Why are females affraid of relationships with friends ?

[whaywardj]

I'm ranging in that direction myself, Shh!.

[Asip4u]

I thought it was strange that she first agreed with me and then disagreed on my agreeance with OV (same issue)...I decided to just leave it alone though.

[shh!]

Maybe her opinion is evolving...

[RaZ]

I just waana know if it is possible that she would change her mind ... I don't care that my chances are allmost 0, but is the any chance ? For now i'll still hope because i know she deservers someone nice and i know that if she forgets about the friends thing i could be that someone...

[indigosoul]

Indigosoul 10/3/05: "This hasn't been my experience, OV and Asip. Some friendships can rise above the sex thing, especially if the friends are getting it from someone else. Tho I think that there has to be a significant history before the attraction for this to evolve."

Indigosoul 9/27/05: "In my experience/observation, also true. Close friendships b/t males & females ALWAYS leads to love unless there is some barrier preventing it. Its a natural extension to caring about someone that deeply."

Okay. I give up. Which is it, really?

I don't understand the confusion. Love doesn't equal sex. Anyway, i was making a generalization. I think in this particular case, there isn't enough of a healthy friendship (involving reciprocation, as mentioned earilier) to merit either.

[Only-virgins]

Im sticking with it. Friends or lovers...not both...if one wants to be lovers...neither will work.

[indigosoul]

Im sticking with it. Friends or lovers...not both...if one wants to be lovers...neither will work.

Your opinion; my experience, OV. Again, for this particular case, tho, I agree.

I guess its true that IF someone wants to be lovers more than friends then, yes, it won't work. But it IS possible to decide, even with attraction, that a friendship isn't going there. It requires maturity, acceptance and a shift in mindset, which is difficult for those caught up in strong emotion but it can happen. And both friends need to be on the same page about it. Its a question of how strong the friendship bond is.

The love thing is entirely different. You can love a friend and not be their lover. You'll disagree, I know, but I think we're just back to definitions again, which has been discussed before.

So Raz, I guess I'm saying, rather than change her, you'd do better to change yourself.

[RaZ]

I have nothing against relationships between friends....I'll leave her alone anyway it is her decision. If she ever changes her mind or starts missing me (the me that was in love with her), i would give her a chance, even if my feelings go away...I know i can love her again. Of course if i love someone else then the answer would be no...

[magikpumpkin]

I went out with my best mate and it proved to be the worst decision i'd ever made in my life. I was in love with her i admit, she liked me but eveidently didn't feel as strongly and when it all ended and she found another guy later on, the friendship broke into pieces and now is non-existant. Very painful long term, as all i wanted to do was restore it back to how it was before everything we'd gone through.

She's already said no, i'd respect that; i've ****ed with the boundary too much with my ex/ex-best friend, i know how wrong things can go if you do that man. Besides, value the friendship that's there, sure you have feelings for her but try to lose them, quick, else things'll just get weird, especially if you've just said you won't bring it up unless she wants to. By the looks of it she doesn't want to bring it up, don't keep hopeful that she might, cause she probably won't. Don't let yourself fall into a hole you'll regret later on.

I'd strongly advise against it, at all.

[1337M4N]

That so reminded me of this :
i can't post the url i don't have 15 post yet

There's lots of girls out there... 8 years is uhm.... a considerable amount of time to come out of the blue with "Me liikkee you" ...
Not good... definitely not a good thing...

ok i have a lot to still read but i want to say thank you for the ode to the nice guy b/c i have heard that o too many times " you would make a grate boyfriend...." ok so why is the ancer no i have 4 years with this girl i'm talking about after about 2 years i started to like her i know her parents like me i was the first guy they left her home alone with. we where only 16 at the time

i told her how i felt after about a year after i started to like her why did i wait so long b/c at the time she was datimg my best frind since preeschool but she said he chander after the first 6 mounths and he did i saw him go back to the way he nomaly was with ppl never really paying to much attetion to whats going on his mom and /or i had to remind him to call her to ask her to go do things but she stuck with him for about 2 years then she brakes up with him the day b4 my birthday and tells me the day after my birthday thinking it would have bug my on my birthday (i really didn't care)

about 2 - 3 month later i tell her how i feal and and i get the "i don't want to lose you as a friend" line. bin a few months wow ok longer ten that it's my birth day this month and she and i are in collage now she is about 300 miles away and won't respongto e-mail i talk to her friends and (they have said the make a good boyfriend thing too but i don't like any of them) that way they tell me that she is to busy to talk to me b/c of classes and every thing. i look at them and ask how they know that if she dosen't have time to talk, but i don't push it i have heard that she comes up on weekends the see my best friend her ex and hasent said boo to me. sorry take that back i saw her a christmas when she came by to drom off a gift for him said hi and by ( he and i where hanging out at his house) she said she had to run and took off ( yes i can see she is avoiding me) i have just about given up any hope that she will wake up and go "wait i said he would mak a good boyfriend what the hell am i doing?"

ok i know that is one long spelling error if you can read it good for you other wise i'm sorry b/c i am a math guy not an english one if you talk to me inpersion i could tell it to you much better you mite even think i was an english guy any way i'm going to read the rest of the poast and get back to this in a bit so if i sould like i had mood swing, that would be why

why is it if the girl like the guy and the guy says no there is nothing there or even gives it a chance the friendship gose on after the brake up but if a guy likes a girls in a friendship and they try it and it dosen't work the friend ship gose down the drain MOST of the time ok i hav ranted long enuf and i know i'm bring ing up a 4-5 month old post but i just wnater to say this here rather then lame a new post

ok hope some one can read my mess i left here

[confused01]

i once rejected a good freind of mine not because i liked him but he was my best freind at the time, i didn't loose his freindship he did. it was when i was in high school. in high school i had crush on someone that he didn't know, i told him but he didn't believe it he thought i'm making it up.
i really miss him as a freind not as a bf, i know he would have cared about me and loved me but his personality wasn't something i would consider as a bf.
he didn't say it straight but he would flirt with me and i'll stop the flirting (i do like it from a bf not a freind).

and know i'm the one who has feelings for a freind i know my chances are very few but i revealed my feelings honestly without flirting or anything like that. the thing i like about him most is his personality and qualities. i think i love him but i do not want my love to grow inside without knowing his feelings. i do hope to either grow the with him or stop them before i get hurt deeper.

[SickTear]

I had the same thing, and i think i still do. Only that i didn't told her face to face. actually i never told her, she found out by hereself while she was one time at my place, i was taking a bath and she snooped around in my writings where she found her "character" that i was in love with for the past 10 months.
Now, excuse me for saying this but she acted waaay off line. I mean she freaked out big time .... didn't talk to me for 2 weeks and then called to apologize ... and said she sees me only as a friend ... 1 week later we were walking trough the park and she kissed me ... after that said that it didn't mean nothing and she still sees me as a friend .... jesus **** ... I think this thing with best friends is universal ...

[confused01]

yeah it is
what to do right now i'm waiting for my freinds answer.
i wake up everyday at 6am that's unusual for me waking up early.check my emails my junk mail expecting an answer i hate waiting and the think is that i sometimes think he still didn't read the email or maybe he did now he must hate me, or he is angry...
he is not my best freind because i didn't use to hang out with him too much, he was my classmate, for one year i noticed my feelings a month ago. now it's been almost 3days since i sent that damn email. and yet no answer. he isn't here where i live now, he is back to his country( asia) i'm froma different continent we met in north america as student. i know they might be no chance and i'm hanging myself to maybe 20% chance or less. i need to hear a no to move on, i do not wish to let this grow without know the nature of his feelings towards me.
< i know our freindship won't be the same. i don't know right now i'm regretting the fact i sent him that email, but at the same time happy to take the loud off. do you think no answer is an answer in this case, or he still didn't read the email?

[SickTear]

Maybe he just didn't open his e-mail ... i mean ... dunno the network failed ... and i don't think he hates you that's harsh, and from my point of you not answering isn't a no. I mean why not answer at all ... plus it's not like you're looking at him in the face expecting an answer so it's very easy for him to give you one

[confused01]

i know that but my stupid brain makes me think about other possibilities. and also i hate waiting, if it was an exam at school i never care, i know what to expect but this is difficult for me to know becausse it all depends on his decision.i need a hint or a sign.
today it's day 3 no reponse yet.