I once knew a guy that I felt, and still feel, that if I had been given enough time and enough of a chance with him, I could have fallen in love with him. No, I did not love him at the time of our parting, but it was just...odd. His name was Evan. He was just out of military service when I met him. He was also a great lover of literature, as am I. We used to go on walks together and debate various topics such as politics, books we read, and ideas on life and selfishness. We seldom agreed on our ideas, but he intrigued me. The conversation was always good, too. He told me that I had a sharp mind; he was actually the first guy I ever shared my opinions with. Before I met him, I had worse confidence and self-esteem than I do right now. I was always quiet- kept to myself and no one knew I was gay. I didn't really keep friends either because of trust issues. He was also the first guy I actually trusted enough to open up to. He was just the type of guy who could still make you feel like a human being even when he was mad at you... So, what went wrong? We both had our restrictions that kept us from keeping touch. I don't even know if he was gay/bisexual or not... I haven't seen him since June 9, 2009.
I didn't love him, but if we had dated, I think I could have.
But as for actual love I feel, I'm in love with a man right now that I can never have. I posted all about this in the Broken Heart's forum, so I won't go on too much about this. Basically, though, he's been my friend for three years pretty much. He was the first actual gay friend I ever had. Though, he now, as of his birthday two nights ago, has a boyfriend, I still wish this was a dream- that I'd wake up and it'd be October when we texted in the early morning after only a few hours of sleep- talking about making breakfast together and how good it could be. I love him more than anything, and I'm glad he's happy, though. I'll always love him. The first week I met him, I instantly liked him. We had a mutual attraction, but a misunderstanding kept us apart. We would talk and joke around all the time, and that first week holds one of my best memories with him. He was with his best friend and her boyfriend at the shore, and we were just texting. He expressed that he felt like the third wheel a lot, and we ended up having a really nice conversation about relationships and what a relationship should be. He sent me a picture that day of the beach they were at, and I've used that picture as the background of my phone more than I've ever used any other picture. It's just a 33kb image of the tide rolling in with his shadow cast in the foreground, but it's just one of those things that has sentimental value. Truth be told, I don't even know why I use it so much. But it's the only picture I really would be extremely upset about losing if my phone's files were all lost.