A Year - Can I Get Him Back?

[Wakeup]

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION]
They didn't have a bad break up, or a cheater involved so they can move on, unlike say, me and my situation( we won't ever be friends)I did say when it comes to dating him again, don't but friends if they can work it out, is possible. It is never settling if you want that as well.
Hope it works out in whichever way.

She wants to know if she can "get him back" which is clear indication that she wants more then just friends and more likely then not will always want more then that so there is no point going through her life, stagnating herself from being open enough in heart and mind to really connect emotionally to someone new. Not to mention that more times then not, any new man in her life WILL NOT take kindly to her still frantanizing with someone she once had a sexual or a romantic relationship with. Why SETTLE to be demoted. Whether or not she "wants" to be just a friend is neither her nor there when you dissect it down to the nitty gritty and what usually ends up happening when you settle to be demoted.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Okay, first thing I want to say, just to make sure everyone is clear, is that he is currently out of the country. We are going to talk when he returns. I feel like this is something I should talk to him about face to face. I know that he is the type of person who can avoid his problems until HE feels ready to face them so I'm worried that if I just text him that I know everything he's not going to respond. If I am telling him I know everything than I want to actually talk it out.


[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
I think it may have been because I would quote someone, than copy the HTML to a word document and write it all out there (so I could quote everyone - I don't know how to multi quote here ), after that I would try to copying and paste it here. Maybe the forum was flagging it as non-human because it wasn't typed?

At this point I think I have kind of gotten used to him going silent. Whenever we are talking I'm always anticipating it. It hurts a little, but not as much as you would expect, probably because I have been through it so many times with him. As far as how I react, it varies. I will explain.

The first time it happened I would text him every now and then something along the lines of "Hope you're alright and that schools going good." he would never respond. Finally I sent him one that was almost exactly the same, the only difference was that I added "If I did anything wrong, I would really like to know" to the end and he text back immediately apologizing and saying that it was wrong of him to ignore me like that, but I hadn't done anything wrong and he didn't want me to ever think that. He still wasn't ready to talk yet though. A week later he messaged me again wanting to get together and catch up.

The second time, I didn't try texting him at all. One day he sent me a text just saying "Hey, How have you been" and I ignored it. He went through my facebook and liked a ton of pictures and eventually commented on one saying "You look great" I didn't like or respond to his comment either. Two weeks pass and I get another random text from him saying "I miss the way things used to be (insert list of all the things we did as a couple) You know, when everything was simpler, when we used to be great friends" (None of the thing he listed we did as friends though, only bf/gf) I still didn't respond. Within hours he had messaged me on facebook as well, AND posted a status saying "Things used to be simple" (he hadn't used facebook since we had broken up) he was getting visibly desperate and I was going to continue no contact but my mom advised me not to go to long and make him give up all together so a few days later I replied "Hey, sorry I've been busy how have you been?"

The third time (this time) I didn't say anything either, there was one night I sent him a text and tried calling him when he had first deleted his facebook but I couldn't get through. A few months later he posted a status on a different social networking site saying "I still want to be friends" I didn't notice the status until a few days after he posted it, but when I checked it out he had commented on it saying "You know who you are. you can ext me if you want" I decided to post my own status to see what he would do and wrote "I wish you words were meant for me" he imediatly posted a status saying "My last post was about you ____" he kept pushing me to text him and I thought about it all day. finally that night I text him.

[Wakeup]

Its sad and completely funny at the same time how you justify his piss poor behaviour of you.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Its sad and completely funny at the same time how you justify his piss poor behaviour of you.

What did I justify though?

For the record, for anyone who isn't aware, if you read my first couple of posts you will notice that the title, and wanting to know if I could "get him back" was BEFORE I learnt about the lies, new gf, and the cheating. that's why I'm the one who ignored HIS text afterwards.

[anya_may21]

Good, forum is working better for you now, Xox-Zip-xoX.

I read you said you cannot talk with him 1 on 1 because he is out of your country, so I agree don't text or VM him, wait until home and make it a in-person talk.

Do you no longer want to get him back but just maintain a friendship?

Best of Luck.

[breathe123]

Okay, first thing I want to say, just to make sure everyone is clear, is that he is currently out of the country. We are going to talk when he returns. I feel like this is something I should talk to him about face to face. I know that he is the type of person who can avoid his problems until HE feels ready to face them so I'm worried that if I just text him that I know everything he's not going to respond. If I am telling him I know everything than I want to actually talk it out.


[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
I think it may have been because I would quote someone, than copy the HTML to a word document and write it all out there (so I could quote everyone - I don't know how to multi quote here ), after that I would try to copying and paste it here. Maybe the forum was flagging it as non-human because it wasn't typed?

At this point I think I have kind of gotten used to him going silent. Whenever we are talking I'm always anticipating it. It hurts a little, but not as much as you would expect, probably because I have been through it so many times with him. As far as how I react, it varies. I will explain.

The first time it happened I would text him every now and then something along the lines of "Hope you're alright and that schools going good." he would never respond. Finally I sent him one that was almost exactly the same, the only difference was that I added "If I did anything wrong, I would really like to know" to the end and he text back immediately apologizing and saying that it was wrong of him to ignore me like that, but I hadn't done anything wrong and he didn't want me to ever think that. He still wasn't ready to talk yet though. A week later he messaged me again wanting to get together and catch up.

The second time, I didn't try texting him at all. One day he sent me a text just saying "Hey, How have you been" and I ignored it. He went through my facebook and liked a ton of pictures and eventually commented on one saying "You look great" I didn't like or respond to his comment either. Two weeks pass and I get another random text from him saying "I miss the way things used to be (insert list of all the things we did as a couple) You know, when everything was simpler, when we used to be great friends" (None of the thing he listed we did as friends though, only bf/gf) I still didn't respond. Within hours he had messaged me on facebook as well, AND posted a status saying "Things used to be simple" (he hadn't used facebook since we had broken up) he was getting visibly desperate and I was going to continue no contact but my mom advised me not to go to long and make him give up all together so a few days later I replied "Hey, sorry I've been busy how have you been?"

The third time (this time) I didn't say anything either, there was one night I sent him a text and tried calling him when he had first deleted his facebook but I couldn't get through. A few months later he posted a status on a different social networking site saying "I still want to be friends" I didn't notice the status until a few days after he posted it, but when I checked it out he had commented on it saying "You know who you are. you can ext me if you want" I decided to post my own status to see what he would do and wrote "I wish you words were meant for me" he imediatly posted a status saying "My last post was about you ____" he kept pushing me to text him and I thought about it all day. finally that night I text him.

The first time you mentioned above sounded like he was going through something & wanted space or not to discuss his life, so he ignored you & your texts, but if a good friend he shouldn't ignore you when you reach out, but just my opinion ~You have feelings & he should respect you, I wonder who elses texts he ignored in that time frame too.

The second time looks like he missed you & realized ignoring you wasn't right & then felt how you felt being ignored when reaching out. A real friend is there for you, to talk whenever you need it, not only when they need it.
Why do you think the 2nd time he reached out LOTS more than usual, do you know if something bad happened in that time to him? he clearly needed to talk with you. Your mom liked you & him together obviously.

The hot & cold he is must annoy you a lot? He wants you there when he needs you but not when you need him? Do you feel he is selfish? I have a friend exactly like him & I stopped reaching out was too hurtful & he wasn't ever a ex for me, only a long time good friend who always disappointed me. Sometimes you have to let go & give up on people

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Sorry for the delay in posting, apparently the forum isn't working much better for me, today is the first day since my last post that Ive even been able to get the site to load on my laptop.
[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION] To be honest, I'm not really sure what I want. I still have really strong feelings for him. It's frustrating, over the past year, every thing that has gone down between me and him, my feelings haven't changed at all. It really scares me that I haven't made any progress in getting over him, even during our NC periods.

The first time you mentioned above sounded like he was going through something & wanted space or not to discuss his life, so he ignored you & your texts, but if a good friend he shouldn't ignore you when you reach out, but just my opinion ~You have feelings & he should respect you, I wonder who elses texts he ignored in that time frame too.

The second time looks like he missed you & realized ignoring you wasn't right & then felt how you felt being ignored when reaching out. A real friend is there for you, to talk whenever you need it, not only when they need it.
Why do you think the 2nd time he reached out LOTS more than usual, do you know if something bad happened in that time to him? he clearly needed to talk with you. Your mom liked you & him together obviously.

The hot & cold he is must annoy you a lot? He wants you there when he needs you but not when you need him? Do you feel he is selfish? I have a friend exactly like him & I stopped reaching out was too hurtful & he wasn't ever a ex for me, only a long time good friend who always disappointed me. Sometimes you have to let go & give up on people

When we were dating, no I didn't feel he was selfish. He compromised a lot throughout our relationship to make me happy. Maybe that's why he is the way he is now.

He was going through some stuff. He never really told me specifically what had been going on until we got back into contact but his life had definitely gotten flipped upside down.

My mom and I had been talking shortly after he reached out to me the first time and her opinion was that maybe he cut contact the first time out of guilt. He had started college 6 months before me (the college is in the same city we live in so no long distance or anything) and after we broke up (before he ever cut contact) we would always hangout and he would kiss me on the forhead and say things like "things will be better once you're here" and he made me a promise that when I started he would help me find all my classes. He cut contact a month before I started and didn't speak to me again for 3 months. When he did contact me again I found out that he had been going through some stuff, and he couldn't continue going to college. He had to do it correspondence (online) because of time management issues or something. It went with something he told me when we broke up about how I made him feel bad whenever he had to "let me down" when it came to plans he couldn't keep (I would get really upset when plans him and I made wouldn't work out and take it out on him even if it was something beyond his control) - The pormise to show me around, and that things would be better when we were at the school together was just another thing he had "let me down" about.

[breathe123]

That's o-k, Xox, the forum was being spammed & was giving errors.

Do you still want a happy ever after with him, do you still see him through young love eyes or current eyes? Maybe just keep a friendly relationship where you catch up every so often & support the other if needed. Do you wonder why he didn't tell you who he was so close with what he was going through but instead cut contact? He doesn't need to feel guilty anymore, because you broke up & are only friends, should make that clear to him.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

That's o-k, Xox, the forum was being spammed & was giving errors.

Do you still want a happy ever after with him, do you still see him through young love eyes or current eyes? Maybe just keep a friendly relationship where you catch up every so often & support the other if needed. Do you wonder why he didn't tell you who he was so close with what he was going through but instead cut contact? He doesn't need to feel guilty anymore, because you broke up & are only friends, should make that clear to him.

I'm not sure to be honest. There is a huge part of me that wishes him and I could have worked out and had our "happily ever after" I still can't see myself with anyone else to be truthful, but there is another part of me that realizes it's probably not realistic, and if my assumptions about his supposed new relationship are right, and he did in fact cheat, than I would be really stupid for even thinking about him in that way still.

I wondered about it a little bit, but at the same time he's always been kind of weird about that. He's not the type to talk about his problems but rather keep them to himself (He opened up to me a lot through out our relationship though) when we were dating he mentioned that he "tries to make his life look better than it is" and I think that's a huge part of the reason he doesn't talk about his personal life. I can remember in high school he had to move and he didn't tell anyone he was moving until after the fact...

[breathe123]

But it seems you have not been able to discuss it all with him yet & maybe the ' did he cheat with you ' q. & why should be first asked if it is one of the thoughts that bothers you most right now regrading him & how you two can be in the future. Maybe he missed you as much as you him & in that moment chose you, so to him he wasn't cheating with you when you were the one he was choosing consciously (( does that make sense???)), you won't know until he can be honest about it.

So he's always been secretive ~ then what he's done not telling you about the girl & going silent is him being him for the most part, but still annoying because he should grow out of this at some point as he grows older, you'd wish.