So confused. Need female advice.

[Cain]

Please, for the love of God, explain to me why it's so ****ing difficult for people to find someone single? I think it just turns some guys on to try and go after taken women.

[IndiReloaded]

I didn't force her into that tattoo by the way. I mentioned to her I wanted to go get another one and she said what I was getting was cute so she opted in at the shop. Female thought process on that one?

Oh, you're just full of shit, aren't you? This^ is quite a bit different from saying you two went out & got matching tattoos. LOL, quite a different bit of spin there.

Anyway, there's all kinds of manipulation. Yours is just the kind that makes things maximally confusing for all concerned. I agree w/Vash, she's not married, so 'all's fair, etc' but I also agree w/Cain--there are classier ways to go about letting someone in a relationship know you are interested.

Done posting in this thread. Good luck.

[shh!]

Feldy, I know that at least 2 of the male posters on this thread are incredibly threatened by the idea of competing for their girl's affection. I say more power to you, but just be careful. I think you are ignoring some obvious signs of trouble. It shouldn't be difficult for a girl who loves you to decide she wants to be with you (although the execution may be difficult).

This won't end well.

[feldy321]

I'm not going out after her anymore. You took all that from me saying im going to contain my emotions and not get close? She is still my friend. What is wrong with being friends if I respect that is all it is? Im not taking the "its fair because im single" advice. Man you all read into things so deep. I said im backing off and not that it matters if you believe it or not, that is what i plan on doing. Going out with my friends tonight anyways. Going to go see whats up in town. Haven't been around the "click" for a bit.

Thanks everyone. As for the tattoo thing that was you reading way into it... You did not ask what the circumstances were... did you? Or did you just jump to assumptions? You say i make all parties confused... i could say that you seem to be that bitch who assumes her shit doesn't stink and knows everything...? I call it like i see it BUT that is an ASSUMPTION I know NOTHING about you. So I don't run with that as what I really feel.

Im not a guy who manipulates situation I am a guy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar as far as trying to get a "taken" woman for the first time. Everyone learns from experience.

I really do appreciate all of your advice but god damn sooooo many assumptions here.

[IndiReloaded]

Bullshit. That is all. You aren't 'just friends'. As Giga says:

Friends don't want to ****.

[Cain]

Feldy, I know that at least 2 of the male posters on this thread are incredibly threatened by the idea of competing for their girl's affection. I say more power to you, but just be careful. I think you are ignoring some obvious signs of trouble. It shouldn't be difficult for a girl who loves you to decide she wants to be with you (although the execution may be difficult).

This won't end well.

It's not about being threatened. Like I said, I know my girl wouldn't even let a guy flirt with her... it's just about respect for someone's relationship. I would never interfere in another person's relationship because there are plenty of women that are single.

[feldy321]

I had a feeling about that. Wow a HUMAN! Thanks Shh. I agree with everything you have typed. I'm still going to back off of her. But seriously, **** this forum advice shit.(Shh not included) The experience sharing is great but **** man the heat that is dropped for asking an honest question is ludicrous.

[feldy321]

I find it amazing that you think all we want to do is ****. We talk about a lot of relevant shit. Politics, World News, Music, tons of random stuff. You act as if you are giving a teenager advice. I am 25 and have a bit of experience with life although I know the lessons never stop. This is a new one to me. We are friends FIRST and always have been. We are there for each other if the other needs helps. That's like saying my best guy friend and I want to **** because i would take a bullet for him also? You are ****ing rude and I hope people who you have posted to weren't soft enough to actually let what you say hurt their feelings, and do some irrational shit.

My favorite quote is that of which my mind came up with.
"No one ever told me life was going to be easy growing up, not one person"

I thought I would seek some outside help. Which I have gotten from a couple in this thread. But your advice has been nothing but rude. "That is all"

[IndiReloaded]

Feldy, if you can *truly* be her friend & not pressure her (even subconsiously) for more, then power to you.

But, like I said, I have direct, long-term experience with this. Its much harder than you think. And I've never slept w/the friend I have this close relationship with. For you, the situation is much more murky.

The fact that you are even ON here, posting this question, says there IS an issue. If there wasn't you wouldn't need to ask, get that?

In my opinion, your (meaning both of you) interactions are likely to have mixed motives. Even if YOU somehow get to a place where you are truly *just* her friend, you can't know for certain how she's feeling.

So, as someone with the most direct experience with this type of problem, here's my advice. Its a choice of two options:

1. Cut contact. If she is truly your friend, she will understand why & it won't be forever. One of two things will happen: you will meet someone else & your romantic feelings for her will either go away (or become completely benign) OR she will break up w/her current BF & you will hear from her & get your shot.

2. Fess up. Completely. In this case, only full, icky, painful disclosure will do the trick. Tell her everything you feel, what you want, why, etc. Put your heart on a plate w/a fork & knife. THEN tell her that, despite all this, you would never disrespect her such that you would do anything to influence her current relationship. At that point, you pull waaay back on the emotional interactions. No long calls, emails, txts, etc. No more being her emotional tampon. You've said your piece, but now the ball is firmly in her court.

I hope this makes sense to you. Good luck.

[feldy321]

Awesome reply. Thank you for that.