How would you handle this with your mother (or father for the guys)?

[lovemuffin]

So your mother has cancer? And you are worried about your boyfriend? How long ago was this surgery? There is something very wrong with your story. Inconsistent.

Is your mother self-sufficient or not? Are you? Who is supporting who here?

My mother had cancer about 7 years ago. The thing about my ex-boyfriend dawned on me a few years later and particularly since her weird comment. Not sure what inconsistency youre referring to. My mother is self-sufficient yes and able-bodied again now. I moved home about 1.5 years ago for financial reasons and have been having a very hard time finding a permanent job.

[IndiReloaded]

I moved home about 1.5 years ago for financial reasons and have been having a very hard time finding a permanent job.

Then it sounds to me that you should be thanking your mom for her tolerance. If you don't like her, then let's face it: you are using her. That's a pretty shitty thing to do and then gripe about comments about your BFs, don't you think? Maybe she said what she did b/c she's sick of you living with her too?

Spend your energy on getting a job. Not things like this thread. In your shoes, I wouldn't even be bothering with men, just focussing on supporting myself. Time to grow up.

I am not interested in mainting a relationship with her after this as I am very insulted and dont trust her anymore somehow.

^Then move out.

[MaidenMinx]

Wait? what? You moved back home to help look after your mother with cancer. She had cancer 7 years ago and you're 19... So you moved back home to take care of your mother when you were 12....? That makes no sense.

[IndiReloaded]

I think it means she's around 26. The posts were about when she was 19, past tense.

[lovemuffin]

Then it sounds to me that you should be thanking your mom for her tolerance. If you don't like her, then let's face it: you are using her. That's a pretty shitty thing to do and then gripe about comments about your BFs, don't you think? Maybe she said what she did b/c she's sick of you living with her too?

Spend your energy on getting a job. Not things like this thread. In your shoes, I wouldn't even be bothering with men, just focussing on supporting myself. Time to grow up.


^Then move out.

I have appreciated my mother letting me move back and things were fine living with her until she started doing and saying the weird stuff... like walking in on my boyfriend and I one morning (when I was living in the finished downstairs)... peering in my windows when she knew I was getting ready for an event one night... and now latest comments.

I am doing everything I can to find a permanent job. You cant move into an apartment or even a roommate situation without one. I went to an interview a few months ago that had about 25 other people applying for it when I got there. I have never seen this before. They had us all in a room and gave an overview about the job then did 10 minute interviews. Its not easy out there today.

[Wakeup]

You went on an interview "a few months ago?" I'm going to assume that you've been to more than one since that one.

Have you talked to a employment councellor? Perhaps they can help you. Have you talked to Social Services in your area? Perhaps they can help you. Have you talked to the unemployment people about job re-training? etc.

If you won't talk to a psychologist to help you with your past and your self-esteem issues then at least get the help that is available to you which will help you to get away from the situation that is keeping you down.

Complaining and doing nothing to better your lot will do nothing to help you.. just like asking how we'd feel if our mother said what your mother said will do nothing to help you.

Look after yourself and stop being a victim. It's time to overcome which, when you do, will boost your self-esteem and conifidence.

[lovemuffin]

Ive been on about 25 in the past 6 months. Some looked like they were going to really happen... and then last minute a few woudl tell me the position was cut due to funding. I have talked to employment councellor also yes.

I would have still posted about the issues with my mother whether or not I was living with her.

[Wakeup]

Ive been on about 25 in the past 6 months. Some looked like they were going to really happen... and then last minute a few woudl tell me the position was cut due to funding. I have talked to employment councellor also yes.

Have you gone to social services? Perhaps they can get you some funding in order to move away.

I would have still posted about the issues with my mother whether or not I was living with her.

This is where your psychologist (perhaps psychiatrist) would come in handy. As I've said before, asking how we would feel if our mother said that to us is just you seeking out validation. Getting validation for your own personal feelings is something that a professional will help you with while at the same time helping you to realize things that you've buried in you sub-conscious... where your inner child is crying for your help.

I think it was Heartisaching who suggested you go to Al-anon (for children/siblings etc of alcoholics) which is a very good idea if you are afraid to go to councelling (social services will likely help you with funding for personal therapy if that is what stops you) because Al-anon will help you to nuture your inner child.

[lovemuffin]

I am on unemployment when I dont have a contract position (which is on average about every other month these days). I start a new job Monday but its only contract for 1.5 months.

I dont have money to see a shrink these days. Yes I am seeking validation for the situation.. a reality check moreso. Isnt that what alot of people here do??

I am considering Al-Anon.

[Wakeup]

I am on unemployment when I dont have a contract position (which is on average about every other month these days). I start a new job Monday but its only contract for 1.5 months.

Good.. save for first and last months rent.

I dont have money to see a shrink these days.

I covered that.. have you asked social assistance what they can do for you?

Yes I am seeking validation for the situation.. a reality check moreso. Isnt that what alot of people here do??

Yes, but they don't need the professional help that you appear to need to get over their own past. As I've said (about 4 times now) Validation won't help you in the long term.

I am considering Al-Anon.

"Do", don't just "say". Help you to be the best you that you can be.

[lovemuffin]

I am getting so little from unemployment I cant save anything... I am barely covering my bills.

I will look into what social services therapy.

Others opinions about how they would feel in my shoes would be helpful actually... and the only thing I wanted when I came onto this forum. This is what I see a lot of people ask on this forum about their own situations.. again I dont see why mine is different.

[searock]

I don't think any of us can give you an answer, because your childhood and relationship with your parents isn't what you'd call "typical".

[IndiReloaded]

I'm not surprised about the interviews. The economy sucks and its hard to find a job, much less a decent one.

All the more reason I'm surprised at this thread. You have family who is helping support you and you are kicking dirt in her face. Why don't you just be more discreet about your 'companions'? Close the blinds. Stay over at their place (bringing them to your moms--really?).

[lovemuffin]

OMG I dont know how many times I have to say this. Things were fine between my mom and I until she started saying and doing the weird things she has.. including my recollection that she may have sexually abused me in my childhood (I dont know if I already mentioned how she used to walk around nude with a female friend in front of me when I was a teenager)... and I was very grateful she let me move back home. I was living in the finished basement of the house when she walked in on my boyfriend and I. I didnt close the blinds because I never thought my mom would be peering through them at any time... and I did stay at his place much more often.

I cannot move out right now... I'm stuck here because I cant find a real job.

[MaidenMinx]

Dear oh dear. Her walking around naked in front of you is not that big a deal. My mum and her friends were all hippiesque people and I've been subjected to random nudity. It didn't screw me up.

Seriously, I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. So she said some weird stuff? Parents do that at times because they are human too. My mum has openly told me she is jealous of the fact that I have a husband who has stuck around and who loves our son. She is also jealous of the relationship with my dad.
Wanna know why this doesn't effect me much? Because I don't let it. It's not my problem that my mum hasn't had the life she wanted and I refuse to let her think that it is my problem.

Let it go!!!