How to keep up the act of being a player?

[eo_ih]

So you want to find girls who make you unhappy?

Is there any other sort?

I'm talking about guys who find girls that they are happy with, that they enjoy being around. That's what makes relationships fun. It's not weakness to be with someone you like, who likes you back. Clearly, you're struggling with that.

I read it to mean that they need that person in order to be happy, and would not be content without them. Which, you must admit, is how these things work for a lot of people unfortunately.

If you're not interested in finding a girl whose company you enjoy, then why are you on a dating/relationships forum? If you think it's weak to be happy with another person, then you should be just fine being single (and celibate) for the rest of your life.

I don't know why I do it. When I was 20-22 people kept telling me I was good looking and how I must get loads of girls, etc. So I thought I should try and actually do it before I get too old. I'm just trying to play at being human, it can be fun for a while.

Isn't it great to be an island, to be a strong manly rock who doesn't need other people?

It's fantastic.

[ShellyZ]

Is there any other sort?

Yes. If all girls make you unhappy, then you shouldn't be dating.

I read it to mean that they need that person in order to be happy, and would not be content without them.

No, you misinterpreted. I meant that they are also happy when they're around that person, because she has all the qualities that they'd want in a partner and being with her is enjoyable.

It's fantastic.

It must not be that fantastic, otherwise you wouldn't put so much effort into acting like a player in a futile attempt to get girls. You're an island, remember? You don't need girls, you don't need sex, you don't need human companionship. That's for weaklings.

[eo_ih]

It must not be that fantastic, otherwise you wouldn't put so much effort into acting like a player in a futile attempt to get girls. You're an island, remember? You don't need girls, you don't need sex, you don't need human companionship. That's for weaklings.

I feel that I ought to be able to manipulate humans a lot better than I currently can. In certain situations I'm very good at it, essentially when I need to act as a diplomat in some way. But in romantic (and business) situations - any time I stand to gain something - I'm absolutely pathetic, which I'm not happy with.

[surfhb]

I feel that I ought to be able to manipulate humans a lot better than I currently can. In certain situations I'm very good at it, essentially when I need to act as a diplomat in some way. But in romantic (and business) situations - any time I stand to gain something - I'm absolutely pathetic, which I'm not happy with.

manipulate humans? LOL You basically need some therepy. Nothing to be ashamed of these days.....best thing i ever did since i once thought like you

[MynameisJesus]

Why would you even want a girl to think you're a player? Surely you'd rather have someone take an interst in you based on other qualities, and be able to trust you?

People always come up with famous lines as " You should look for someone that likes you for who you are "
But if you fall for some girl with insecurity issues that falls for stereotype players, it is very tempting (to me and others I think) to pretend to be someone else.
That is a very human reaction when you're in love and I don't think that says something about your self esteem.

Yes I should be more confident to attract women and yes it would work for some of them.
But there will always be a big number of insecure women that crave for a player d^ckhead that they will never understand

[maxmax]

I feel that I ought to be able to manipulate humans a lot better than I currently can. In certain situations I'm very good at it, essentially when I need to act as a diplomat in some way. But in romantic (and business) situations - any time I stand to gain something - I'm absolutely pathetic, which I'm not happy with.

People are not there to be manipulated.

Influenced, and encouraged perhaps, but that takes charisma, character and personality.

Manipulation differs from influence and encouragement as although it may seem similar to some, the fact is, when you manipulate someone you're actually showing you have no respect or value for them at all.

Perhaps you should read this instead, although I guess in the wrong hands, it too could lead to 'manipulation':

[url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0749307846]How to Win Friends and Influence People: Amazon.co.uk: Dale Carnegie: Books[/url]

[vertical_sky]

Mostly valid - the trouble is that I'm far too "shy" and retiring to approach or "work on" girls who aren't like that, with their outgoing nature and low standards. Other sorts are terrified of me, my physical appearance is not congruent with my personality.

Well then you've reached the fork in the road. You have two choices. Either 1) Continuing passively letting the girls choose you... but this means you'll keep running into these types of girls, and you will need to keep up the player persona, even though it may not accurately reflect who you are. OR 2) Work on the shyness and the approach for girls that YOU choose. Start being proactive in your dating life, and through trial/error find out how to reach girls who were otherwise "terrified" of you. (I think a better word is intimidated.)

Obviously the 2nd is going to require more work. But from my standpoint, I think if you choose the first one, you'll ultimately end up either becoming that which you act like you are, or being miserable. The second means putting yourself out on the line, but it also has the best chance of finding someone who actually DOES like you for just who you are.

[WouldLikeToKnow]

Seems to me that if you want to keep these kind of girls around then maybe just keep doing what you're doing. Be nice, pull back. Be nice, pull back. You don't have to be a complete a**hole to make that work. Just keep them on their toes, showing your nice side but not always giving it. Just disappear for a few days, just enough to make them wonder. It's hard, I know, I struggle with this but when I look back, every guy that I've been 'difficult' with wants me. It doesn't matter how much I reject them, even blatantly, they still try. It's like they want me even more. Even boyfriends have come closer when they felt me 'pulling away'. Now I never did this to play a game, it's just the way I genuinely feeling. Whenever I like someone too much and am too giving they start to treat me like crap. I guess it's just human nature to want the thing that's just out of reach. It's sad that we can't just be completely ourselves but I suppose the trick is to never let the other person feel they truly 'have' you. That's when they stop trying...

[Incognito]

Wow.... amazing. Why is anyone commenting on this thread? Its obvious that the OP is just a trolling bastard. He is ignoring all practical advice to be himself and look for a different kind of woman. He even claims to "not understand what being one's self" even means. If I asked a random 4 year old they'd be able to understand what that meant. Further this guy derides all women saying that they all want to be with a player. He even seems to think that manipulation is the key to a successful relationship, if he's even after an actual relationship or knows what one is. I look forward to seeing "dead" under his name in the near future.

[eo_ih]

Seems to me that if you want to keep these kind of girls around then maybe just keep doing what you're doing. Be nice, pull back. Be nice, pull back. You don't have to be a complete a**hole to make that work. Just keep them on their toes, showing your nice side but not always giving it. Just disappear for a few days, just enough to make them wonder. It's hard, I know, I struggle with this but when I look back, every guy that I've been 'difficult' with wants me. It doesn't matter how much I reject them, even blatantly, they still try. It's like they want me even more. Even boyfriends have come closer when they felt me 'pulling away'. Now I never did this to play a game, it's just the way I genuinely feeling. Whenever I like someone too much and am too giving they start to treat me like crap. I guess it's just human nature to want the thing that's just out of reach. It's sad that we can't just be completely ourselves but I suppose the trick is to never let the other person feel they truly 'have' you. That's when they stop trying...

Yea basically.

Wow.... amazing. Why is anyone commenting on this thread?

Why are you?

Its obvious that the OP is just a trolling bastard.

I say.

He is ignoring all practical advice to be himself and look for a different kind of woman. He even claims to "not understand what being one's self" even means. If I asked a random 4 year old they'd be able to understand what that meant.

It doesn't follow that an adult "should" also understand it. When people grow up, things that made sense to the simple mind of a child often no longer do, when we see things as a bit more involved and complicated.
I don't aspire to have a four year old's view on the world, though I suppose it could be peaceful and pleasant.

Further this guy derides all women saying that they all want to be with a player.

It's not derisive, or only if you see it to be so. I don't think it's a negative thing.

He even seems to think that manipulation is the key to a successful relationship,

Any interpersonal relationship, yes. It doesn't just carry on by some kind of impenetrable magic - we can analyse the participants' words and actions and see how they are, perhaps subconsciously, influencing or manipulating each other. This is distasteful to many people, who prefer to ignore "how things work", but for others like myself I can't help but notice it and therefore begin to work with it.

if he's even after an actual relationship or knows what one is.

I never know what a "relationship" means just like that, no. Something to do with kissing and facebook.

I look forward to seeing "dead" under his name in the near future.

Gosh!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you really want to learn to manipulate people, play chess..a lot. Be careful, once you get good, it's difficult to turn off. It's really an innate skill though, and everyone's potential for it varies. If you're on here asking for tips..yours probably isn't very high.



It's really just a matter of confidence. Girls like guys that are happy and content with themselves. That's why your alphamale/douchebag/player/whatever you wanna call it gets so much female attention.