Suspicious of my husband and sister

[LifeInflux]

Haha...yes, but wouldn't you still want to know for sure? I'm obsessive so I guess I'd have to get the hard evidence. But, you're right the trust is already broken regardless.

I would want to be certain as well, yes, but then again, with a camera, I'm not sure I'd like what I saw :/ but I guess knowing for certain is better than not.

[rafterman]

if you are still confused and unsure-get a lie detectr test done

LOL... I thought the camera idea was OTT. Gee whiz... How 'bout we get the thumbscrews and bamboo splinters out aswell, really put the squeaze on him. IMO I think the sister is the cause of this drama

[Maple1714]

Hard evidence could help in the divorce proceedings....but ugh all of this does sound like a Lifetime movie and very depressing. OP- Just talk to your husband. Sorry, you have doubts about your husband. Those doubts are your answer.

[TrinaRose]

Wow. I didn't expect so many comments. Some was hard to read because its facing my reality. I dont think I could get a camera although I thought about it. Seeing them in action would break my heart terribly. I couldn't handle that. Let me just say this, of course I let my sis spend the summer with me because she my baby sister. Anyone you should trust should be your sister. I'm secure enough not to have itto where a woman cant visit. But i doubt I'd do it again.

I asked him about the thongs and he said to me, well when had sex the other nite you probably threw them under the bed like you always. do and i told him they wasn't mind and its only my sis because i was with her when she purchased them. He got really upset and asked what the hell was I implying? I looked him in his eyes but I couldn't read him. He sort of laughed but was still upset and said he couldnt. believe what I was implying. I haven't asked my sister yet. In myheart, shit doesn't seem right but I intend to find out. I also looked in the guest room my sis is staying in and my shower massager from my bathroom was in the shower she is using inthe guest bathroom. I never use it. My hubby only does and i told my sis who asked to use itbefore dont bother it and she is the kind of person to not listen but it seems weird as if he showered in there with her. I know i sound crazy paranoid but my heart is telling me these things and tonight I'm going to talk to her and may have her leave. We live in the same state but she is in a diff city. I have to know the truth. My hubby has been so attentive and i hate to think the worst but i keep catching him catching eyes with my sis but he looks away and then they both look sort of shamed. I just dont know. Its sound easy to approach but not so much as you all may think.

[toknow]

Now that you've told them you suspect them, it's might be much harder for you to find out.

[michelle23]

this is a very tricky situation.everything your husband does now makes him look guilty because you already suspect that he is so he cannot do right from wrong.

i think you need to ask him again "did anything happen between you and her"

then ask your sister "why was your underwear under my bed"

the cat is already out of the bag. he knows your suspicious so get to the bottom of this now.

dont let this go until you know the truth and your 100% certain. i know a lady who suspected her man of cheating with her best friend. he denied everything. 20 years later she found out she was right and felt as if her whole marriage had been one lie and shed wasted her whole life on the wrong man so dont let this go

[namemyname]

I think if he were innocent, he would have also said he wanted to find out why her panties were under your bed. Why would this not be an obvious question of his?

I dunno, hon. I don't want to wind you up anymore, but women's intuition is an amazing thing, and usually never wrong. Go with your gut here.

[michelle23]

i think if all you did was ask a question calmly and he reacted badly-that is a sign of guilt. i too believe you should follow your gut on this.

[michelle23]

i read your original post again and yes you have a lot of reasons to be concerned. i dont think you are being paranoid at all. i would be planning the divorce by now

[Millie]

I looked him in his eyes but I couldn't read him.

I'm sorry but I can't get past this part - you really couldn't read him? I just find that incredible - I truly don't mean to make you feel worse than you already do, your situation is awful and I feel horrible for you, but how can you not read the person you're married to? Did your instinct really not tell you anything at all, or did it just not tell you what you wanted it to? I have no idea whether your husband is guilty or innocent of what you suspect - from everything you've written it doesn't look good but fact can sometimes be stranger than fiction so there may well be a plausible explanation for the various 'clues' you're picking up on - but if it were me I would be more concerned that I was married to someone I can't read than I would be about whether or not he cheated.

[michelle23]

unless you are a human lie detector-it is impossible to read. sure if hed cheated ten times in the past and lied to her every second day about every small and big thing-she would be able to spot the signs and read him like a book.

however, its almost impossible the first time to figure out who is right/wrong without any proof.

just coz your married to someone-doesnt mean you no whats going on in their head and if this is the first time hes ever lied-how is she supposed to no? she aint psychic so give her a break

[Millie]

Okay well no you're right you don't know what's going on in someone else's head and I'm not expecting anyone to be psychic but I'm pretty much certain if I called my husband out on something major like that I would be able to read his response well enough to conclude something from it. We're not talking about a virtual stranger here, we're talking about the person you're supposed to know better than pretty much anyone else on the planet. Impossible to read your spouse? Sorry but I'm just going to have to beg to differ on that.

[michelle23]

agree to disagree then. let us no how easy you find it to read someone if you ever find yourself in OP's shoes. it is not as black and white as you think it is.

first of all she doesnt want to believe its true-prob in denial which is perfectly normal for anyone in this situation. its a defence mechanism. even if she had proof right in front of her that guaranteed it is 100%true-a large part of her would still hope its some kinda mistake until she is ready to process and deal with it.

IF her husband has cheated-her whole life is gonna change. she needs more proof than trying to read his mind

[UnderTheMoon]

I feel unless you have seen someone in the act of lying, then you really don't know. I may sound terrible but I have tested people I have been with, with questions. Just things to see how they respond. Normally that is how I judge and measure when they are lying or being truthful with me. Every man I have ever been with has lied at some point or another and eventually stopped trying because I was able to pick up on it immediately. I only had problems in the beginning with my second somewhat serious boyfriend, but he started out lying and believed his own lies so strongly they seemed like truth. If you never deal with someone that bad, then you can never call yourself a master at reading people. Sometimes I like it, and other days I hate it. Really diminishes the dating field for me and the guys I end up liking because I felt good about what I saw, normally were already interested in someone else.

Look, your husband does have telltale signs, and laughing a little even upset, is a sign of lying. I have seen others do it, hell, even I HAVE done that myself. It is kind of like a reaction on the outside to the thought on the inside saying "OH god she knows."

Send your sister packing. Distance yourself from your husband and leave if you have to for a bit. Guilt will crumble even the toughest of people down to nothing with time.

Sorry this is happening, seems so screwed up and it really isn't your fault you were taken advantage of trying to be the person to bring a makeshift family together. I hope things get better for you.

[namemyname]

Its not just her husband, though.

Its her adopted sister. Ugh. If this turns out to be true, I can't imagine her parents feeling good about bringing this person into the family.

It's so much more complex than just a dog of a husband. This will have awful ripples...