Men, lets see if you can help me understand more, re: porn

[AzAlwaya]

Reading through the thread has indeed given me a few moments of the giggles. For that I am thankful.

[AzAlwaya]

She said he was on dating websites and had is status listed as divorced...don't know that is cheating...I mean I guess it is kinda...if he never met anybody though then I don't think it is...he just put himself in a position to cheat.

In the position to cheat.....................meh, perhaps for some one younger, or even older as I am, that is an okay position for your husband to put himself in. Not this old lady. I am not going to wait around until he puts himself in a position I end up walking in on. Or one of our children walk in on.

He should feel ashamed of himself when he thinks of his daughters.

[lahnnabell]

My father did the same thing to my family. My mother gave him one warning and then began to keep tabs on him. 6 months later she told me she was divorcing him and I told her I thought that was best. He would have taken us all the way down with him if we let him. My father is now at rock bottom trying to fix his life.

[AzAlwaya]

My father did the same thing to my family. My mother gave him one warning and then began to keep tabs on him. 6 months later she told me she was divorcing him and I told her I thought that was best. He would have taken us all the way down with him if we let him. My father is now at rock bottom trying to fix his life.

I am sorry to hear this.

I love my husband and I probably always will. But I find his lack of character to be some thing I can no longer live with. My heart is indeed quite sad.

You are in San Diego? Ahhhhh, my home town. I have not been home in quite a few years. There are times I find myself missing SD.

[Zero Profit]

I am a firm believer in a man should be allowed to watch porn

Not ejaculating for several weeks just doesn't feel good...

and it takes too damn long without porn

[davidtorres]

get over it. all man watch porn. thats better than cheating. also, i will never marry a girl that wont let me watch porn. F THAT!

[AzAlwaya]

Ahhhhh, the typical responses. What character you 'men' have.

[dono01]

I don't watch porn, and I am a married man.

[Gribble]

He lied to you because you clearly have an unreasonable stance in regards to something that is, quite honestly, none of your business. Better that he spends energy watching porn than traipsing about with a girlfriend or a prostitute.

[AzAlwaya]

I don't watch porn, and I am a married man.

If you don't mind my asking, is that because you truly just don't want to or is this because of an agreement between you and your wife?

[AzAlwaya]

He lied to you because you clearly have an unreasonable stance in regards to something that is, quite honestly, none of your business. Better that he spends energy watching porn than traipsing about with a girlfriend or a prostitute.

Ah yes, my stance is unreasonable. Of course it is. Being told by my husband that he was not in to porn, believing him and then learning.....years later....the he lied makes me the unreasonable one. Hmmmm, is that what I should tell our older daughters? That their feelings about what they have found are unreasonable? I should teach them to mind their own business where their husband's are concerned? That all men are the same? That my goodness, it is better to watch porn than be out ****ing some one other than their wife? Wow. I did not realize that men have to be given this 'choice'. That they cannot be a decent human being without this choice.

Now that I know that men must be allowed their precious porn, otherwise they will indeed 'cheat' on their wives solidifies my stance. Thank you for your insightful input.

[lahnnabell]

It's no longer about the porn, it is about the lying. He also acted carelessly by leaving those materials lying around for children to find. Unacceptable in my opinion. This was how I discovered my father was engaging in online sexual activities on our family computer. I was doing homework one night and he had left his chat window open and some woman messaged him. I told her that it was his daughter using the computer, believing it to be a perfectly innocent contact at first. Then she began to ask me sexual questions. I was 17 at the time. I stopped everything I was doing and printed the conversation and told my mother two days later.

[VincenzoG91]

AzAlwaya, he probably prefers porn to the affections of a cold, judgmental shrew. You probably feel quite superior to people who enjoy porn, but you come across here as kind of a jerk. Cheating is wrong, but for men, masturbation is practically a basic bodily function.

[vashti]

Ah yes, my stance is unreasonable. Of course it is. Being told by my husband that he was not in to porn, believing him and then learning.....years later....the he lied makes me the unreasonable one. Hmmmm, is that what I should tell our older daughters? That their feelings about what they have found are unreasonable? I should teach them to mind their own business where their husband's are concerned? That all men are the same? That my goodness, it is better to watch porn than be out ****ing some one other than their wife? Wow. I did not realize that men have to be given this 'choice'. That they cannot be a decent human being without this choice.

Now that I know that men must be allowed their precious porn, otherwise they will indeed 'cheat' on their wives solidifies my stance. Thank you for your insightful input.

I think your stance towards porn is extremely idealistic and unrealistic, but your concerns about him contacting other women are appropriate. And honestly, the thing that would make me the most angry is that he was dumb enough to be caught by a child. With the porn, I could look the other way. (In fact, I have overlooked worse.) His indiscretion makes it impossible to overlook. And that he lied about not being interested in porn? eh... what can you expect? He fell in love with someone who disapproved strongly. I am not surprised he lied about it.

[Incognito]

Ah yes, my stance is unreasonable. Of course it is. Being told by my husband that he was not in to porn, believing him and then learning.....years later....the he lied makes me the unreasonable one. Hmmmm, is that what I should tell our older daughters? That their feelings about what they have found are unreasonable? I should teach them to mind their own business where their husband's are concerned? That all men are the same? That my goodness, it is better to watch porn than be out ****ing some one other than their wife? Wow. I did not realize that men have to be given this 'choice'. That they cannot be a decent human being without this choice.

Now that I know that men must be allowed their precious porn, otherwise they will indeed 'cheat' on their wives solidifies my stance. Thank you for your insightful input.

It was totally wrong for him to lie about the porn so long ago. However, there are a few unanswered questions here.
1. Do you even know why he watches porn?
2. Did you two have an active sex life in which HE felt fulfilled?
3. Do you have a healthy sex drive? What do you think is a good frequency to have sex?

If he watches porn because he has a healthy sex drive and you don't then you are partly to blame here. If you don't want to have sex, but condemn masturbating to porn you are being unreasonable. If he watches porn because it is an addiction (not because you are sexually depriving him), then it is a bigger problem that should be addressed by a professional. As far as the dating sites and possible cheating, the same applies. I don't know what you did/didn't do or could have done to prevent that, but if you were sexually depriving him what did you expect to happen?