey, if that's what you want for yourself...

Oh, and all those persnickety traits? They'd get addressed by the same meds which treat depression.

[tampitump]

I won't take meds. They mask the issue instead of solving it. They don't teach you how to deal with things.

However, you're right. Everything you've said is right. I think that's probably the bulk of my problem. Admitting that these traits are 'problems' has always been tough for me. I never wanted to think of anything I had as being a problem or ailmemt or something that needed fixing.

Although I will say the relationship thing is not something I think needs fixing. I've seen how girls are and how relationships go, I don't think I'd ever want to be part of that. People claim to be faithful and upstanding, yet you see them flirting or cheating very often.

Hell, I have a friend right now who is currently engaging in some dirty texts with a girl we went to high school with who just got married. They text each other all the time. She sent him naked pictures on her WEDDING NIGHT! I don't get it! This is how I have found most people act these days. I thought relationships were supposed to be RELATIONSHIPS! As in, between two people only!

I guess it's just my inexperience that causes me to not understand how and why relationships tend to work this way these days. I'm so out of touch I just don't even know what's going on most of the time when I see two people together.

One other reason I won't date is because at my age, most girls are veterans of dating and my inexperience would prove to be out classed. Most of them have kids by now and I don't want my first relationship to have kids involved. It's just not a good time to START dating. I'm too old.

I'm a very unique person and was raised by unique people and am from a very unique place. My situation growing up was very untraditional. I've never found anyone that could relate to me or whom I could relate to. Everyone else seems normal. No one else grew up with a lifestyle like mine.

So basically when it comes to dating, sex, relationships, marriage, involvement. I can't, I won't, I shouldn't.

[solarion]

I don't have the energy to take an interest in my life anymore. I sometimes wonder why people like me are born. I mean really, what's the point of having duds? I guess we have to have losers to know winners, right? I guess that's possibly a way my life has purpose.

I often get to the point where I just don't want to live anymore. I don't want to wake up another day. I just want to lay down, go to sleep, never wake up, and forget this life ever happened.

Gawd what a load of self pity crap. You're 24 years old, this is likely going to go on for decades if you cannot find the strength to change course.

The issue of girls never being attracted to me remains unresolved to my mind.

It's easily resolved when one listens to how you talk about yourself. I don't generally give people that don't value themselves the time of day. Why should I? Do you think women that are worthwhile think differently? People intuitively sense confidence and lack thereof in others and they instinctively react.

Suggest you forget about the girl "non-problem" that you're indirectly complaining about while claiming to not complain about and focus on things that will build your self esteem and confidence. Interact with people in situations and environments in which you're most comfortable. Perhaps specific meetup groups could help.