My Bf Is Into Asian Chicks

[sookie6]

I think you should chill out. The Asian looks are quite opposite to the British looks. What is very different from us is exotic to us and therefore very attractive.

[rubyinthewild]

I don't get a lot of people posting here.... Isn't it logical to assume guys want their gfs to be hot? To be someone they're attracted to? And yeah, he might need an emotional connection.... But if me and her are equal in terms of emotional connection, why WOULDN'T he go for the hotter one who he's actually into?

What kills me is that before I found this out, I never thought my bf WAS into Asians... He always made fun and rolled his eyes at all the other nerds who drooled over the Chinese and Japanese exchange students in college, and told me I was completely his type and he was way into me. He even said in an email he sent me a few weeks ago, how he saw guys coming over to teach English JUST to get with Asian girls and how pathetic he thought it was! And it turns out he's into the same thing!!! It's not a lie, but it's close enough to make me feel like what ELSE is he hiding?

[Ric]

Get over yourself. Almost nobody ends up with their type. That doesn't mean he thinks you ugly and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you and certainly doesn't mean he will beak up with you if some asian chick comes along.

[VincenzoG91]

Let me ask you this:
Do you think most men are into Megan Fox (insert beautiful actress of choice)?

Your answer should be Yes.

My reply: so do you think all men will only settle for a Megan Fox look alike?

Answer: NO. Duh! Yeah, they like her, she's hot... but that's about it. If you're going to live your life saying well my bf thinks Megan is hot, I should dump him because I look like __________ you will NEVER find a man. That is precisely why you're *very* insecure. Wrap your head around this: there will always be someone better looking than you. (in your case: more asian)

That analogy isn't very good. What if 1/3 of the population of the planet looked sort of like Megan Fox?

For several years, I went through a phase where I was specifically attracted to Asian women. I wasn't interested in the stereotypical personality, just the look. The silky dark hair, the exotic features, the petite physique, blah blah blah. During those years, I only dated Asian women. I was vaguely aware that there were attractive women who weren't Asian, and that some of the Asian women that I found attractive were just average in appearance otherwise. I didn't get this obsession out of my system until after a couple of long-term relationships with Asian women. And one of those relationships was incredibly toxic, because she was a meth addict and a thief.

After that, I moved on to dating women in general. I lost the whole concept of being attracted to a specific type. Today, I don't even feel any particular attraction to most Asian women, although I do make exceptions for the really pretty ones. I just don't automatically rate them higher than any other women.

I think that the OP has a valid concern. If her guy has a type, and she isn't that type, than the relationship may be unstable. He might readily cheat on her and/or break up with her if he has a shot at his type. All she can reasonably do about it is keep an eye on how the relationship is going and get ready to bail, or maybe just break things off now and move on.

For what it's worth, I'm meeting up with some friends at a club tonight, and one of those friends had a lengthy obsession with Asian women, even worse than mine. He even spent two years teaching English in Japan, just so he could hook up with Japanese women. Now he's back in the U.S. and has a tall, white, goth girlfriend, and it seems serious. After he's had a few drinks, I will take him aside and ask him about his obsession. I suspect that he got burned out on Asian women during his second year in Japan and doesn't have a type anymore.

[girl68]

What if 1/3 of the population of the planet looked sort of like Megan Fox?

Umm Yeah.. What if 1/3 looked like MF? That's laughable.

[Yet another guy]

@Vincenzo
OP only said that her boyfriend is into Asians. That means he prefers Asians, doesn't it (finds them prettier or whatever). You are talking about obsession. There's a huge difference.
So assuming he has no obsession - and there's no reason to do otherwise - girl68's analogy is spot on (except I don't see what's so hot about Megan Fox).

@rubyinthewild
As other have said, you have nothing to worry about except your own insecurity. Guys don't dump their girls when they see a prettier one. Assuming that the relationship is solid they won't dump their girls even when a prettier one "throws herself at him" - which is actually something that doesn't really happen in real life.

[VincenzoG91]

Umm Yeah.. What if 1/3 looked like MF? That's laughable.

You're still missing the point. About 1/3 of the human race is Asian, and to a guy who is obsessed with Asian women, that's an awful lot of Megan Foxes out there.

I expect that you've encountered some guys who were specifically into Asian women. Did it ever creep you out that they were into your look but not really interested in you as a person?

[VincenzoG91]

@Vincenzo
OP only said that her boyfriend is into Asians. That means he prefers Asians, doesn't it (finds them prettier or whatever). You are talking about obsession. There's a huge difference.
So assuming he has no obsession - and there's no reason to do otherwise - girl68's analogy is spot on (except I don't see what's so hot about Megan Fox).

Preference or obsession, it's a matter of degree. And Asian is just one example. Some guys are focused on redheads, or blondes, or women with big breasts. All other things being equal, they will choose their preferred type. Now, maybe the OP's boyfriend just has a harmless attraction to Asian women. Or maybe he is really obsessed with them, and will dump her the first time he gets a shot at dating an Asian woman. We don't know, but it's something that should be a concern for the OP.

I agree with you about Megan Fox, I don't find her that hot either. But Megan Fox is a unique individual, so anybody attracted to her has a pretty poor chance of hooking up with her, especially now that she is married. But Asian women are nowhere near as unique, and are in fact extremely common in certain places. So to dismiss the OP's concern as far-fetched is silly when there are possibly 1 billion Asian women on the planet, as opposed to just 1 Megan Fox.

[girl68]

You're still missing the point. About 1/3 of the human race is Asian, and to a guy who is obsessed with Asian women, that's an awful lot of Megan Foxes out there.

I expect that you've encountered some guys who were specifically into Asian women. Did it ever creep you out that they were into your look but not really interested in you as a person?

The thing about a "preference" and an obsession is that those "obsessed" ONLY date asians (or fill-in-the-blank preference). I have a "preference" for asian men myself. Does that mean I refuse to date any man who isn't asian? NO. I have dated white boys, would date black dude, and have plently of times been into brown dudes. My preference for asian in no way means that I would never ever date anything else. And if I DID date someone other than asian and fell head over heels in love with this non-asian man not even the finest of all asian men would sway me to leave. I'd only be leaving my non-asian for an asian if the relationship wasn't what it was cracked up to be NOT because he was asian and my guy wasn't.

I don't even listen to the idiots who "only date asians" so no they don't creep me out.

[VincenzoG91]

The thing about a "preference" and an obsession is that those "obsessed" ONLY date asians (or fill-in-the-blank preference). I have a "preference" for asian men myself. Does that mean I refuse to date any man who isn't asian? NO. I have dated white boys, would date black dude, and have plently of times been into brown dudes. My preference for asian in no way means that I would never ever date anything else. And if I DID date someone other than asian and fell head over heels in love with this non-asian man not even the finest of all asian men would sway me to leave. I'd only be leaving my non-asian for an asian if the relationship wasn't what it was cracked up to be NOT because he was asian and my guy wasn't.

I don't even listen to the idiots who "only date asians" so no they don't creep me out.

Your response makes sense to me. I can't argue with any of it. But that's all about you and your mindset. How can you be so certain that the OP's boyfriend thinks exactly the way you do about this subject?

[Yet another guy]

@Vincenzo
So, you are saying that she should be worried because her boyfriend prefers Asians. Because he might be obsessed.
You also say that Asian is just one example of a feature that one may have preference on. I agree with that, ethnicity is not a special case.
So, should - in your opinion - one be always worried if they don't match their partners preference exactly? Just because their partner might be obsessed about that feature. If not, what makes this case special?

That would be silly. Since it is extremely unlikely that anyone has a partner that is exactly like they prefer, pretty much everone would have to be worried that they will get dumped.
Also, you base your argument on that there are 1 billion Asian women on the planet. But as you said above that "All other things being equal". So if OP were worried - though she shouldn't - she would only have to be worried about the fraction of Asian women that are equally attractive by all other measures. And since she is his girlfriend, I think it would not be crazy to assume that he finds her quite attractive. A fraction of a billion is probably still quite a lot women that he might find more attractive but that number wouldn't be significantly less without the Asian preference. And as I said, guys don't dump their girlfriends just because someone else is more attractive. If that happens there was something else wrong with the relationship in the first place.

You also said that when you were obsessed you only dated Asian women. That is clearly not the case here.

@rubyinthewild
This gave me an idea that might help you. Maybe you should put yourself into his position. Is there a feature in your boyfriend that is not your preference? If not, I would say you are extremely lucky and should try the lottery
I don't ofcourse know about your preferences or your boyfriend but I can give an example. I chose height but please replace the feature with one that would apply to your case.
Let's assume that you prefer tall guys. Let's also assume that your boyfriend is short.
Would you dump him if you had a chance to be with a tall guy? I really hope not.
Would it be fair if he dumped you because he assumed that you would dump him if you found a taller guy. I wouldn't think so.
What should he do? Well, I believe that what he shouldn't do is worry about it and feed his own insecurities. Just like you shouldn't.

[girl68]

How can you be so certain that the OP's boyfriend thinks exactly the way you do about this subject?

I cannot be sure. My point was simply at some point you have to accept and *trust* in the love you have. And if you cannot trust the love you have and the emotional bond you 2 share then you're insecure AND you don't trust your partner.

IF the OP's guy truely loves her (for her to decide) she either has to believe that the love they have is MORE important that him digging asians. At which point she needs to trust that he loves her enough to stay with her despite her obviously not being asain. If she cannot trust him then yes, she needs to leave.

She just refuses to believe that she's insecure, but she is 100% insecure as she doesn't think his love for her is better than his preference for asians.

[vashti]

I don't get the Asian chick thing, but I love my Asian friends at work. They talk about giving their size 4 "fat pants" to each other when they reach size 2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, who is Megan Fox, and what is she known for? (I should get out more often.)

[girl68]

Anyway, who is Megan Fox, and what is she known for? (I should get out more often.)

I dunno, she's pretty... think transformers and daisy duke mini shorts. She's slim, and tanned... tons of guys oogle over her.

[vashti]

Transformers? Isn't that a movie for little kids? (No wonder I don't know who she is.)