My bf spends too much money on me!

[Wakeup]

She's not picky. She's just losing attraction for him because she doesn't have to put in any effort for his "gifts" and sub-consciously she is finding fault with him until eventually she realizes consciously that she's not attracted to him nor does she appreciate that he tries to buy her affections.

Most women like the feeling of being valued and rewarded and we all appreciate things more that we had to work for and earn. He takes away all the fun the excitement of the journey and just presents her with the finish line.

[Mathias]

She's not picky. She's just losing attraction for him because she doesn't have to put in any effort for his "gifts" and sub-consciously she is finding fault with him until eventually she realizes consciously that she's not attracted to him nor does she appreciate that he tries to buy her affections.

Most women like the feeling of being valued and rewarded and we all appreciate things more that we had to work for and earn. He takes away all the fun the excitement of the journey and just presents her with the finish line.

That's perfectly fine. She seemed to be fixated on the money issue of it, and how she's worried he doesn't have savings. That's the part that's his choice.

If she doesn't feel valued, or doesn't like the fact the chase isn't there, it's perfectly fine to get away. Criticizing him for spending money isn't the answer, though.

[Wakeup]

I suspect she didn't even realize she was criticizing. Afterall its just her personal observaion(s) about the man and what she's learned thus far. Besides, if she (by a small chance) should actually form a committed, long term relationship with this man then his saving habits are very important in the scheme of them being able to build a life together while pooling their resources to buy property, afford expenses, build a nest egg for retirement etc. So you see, it is a very important thing for a woman and a man to be concerned about and to wonder about and to be critical about.

Yes, she can leave him but at this point she's just weighing the pros and the (many) cons to this man in her estimation and has yet to make up her mind.

[bulrush]

with the exception of wakeup, every other woman in this thread has advised you to continue to take advantage of his generosity. If you WANTED to chip in, you would, It's that simple. If this is actually bothering you, you'd talk to him about how him paying for EVERYTHING effects YOU. Stand your ground on this issue just like you would any other issue in the relationship. Refuse to let him pay for everything, surprise him with gifts, beat him to the punch for the ticket at dinner.

I agree with Incognito. If you wanted to pay for dinner, you would find a way to get it done. I'm glad you are trying to carry your own weight, but you need to try harder. You need to get a pair of "gurl balls" and just do it.

Pretty typical responses from unliberated Western women here: "Let the guy pay, paying is hard."

I also think you should be wary of him "owning" you. Men know women go "gaga" over money, because to most Western women, money=love. Talk to him. If that doesn't solve the issue, find another guy. This one sounds like a macho creeper.

[vashti]

Pretty typical responses from unliberated Western women here: "Let the guy pay, paying is hard."

Men know women go "gaga" over money, because to most Western women, money=love.

Where do you learn such nonsense?

[Sonrisa]

WTF is "unliberated Western women"?

[lahnnabell]

Unliberated Western women = women that don't agree with him. Apparently.

[Wakeup]

It doesn't mean that at all. It means that western women have a world-wide reputation as being takers and entitlement princesses. Unfortunately this thread verifies that rumour.

The Op has clearly stated that she does not like this man giving, giving, giving and just about everyone of the women who replied told her to just take what he offers and pay him back by making him dinner. Men these days know how to cook, they don't need a woman to make them dinner so that "reward" has losts it's value.

In this day and age of women being able to take courses and earn degrees that only men were allowed to earn and when women make just as much or more than men then the definition of what makes a "gentleman" when it comes to paying for everything no longer applies.

Equality means equal. Not equal in somethings but reverting back to the way things were when it suits us.

JMO. Whether I'm the enemy now or not *shrugs*

If she were happy with the situation that would be one thing but to basically tell her just to suck it up buttercup and take what he gives is quite another.

[Poodle3]

Whats wrong with letting the bloke pay for the meal? it's only money. Buy him a present if you are that worried. I always pay for meals, I don't expect anything for it. It makes me feel embarrassed if a lady feels she has to pay. If I can't afford it I will ask, or take her somewhere cheap. Would you feel that you owed a man something if he held a door open for you, or helped you out of a car? It's just good manners. If he bought you a car or something I would say that is a bit much.

[vashti]

It doesn't mean that at all. It means that western women have a world-wide reputation as being takers and entitlement princesses. Unfortunately this thread verifies that rumour.

The Op has clearly stated that she does not like this man giving, giving, giving and just about everyone of the women who replied told her to just take what he offers and pay him back by making him dinner. Men these days know how to cook, they don't need a woman to make them dinner so that "reward" has losts it's value.

In this day and age of women being able to take courses and earn degrees that only men were allowed to earn and when women make just as much or more than men then the definition of what makes a "gentleman" when it comes to paying for everything no longer applies.

Equality means equal. Not equal in somethings but reverting back to the way things were when it suits us.

JMO. Whether I'm the enemy now or not *shrugs*

If she were happy with the situation that would be one thing but to basically tell her just to suck it up buttercup and take what he gives is quite another.

Can you not comprehend what she said? This guy WANTS to pay for her. This has nothing at all to do with whether or not she expects anything at all. Are you really so rigid that no one else's feelings matter?

[Wakeup]

Can you not comprehend what she said? This guy WANTS to pay for her. This has nothing at all to do with whether or not she expects anything at all. Are you really so rigid that no one else's feelings matter?

Did you not read that she DOESN'T want him to pay for her all the time? Yet you all insist that she let him? Talk about rigid.

Men who WANT TO PAY ALL THE TIME are pushy and they are the rigid ones. Then when the girl loses interest in him he calls her a gold digger and a taker. It's a vicious circle

Whats wrong with letting the bloke pay for the meal? it's only money. Buy him a present if you are that worried. I always pay for meals, I don't expect anything for it. It makes me feel embarrassed if a lady feels she has to pay. If I can't afford it I will ask, or take her somewhere cheap. Would you feel that you owed a man something if he held a door open for you, or helped you out of a car? It's just good manners. If he bought you a car or something I would say that is a bit much.

There is nothing wrong with letting the bloke pay for a meal.. Just like there is nothing wrong with letting her reciprocate once and a while. Again. Talk about pushy and rigid.

[vashti]

Did you not read that she DOESN'T want him to pay for her all the time? Yet you all insist that she let him? Talk about rigid.

Men who WANT TO PAY ALL THE TIME are pushy and they are the rigid ones. Then when the girl loses interest in him he calls her a gold digger and a taker. It's a vicious circle

There is nothing wrong with letting the bloke pay for a meal.. Just like there is nothing wrong with letting her reciprocate once and a while. Again. Talk about pushy and rigid.

You clearly have reading comprehension problems. To allow him to pay when he wants is only half the picture. She needs to reciprocate in another way. That way, they will BOTH be happy. This is about compromise, not a lack of equality.

And for the record, I have always dated men who want to pay for dates, and never once have I been called a gold digger. I don't need their money, and they know it. And I never feel guilty about it.

Some of you young people are entirely too money-focused and worried about pseudo "equality" when there are other more important things to worry about.

[Sonrisa]

men who don't pay are pussies. and wakeup is one giant cunt.

[sadie_genie]

men who don't pay are pussies. and wakeup is one giant cunt.

LOL. Thumbs up.

[chica]

Well it's not only the paying for the date, but the fact that he bought me birthday presents that were so elaborate so soon after dating him.

I feel as if I don't really know this guy well enough to let him do that. Because if something were to happen between us and we broke up, I would feel like a gold-digger and I'm sure he would see me that way as well. I think that bigger gifts like that aren't really appropriate until you're really serious with someone. If we broke up, I wouldn't want him to think that I used him for his money.

And I've always made people home-made cards and things like that so I'm not really used to all this....

Also, talking about the whole "Western Women" thing...that actually might make sense from his perspective because he is from another country. (However, I hope he really doesn't see western women as being that materialistic!). He said that in his country, women have much higher standards for men and that it is expected for the man to always pay. So maybe that is just what he is used to.