Unhappy. All a Matter of Perspective? Or Do I Just Fail At Life?

[ChristianonLI]

I will not argue that I was lazy for many years but now that I wish to not be lazy all those options are gone. There are over 30 million unemployed people in America right now and what few jobs are available they are being fought over by everyone who needs a job. And these are bottomfeeder jobs! I've done extensive searching for a year and there are no real career-oriented jobs available to me, it's just that simple. The state of the economy is vastly different from when you were building your life, Sonrisa.

Two years ago I realized I had to really get my life in order and start shooting for something greater but when I began my efforts to do so I hit nothing but brick walls and failure. And then when I just couldn't magically succeed fast enough for my wife she left me for someone more successful. Is that really the life I'm forced to face and deal with? How is that fair or just?

[Sonrisa]

I will not argue that I was lazy for many years but now that I wish to not be lazy all those options are gone. There are over 30 million unemployed people in America right now and what few jobs are available they are being fought over by everyone who needs a job. And these are bottomfeeder jobs! I've done extensive searching for a year and there are no real career-oriented jobs available to me, it's just that simple. The state of the economy is vastly different from when you were building your life, Sonrisa.

Two years ago I realized I had to really get my life in order and start shooting for something greater but when I began my efforts to do so I hit nothing but brick walls and failure. And then when I just couldn't magically succeed fast enough for my wife she left me for someone more successful. Is that really the life I'm forced to face and deal with? How is that fair or just?

that's every lazy person's excuse.

[Sonrisa]

[url=http://longisland.craigslist.org/jjj/]long island all jobs classifieds - craigslist[/url]

[ChristianonLI]

Yes, I did the Craigslist thing for many months. I went to dozens of interviews for all sorts of jobs, many of which I was just wholly unqualified for but took the chance anyway. And surprise! I got none of them.

Of course, I expect we'll just be going back and forth on this for hours anyway if we both keep replying to each other, Sonrisa, so I yield to you. I'm lazy and I will never be able to offer the sort of comfortable, fulfilled lifestyle that all the best women want. I concede defeat and shall diligently cling to the first fat and ugly person I find because if they're smart they'll be just as desperate and know they cannot do any better than me. I guess then at least I won't be alone.

[Sonrisa]

could it be a personality issue? could that be turning potential employers off? how confident are you?

[ChristianonLI]

Truthfully, I'm a mess. Especially since my wife left. At least when I was with her I felt some measure of confidence out in the real world because of what I believed to be her genuine love for me. Outside of my work I have no confidence whatsoever.

I've been working in 7-Elevens for 11 years now. I spent 10 years working for a guy who, as it turns out, was feeding me a delicious line of bullshit for about six years telling me that I was being groomed for management of his next store. What I didn't know was that he was secretly distancing himself from the business altogether and never had any intention of ever buying another store. He was just feeding me the bullshit to keep me working hard.

So far I'm hearing the same lines from my new bosses, two brothers who have just bought their first store and are working on getting their second. They are new to the business and have been nothing but grateful to the experience and skill I have brought them, from training new employees to handling inventory, merchandising and just generally being able to deal with any issue that arises that would otherwise handcuff them. Sadly, in spite of this value which I have to them, what they pay me is already pretty high end for the business and I won't be making much more per month unless I am officially promoted to management. It should be noted that every store manager I've ever known, regardless of who their franchisee is, does well enough to survive on Long Island.

I'm giving them at least a year or two to see if they come through with their promises and so far they seem genuine and honest. But again, I know the business. A guy doesn't just up and say "I want to own a 7-Eleven" and a month later he's walking into his new store. It takes months and months of red tape, negotiating for property, getting loans and a hundred other things I don't have the time to list.

But ultimately, to further clarify an answer to your question, I have no confidence. But I'm still a good person and those of you who feel I deserved to have my wife leave me for a more successful man should really take a moment to reflect upon yourself and the ugliness within you that drives you to say such terrible things. She's out there enjoying her life, bragging about how wonderful her new boyfriend is. And here I sit, wondering WTF went wrong with my life, having no clue how to fix it and feeling absolutely miserable every minute of every day. As horrible a person as she is and as good a person as I believe myself to be, she still wins and I still lose. So again, I ask you all.

Pills? Pistol? Carbon monoxide?

[Sonrisa]

i am sorry? another year or two? getting paid 20k a year? are you serious?

[ChristianonLI]

That's all there is around here. There are no entry level, no experience required jobs that pay more than 20-25k. I've given them 9 months and at best in six months more they will finally be moving into that second store and a promotion to management would at least bump me up to $40,000 a year which is barely livable but something I could genuinely work with. That's just the way it is around here, unfortunately.

[Sonrisa]

have you ever considered working in a different field?

[ChristianonLI]

I have given it a lot of thought but that's where the lack of confidence has always set in. Outside of retail I am clueless but I firmly believe a successful career can be had in retail. It's just a matter of actually getting there.

[Sonrisa]

retail.....sales....insurance agent? that's how i started my "career"

[ChristianonLI]

I appreciate the legitimate attempts to present me with a tangible direction, Sonrisa. In regards to selling insurance, I don't know, that sort of business scares me and I've heard nothing but horror stories from people who have personally experienced it. I don't handle pressure well. Or even at all.

[Sonrisa]

gosh, what do you handle well

[ChristianonLI]

Nothing really, anymore. I hold up well enough when at work and in public but it's mostly just a well-crafted ruse and most anyone would have no idea I'm such a mental mess. I just haven't felt the same since the end of my marriage. In spite of the declaration I made in a previous thread that I was over that horrible woman who ruined me, I'm still not over the damage she caused and most days I would much rather prefer to quit my job, lock myself up in my apartment and keep myself fed with just enough xanax to keep me asleep in hopes that when I eventually wake up a few years from now things will have changed. Fortunate enough for me my landlords, who are my parents, wouldn't kick me out.

[Sonrisa]

do you have any friends at all?