Age difference

[zas]

Well I'm 18 and I really like a 31 yr old! He also likes me but I don't see a problem with the age gap! age is just a number!

[vashti]

A 31 year old dating an 18 year old is similar to an 18 year old dating a 12 year old (psychologically speaking), unless of course, that 31 year old is incredibly immature..

[zas]

That's crap. Like I say age is just a number.

[vashti]

That is what I would expect an 18 year old to say, but good luck to you.

[zas]

No really, what the hell is age? Yeah fair enough life experience blah blah. But my mum and dad have a 10 year age gap, they met when my mum was 17, married and had three kids. So it does work in some cases. I reckon the only time it won
't work is if the younger person in the relationship is really immature whereas I am old beyond my years and I just don't see a 13 year age gap as an issue.

[MissK]

Well I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 40 with grown up kids and he's the first person I've ever truly clicked with. Before I dated him I was really hurt by someone who was very close to my own age so personally I believe that if someone makes you happy - go for it. What you're going through sounds familiar, I got to know my partner for a few months before we went out on a first date which to me was great and I can say that he is the only boyfriend I've ever had that I've actually truly cared about and trusted as opposed to just liking.

Yes there have been some people that think my situation is 'weird' or 'sick' but I dont care what other people think, the only opinions I do care about are my friends and family and they've all accepted him and my relationship. I know my partner really cares about me and vice versa and we have a lot of respect and understanding for each other. Whilst we do have different life experiences, he is someone I can turn to for advice about things and I'm not missing out on being a 19 year old - I go out with my mates as well and do silly typical things people my age do.

I don't know what the future will hold for my relationship, anything can happen but if you really do believe you could be happy with this person go for it, good luck! I think in the end it comes down to the two individuals and how well they get on together, not age.

[bluesummer]

A 31 year old dating an 18 year old is similar to an 18 year old dating a 12 year old (psychologically speaking), unless of course, that 31 year old is incredibly immature..

I agree. Realistically, an 18 yr old and a 31 yr old would have nothing in common, unless he was super immature. It's got nothing to do with the actual amount of years between them, just what stages they are at in life. Thirteen years difference would be more practical if one partner was say 25, and the other 38.

No sense telling an 18 yr old that though. I know at 18 I considered myself wise beyond my years as well (as most do). In retrospect, that's pretty far from reality.

[vashti]

Bluesummer is a smart cookie.

In a couple of years when these young girls outgrow their psuedo-men maturity-wise, they will be singing a different tune.

[shh!]

Yes there have been some people that think my situation is 'weird' or 'sick' but I dont care what other people think.

People don't think your situation is weird so much as they think your boyfriend is. You they will simply dismiss as "young".

[MissK]

Unless people know the individuals really well I think they're always going to be inclined to think that he's sick and I'm naive, those people dont really matter in the end - you're having the relationship and not them.

I guess you're right shh, I know I'd certainly think that if it had happened to one of my friends.

Though now I dont think anyone really can judge people in age gap relationships until they've had a similar experience.

[vashti]

Haha - I have. Why do you think I have strong opinions about it? What you fail to consider is that when you are 18, you are still undergoing enormous growth emotionally (regardless of what you pecieve your maturity level to be) and a man who is so much older is generally done maturing. You are sure to outgrow him in a few years.

[MissK]

That's also true, I know I'm growing emotionally still and that in a few years I may feel entirely different about him but most people change over time regardless of age so in saying that again I still think it comes down to the two individuals.

I'm enjoying that me makes me the happiest I've ever been right now and if things change in the future then they change and hopefully I'll be emotionally mature enough to deal with that.

You probably think I sound really silly now dont I?

[vashti]

Just don't get pregnant. Everything else can be undone, but not that.

[lovesjoyajm]

I've already posted about this, but I kind of have a similar situation - I'm 20, the guy is 29. I've only known him for a month (he was here visiting his sister) but in that time we talked a lot, and hung out, and eventually kissed and stuff. I'll be living in his city for the month of September, so we'll see what happens - it's pretty much up in the air right now. But I don't consider him to be at all immature, or myself to be especially mature - we're both just normal people, who are 9 years apart, who happen to click because we do have a lot in common. Do you think that's weird?

[MissK]

Ahaha, that is very true!

And not to worry, there is physically no chance of that happening.