Unrequited Love

[Mister Gumby]

Fruitsss,

It's difficult to decipher what you're saying. But it seems like you're attributing things to me I didn't say. Never did I say I was trying to cheat on my wife. I said I fell in love with someone else who doesn't love me, and that I realized I had never really been in love before. That's pretty much all there was to it.

What's weird about sending funny pictures? We both enjoyed them, so I'm not sure why you think that's not an "adult" thing to do. No one ever sends you links to funny pictures or web sites?

[IndiReloaded]

Gumby - Did you also see the Sticky "Stages of Marriage"? You might find that one a bit better than the Shining Knight one. Print it and give it to your wife as a discussion point.

[smackie9]

You are in this situation because you let your life and marriage get stale which leads to an emotional disconnect. Think outside the box. Get into new activities that you yourself and some you can do with your wife. Take up hiking, go skiing, take dance lessons ( going out for dinner and dancing is a great date night), plan weekend trips where you have never been before (make sure you plan an itinerary)...there is so much you can do.

[IndiReloaded]

Smackie, done any skiing yet? Its been an amazing year so far.

[smackie9]

I don't ski I am a gamer lol. I bet it is.

[monty23]

I think this is really sad...I mean, it's amazing to feel in love, but for it to be unrequited is so, so hard. The fact you called your thread "unrequited love" means you are aware she doesn't feel the same way...but you just always hope she does.

Your love for her is real, I understand, but at the same time, it's based all on one side. Yes, she's opened up to you and shared deep things with you. And yes, she's had fun with you, as a person and as a friend. But...you know what I'm gonna say here I think. If she loved you, you would KNOW. She would be with you. She would have made it clear how she felt for you. And she has not done that. So...she doesn't love you. I'm sorry for that. The feelings you have developed for her have been growing based on your own singular perceptions, not a mutual thing. You know what I mean?

This is kind of how crushes happen. You meet someone you don't know much about, you feel a spark...they might share something with you that makes you feel protective, attracted, desired, whatever...and then for a while nothing more happens in terms of a mutual expression of feelings. And this is the crush period. You might Google them, online stalk them to find out more stuff you long to know that they're not ready to share with you directly. Once you DO get into a relationship with them (IF you do), you stop doing those crush-type activities because you simply don't need to anymore, as they are there with you, telling you and giving you all that you need. But if you don't get into a relationship with them, the crush feelings tend to continue for a while, one sided. Does that make sense?

This is what's happening here. If she does happen to leave your workplace and you never see her again...what does this tell you? If she felt strongly for you she wouldn't LET you never see her again, would she?

It's hard. The age gap is unimportant. It's simply that she's just not feeling the same way you are. I have learned (the hard way), that you cannot make someone feel something for you. And that nobody can control their own feelings.

She cannot help how she doesn't feel about you any more than you can help how you no longer feel about your wife.

I wish you luck...

[Mister Gumby]

Thanks Monty,

I know she doesn't love me, and probably never will. I'm just trying to come to terms with my feelings and how I can cope.

[monty23]

Ok. I'm glad you do realise that.

Your feelings...I think would be assisted if you could either fall in love (somehow) with your wife, or find someone else to fall in love with who would feel the same way.

I know this sounds terrible advice, like I'm saying "Yeah, go ahead and look for someone to cheat on your wife with!" but...sometimes you just need what you don't have available in your life's current state, you know?

I WAS in love with my long term real life partner. We've been together for 11.5 years now and until about 5 years ago I thought I'd always be in love with her completely. I didn't even realise my feelings had changed for quite some time...then I met my online "husband" and fell in love. I recognised the feelings from when I fell for my real life partner. (we met online too).

Now my "husband" seems to have left me, my love is unrequited also. It sucks. At least I know he DID love me (and possibly still does), but...now I feel like my love is not welcomed by him anymore. It is a very alien feeling. A very alone feeling.

In terms of your situation...

1. Stay with your wife if things are fairly comfortable between you, and just kind of...settle (this may be too hard for you now you've had a "taste" of falling in love)
2. Stay with your wife but seek out people to fall in love with who will fall in love with you too (this is the least disruptive compromise I'd say, but it may result in major guilt and risk to your life's stability)
3. Leave your wife and wait to find someone new (it will happen, believe me)

Keep in mind though that your realisation that you had never been in love before this girl at your work, that does mean something and it is valid, BUT...just be careful. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn't mean a relationship will work out with them. You already know it doesn't automatically mean they will feel the same for you. So...it can be a bit of a minefield, to say the least.

The good thing is though - that you now know how it feels to fall in love. To have those feelings. The hardest thing for you now is deciding what to do about them.

[chenderson325]

I'd like to think that by the time someone is 50, he can be trusted to know whether he is in love or not I know what you mean. What I felt when I met my husband, and still feel, is like nothing else. And I had had many relationships before.

I don't know how to deal with unrequited love. Write epic poetry, maybe. When I have had it in the past, though, I've just tried to focus on the simple joy of loving that person and being in their presence when I got the chance.

But part of me says maybe you shouldn't let it go that easy.

[Wakeup]

What I felt when I met my husband, and still feel, is like nothing else.

Yes I can understand when you are giving and receiving loving actions. I just find it hard to understand when only one of you is experiencing those feelings for it to be "love" Paticularily when you don't spend any quality time with that person you have these feelings for.

To each their own.

[IndiReloaded]

I'd like to think that by the time someone is 50, he can be trusted to know whether he is in love or not I know what you mean. What I felt when I met my husband, and still feel, is like nothing else. And I had had many relationships before.

I don't know how to deal with unrequited love. Write epic poetry, maybe.

LOL, worked for Byron and Yates.

Here you go Gumby. Read this, absorb the mental dagger and then... realize "I should be giving this to my wife".

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172055