Boyfriend cheating on me with porn - how do I put a stop to this?

[Boisdevie]

I need to change him? NO DEAR, FIND ANOTHER BRAIN ADDLED RELIGIOUS NON MASTURBATING LOONY LIKE YOURSELF THEN YOU'LL BE HAPPY. YOU TRY TO CHANGE HIM AND HE WILL MOVE A MILLION MILES TO BE AWAY FROM YOU.

[vashti]

Great stuff that. Is the North Wind meant to be an inhalation?

Lots of ways to interpret it, I think. It could have to do with how it is necessary for a garden to have both heat and cold to blossom. It could be that she needs a cold north wind to cool her off and give her relief.

[bulrush]

That's not porn. That is love poetry.

The original Song of Solomon is very graphic-- pornographic. Perhaps you've seen the "sanitized" version. That's what a Baptist minister told me.

[MetalPhoenix]

Please don't lump all "Christians" in with the poster. As someone has said, porn CAN be addicting and a problem, as can other things. Bulrush has made a good point. Humans have done many evil things in the name of "Christianity" (bulrush, you left out slavery. Many members of the KKK were Sunday school teachers and deacons in churches). No wonder Gandhi said that he did not become a Christian because so many of his so-called followers were not like their Christ. The "Church" has done an horrible job when it comes to sexuality. e.g. how many pastors have ever talked about the fact that Paul said that is my responsibility to see that my wife is sexually satisfied???? I have never heard it. Although, I would not condone the actions of many on the boards, it is ultimately up to me to judge them. My job, according to my Christ, is to love them. It is not my job to change anyone; that is the job of the Holy Spirit. Many tend to make sexual "sins" to be the ultimate "sins" and forget that being unloving to our neighbors is a sin too. I just need to mention that the basis for "the sin of masturbation" came from one verse in the Old Testament and it was not even talking about masturbation.

To the original poster, it is not your job to change anyone. Like others have said, you need to find a guy that has the same views that you do. If you can't find such a guy, maybe you are called to be single.

The "Normal" Christians are the powerbase for the wacko's in charge. Their passive support makes it possible for these extremists to keep going...all because it's religious.

[romantic_guy]

The "Normal" Christians are the powerbase for the wacko's in charge. Their passive support makes it possible for these extremists to keep going...all because it's religious.

Then I guess I am glad that I am not "normal."

[HeartIsAching]

Most "Christians" aren't Christians at all, but Paulists.

[vashti]

The original Song of Solomon is very graphic-- pornographic. Perhaps you've seen the "sanitized" version. That's what a Baptist minister told me.

Oh, bull. I've read the Hebrew version, the language in which it was written. It's definitely written by lovers. Your Baptist minister was just a pervert.

"Ani l' dodi v' dodi li" translates to "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." Hardly pornographic, though I suppose certain passages may be described as "erotic".

[romantic_guy]

Most "Christians" aren't Christians at all, but Paulists.

I agree!! We need to interpret what Paul said in light what what Jesus said...not the other way around. (Have we hijacked the thread here???)

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, bull. I've read the Hebrew version, the language in which it was written. It's definitely written by lovers. Your Baptist minister was just a pervert.

"Ani l' dodi v' dodi li" translates to "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." Hardly pornographic, though I suppose certain passages may be described as "erotic".

Hail to the expert. Sorry Bulshit..I mean Bulrush

[bloodtippedrose]

Rachel: Have you talked to your religious leader about having this demon exorcized from your bf? O.o

still laughing at this...

[Mathias]

and letting 50 guys rape you in the anus

I have to see this.

[Rachel Pierce]

I need to change him? NO DEAR, FIND ANOTHER BRAIN ADDLED RELIGIOUS NON MASTURBATING LOONY LIKE YOURSELF THEN YOU'LL BE HAPPY. YOU TRY TO CHANGE HIM AND HE WILL MOVE A MILLION MILES TO BE AWAY FROM YOU.

Excuse me, but I'm not the one who's brain addled here. There is nothing good about porn, and it seems to me that there are a lot of people on here who have deluded themselves into thinking porn is 'perfectly normal' so they can feel that there is nothing abnormal about their perversion. Well let me tell you something, porn is very harmful to you.

Here's an article from the pornharms website (sorry, it's not letting me post links, but feel free to google the website) that you should all read on how pornography increases violence, and makes normal healthy young men actually 'think' they should re-enact scenes from these disgusting movies on the women they supposedly love. I'm talking about subjecting women to anal abuse, making them swallow their semen like it is a normal healthy sex act. Have a read, maybe you'll learn something -

PORN INCREASES VIOLENCE

The bulk of today’s available pornography often contains depictions of violence and abuse. The majority is usually against the female performers. It is depicted in a number of ways, from name-calling and spitting to physical violence such as slapping and biting to extreme simulations of rape. This no doubt has an effect on the viewer. As our society becomes more and more desensitized to such sexual violence, it becomes more tolerated.

As drawn from the available research gathered on this site, here are some talking points:

Pornography, which portrays women deriving pleasure from physical abuse, tends to enable men to foster attitudes more forgiving of violence against women and to become more comfortable with the “idea” of rape.
There is an abundant amount of evidence that shows viewers of pornography often seek to find ways to perform in real life the same certain sex acts that they saw on the films, magazines, and online.

The actual making of pornography often involves violence and sexual assault. During the production of commercial pornography, performers are subjected to intense abuse and violence and are pressured to continue by their agent or director.

Consumers graduate from common to less common forms of pornography as their usage increases over time. This may be because familiar material becomes unexciting as a result of habituation. These consumers move to more violent and degrading materials as they become invested more in pornography.

[bloodtippedrose]

Wow that proves it all! Porn is the devils work. If it says so, it must be so.

[Rachel Pierce]

Here's an interesting article from the TruthSaves website. If anyone needs any links to these articles, please feel free to message me off-board.

IS MASTURBATION WRONG?

~ Question from a Site Viewer ~

Where in the bible does it say masturbation is wrong?


~ Tim's Answer ~

Thank you for your question. The short answer is that nowhere in Scripture is masturbation mentioned, except to the extent that the subject may be included in the word "fornication" (a word meaning general sexual sins). Some have sought to say otherwise by pointing to Genesis 38:8-10, but the issue there was selfishness and a refusal to fulfill the duty God had given him to raise up seed for his brother.

But though the word is not found in Scripture, for the believer the question does not stop there. When we come to Christ, we surrender our bodies to Him as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1-2). Our bodies no longer belong to us (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), but to God. And we are called to focus our thoughts on things of heaven (Colossians 3:2). So life is no longer about us, but about the will and mission of God in this world which is to save sinners and bring people into a love relationship with Jesus Christ.

Masturbation as well as sexual fantasies can control a person's mind. And the more we give in to such temptations, the more it controls us. Some have argued that for a person who is unmarried, masturbation is an innocent way to relieve sexual tension that otherwise would consume us. But such is simply not true. Sexual tensions consume us when we allow them to occupy our minds. The battle is always fought in the mind. But if we bring our thoughts into obedience for Christ, then sexual tensions, like all other matters diminish. The less we think about sex, the less it controls us. The more we think about sex, the more it controls us. And we have an ability to control what we think about. Scripture tells us to think about the things that are true, noble, just, pure, and lovely (Philippians 4:8). To be vessels prepared for the Master's use, we want to have self-control in all areas, including this area.

Sex was created by God as a relational matter. It is for this reason that the male and female sex organs are shaped as they are. And it is in the marital relationship that we find a blessing in Scripture on sex. Paul speaks of the natural use of the woman (Romans 1:27). What is true of women is true also of men. There is a natural use of our sex organs that is honorable before God (Hebrews 13:4). There is an unnatural use that God will judge (Hebrews 13:4). Paul urges the Corinthians, who formerly were into all sorts of sexual deviancy (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). He then goes on to state in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that if anyone cannot exercise self-control, then let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. He does not say, "let them masturbate," as some counselors and Christians would say today.

Some have a more difficult time controlling their thought life in the area of sex than others. This does not mean that anyone should give up the battle. If we fail, we confess and begin to live again in a right relationship with God. But the worst of all worlds is to give up the fight and simply spiral down into a life controlled by thoughts of sex. In that path there is no life, but we truly become slaves of sex and sin even as Scripture says. Sexual thoughts will crowd thoughts of God out of our lives and make us less than God intended for us to be. On the other hand, if we choose not to walk in the Spirit, if we focus on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2), then we will become like the saints and prophets of old with a deep and abiding personal relationship with God that is worth far more than any momentary pleasure that sex can provide.

Paul's admonishment to young Timothy was to flee youthful desires (2 Timothy 2:22). Peter writes the same thing when he urges us to abstain from fleshly desires which war against the soul (1 Peter 2:11). My advice is to save sex for marriage and use it in marriage to honor one another. And if one never gets married, then the loss of sex is minor compared with the glory of Christ. There is no comparison. No one in heaven will wish they had more sex. But we may all wish that we had served Christ more faithfully.

May the Lord Jesus and His Spirit guide you in the knowledge of His will in this area and give you peace.

And another interesting article from the allaboutlifechanges website

Is overcoming compulsive masturbation possible?

Overcoming compulsive masturbation is certainly possible. I have over 5 years of sobriety. However, before I discovered the secret, I was totally powerless over the situation. Pornography is so incredibly insidious. Images can be burned into your conscious memory for years. The only thing that I found that worked was confessing the sin to my wife, confessing it to friends, reading the Bible daily, and praying to be healed of it.

I know that probably sounds like a cop out when you are looking for some great strategy to manage compulsive masturbation addiction but that's the truth. There is actually a great biblical basis for it. James 5:16 says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Until I took these steps, I felt hopeless. There is great power in praying and acknowledging that you are powerless. When you humble yourself to others and especially your wife and share the pain, I truly believe you cut that pain and the addiction in half. James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

It is very humbling to admit you have a problem like compulsive masturbation. If you are still living with the secret and you are married, then your first step is to tell your wife. I prayed to God and asked Him to soften her heart. I prayed and asked that He would protect her from being so hurt that she would want to leave me.

Second, I confessed it to other men. Frankly, this was much easier than sharing it with my wife. Every man I spoke with was very understanding and prayed for me just as it says in James 5:16. Many of these men were close friends that knew me and cared for me.

Lastly, I started reading the Bible daily and praying. I found this to be the big hammer in this issue. God's Word is powerful. Jesus said that we are sanctified by the truth and that His Word is truth in John 17:17. Without a daily quiet time with God and His Word, I do not believe this horrible bondage would have been broken. When I realized what Ephesians 5:25-27 said, I truly believe that it set me free. "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." If you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior then you are already forgiven and washed clean. Now you just need to read His Word, believe it, and pray to be healed of it.

I hope this helps.

[HeartIsAching]

It helps us to realize just how deep your psychosis goes.

Do you believe in Brownies, Fairies, Elves and Leprechauns, or just the invisible man in the sky?

Oh, and this is a serious question:

If you believe in Yahweh, do you believe in the version in the old testament (the Jewish version) or the new testament (the Paulist version) - because they're pretty obviously two different deities.