tells me that we can try again in the future

[spartacus]

last weekend when I saw my ex, I thought she was going out all the time, spending time with people and basically didnt want to know me at all. I told her that I thought about her all the time, and couldnt get her out of my head, and do you know what she said?

she told me that she still thought of me and she wasnt always busy. she said she thought about me when she's stuck in traffic, or late at night when shes in bed....

My point is, although she may not be coming back, although she may hate me at the moment and insist I dont EVER contact her again, I now realise she still thinks about me.

chances are your ex wont come back.... mine prolly wont either. but who knows? maybe if we both have no contact with them we might be surprised?


(hope you had a good night sleep by the way )

[buzz bee]

i know that hes not out having fun every minute of every day, but i also know that he is out with the guys celebrating his new found singledom - none of his friends have girlfriends and are all trying to hook him up as quickly as possible... i know he isnt looking for someone else, but if someone else comes along i know he wont say no... i guess im hanging onto hope until he does find soemone else.... hes told me he doesnt realy think of me that much, doesnt really miss me that much, that its not hurting as much as he thought it would and although he isnt over it, hes alot further along the healing process than i am - i dont know if coffee is a good idea since im worried ill just beg him to take me back again and push him further away.... as said i really dont want to lose him and i shouldnt be talking like this since i already have when you think about it

i just dont think im strong enough to do this

[spartacus]

I dont think you should go an meet him. Its not going to help the situation and it certainly wont help you, which is our main concern right now right? we have to get back your self-esteem, and somehow change the way he views the situation so HE'S doing the chasing not you.

Of course hes out with his friends, and of course they are trying to get hime to see someone else... its only natural. but that doesnt mean hes ready to see someone else does it?

you really need to stop thinking about getting back, and start thinking about you. the only way you can do that is to back off from him.... dont meet him etc. It will be extremely hard but you dont want to end up in my situation do you?

[buzz bee]

honestly no i dont... im prolly not hleping the situation, but if i back off hes not going to do the chasing (maybe that should be telling me something).. if i back off its most likely we will just lose contact.... and that will be that... maye its time i realsied he doesnt love me anymore.... not that it helps the way im feeling..... my prob is i seriously dont want anyone else, and now i sound like a spoilt child.

[spartacus]

no you dont sound spoilt at all. I dont want anyone else but my ex either. We were perfect together except for the fact I let her down.

It does occur to me that I'll never ever rekindle anything, not even friendship and that cuts through me like knife. she even told me directly in an email that there is no way she could have a relationship with me.

But what else can you do? I love her. I want her back. Im sure you feel the same, but truth is perhaps they dont feel the same about us? We jsut like to think they will.

[buzz bee]

and hes told me that he prolly will again, just not for a year or two.... hes told me that he doesnt love me but that hes still very angry at me... he tells me that he doesnt think there is any love in his heart for me at the moment but maybe time can change that.... then his brother tells me that he still cares for me but is trying to get over me - why?? if two ppl care for each other why cant they give it a go?? why does he feel he has to get over me instead of trying yet again.... im holding on to small things here, i dont think i can let go

[spartacus]

You sound in a bit of a state to me. Is that so? You sound upset.

my ex also told me that maybe in the future we could try again, but it Im beginning to realise it was maybe just a line. I dont know though. I want to believe she mean it. I also dont understand why if people care for each other that they cant give it ago.

you shouldnt read between the lines though. If he doesnt want to be with you right now, then that means he doesnt want to be with and you need to accept that and let him go no matter how hard that is, and I know it is really hard.

[buzz bee]

yeh i just think today is going to be a bad day.... its going to be hard not to call or msg him... i know he is prolly going out tonite which is playing in my mind and im expecting him to contact me about coffee today and ill get worse and worse thru the day cos he prolly wont contact me..... why does love turn to hate and uninterest so easily?

i just need to know what he is feeling and thinking.... if i still do have a chance or if i should just move on... i need him to stop playing games with me and i guess i need to start taking him at face value and take what he says literally... stop looking into things

if he doesnt call to organise coffee like we arranged then i guess i gotta start moving on, thats a very obvious sign that hes not interested.. does anyone else think its a bad idea to go for coffee? (not that i know if im going yet)

[buzz bee]

ok well ive written him a letter... am waiting to see if we go for coffee or not, if he doesnt contact me for coffee then ill drop the letter off to him tomorrow (put it in his letter box) - if he does contact me and we do decide to go for coffee, then ill decide whether or not to give him the letter based on how the coffee goes - its a letter telling him that this time apart has been good for me, that it hasnt changed the way i feel about him but it has allowed me to do some soul searching and realise my priorites where a little off kilter... it telling him that i still love him with all my heart and soul and want to make a relationship work if he does.... i know that im the dumpee so it doesnt mater what i want... its up to him....

i dont want to push him any further away, so wont talk about my feelings at coffee, but i dont want to lose him either, i guess at this stage everything is a bit of a gamble.....

[stonesnbones]

If this does go down, REALLY, REALLY MAKE SURE you dont talk about the past relationship. Because that will make him remeber the breakup. Keep in mind he may be trying to heal as well, so bringing it up will make him start over again. IF he really is deciding to come back in the future, constantly reminding him of why he broke up will only delay it.

Be as perky as you can, but also show him you care, but dont sound too eager. Trust me, with your current state of mind, meetings like this can easily be brought to arguements and anger so please be careful of what you say.

And good luck. I hope it turns out alot better than some of the meetings Ive had.

[buzz bee]

i hope it turns out ok too... it will kill me if it disolves into an arguement... i just want to talk to him like a normal person

[CowgirlFromHell]

I know exactly what you are going through, buzz bee. My ex and I broke up, because he found someone else while we were still dating. He told me that he would come back for me, we'll get married, I was the only girl he cared about. He said he did not want to be brought down by a woman, and no girl was going to be his "woman". He claims wanted to "play the field." I believed him, not because he was telling the truth, but because I held onto that hope that he would come back for me when he was done dating other girls. I really wanted to believe that he really did not want to be tied down. The truth is, he's not coming back. When he said "I don't want a girlfriend", he meant "I don't want you as a girlfriend." It took me a couple months to realize this, and still to this day I have a very faint glimmer of hope that he was telling the truth, but in all reality it's a crock. He just didn't want me to get upset, because I have quite the temper lol (As evidenced when I caught him cheating) He's moved on, is dating some girl now. It's not his "girlfriend". He sure does take her out alot, though, for being "just friends." Bottom line, I know this is hard, but you have to move on. I'm trying my hardest to move on, it's very difficult. Sometimes when I think about him, my eyes well up. I'll pass a place that we went together and I am reminded of him. It sucks, but everyday is a little better. The best way to heal is to stop contacting him for a while. Trust me, this really works. When we first broke up, I called him ALL the time, but I finally realized that it just makes for more pain. After the first of not calling him, it got easier, but then he would call and the cycle would start over. Your ex is going to call you during the N/C but you have to BE STRONG! Don't answer the phone if you have to. The more you keep him in your life at this time, the more it's going to hurt.

[stardust]

Cowgirl, thats good advice, painful but i guess true. My ex said all those things. uno that wed get married, he just dont want a girlfriend but your right he just didnt want me, adnt to be honest if these guys are too dum to see a great girl infront ofthem then they deserve all the rubbishthey get. No contact is the best way forward, when he txs i dotn even reply. because what will i gain from it? a cry? lol I think we all have to accept that even though they were the loves of our lives at the time we will move on and we will love again. I cant wait for that day! x

[buzz bee]

yep thats what i have to do now too, this weekend couldnt of gone any worse... its time to move on, painful as it may be.... he now basically doesnt even want to talk to me anymore.... dont think that no contact will get him contacting me somehow....

[buzz bee]

thanks to everyone for giving me support and advice on what to do... now its time to move on with my life... hes never going to come back to me, he prolly just about hates me these days and i have to stop torturing myself thinking that it will all get better when it obviously will not.... hes out drinking every nite and im at home mopeing around hopeing he will realise he still lvoes me... it isnt going to happen!!

thanks to thoes who have tried to help, this one is out of my hands and out of my control, there is nothing i can do to make him change his mind about me