My wandering hands at night ruining our relationship

[CAM]

Well you've got me beat, but I don't want to make it a competition. Meaningless sex will be sufficient for me if I can stay focused on working out something real simultaneously; I think meaningless sex removes the motivation though. Urgh.

Yes, reduced motivation...especially if it is really really good meaningless sex.

In the past, I've found myself with some extremely beautiful woman who just wants meaningless sex, but then the woman to whom I am really emotionally attached...well she's not quite as good looking, not quite as willing to do certain things...but, she's really nice, cares about me and is more intellectually connected to reality.

Living proof that God is comedian... Option A (beautiful woman, no future, great sex) or Option B (ordinary woman, long and wonderful future, and okay sex) or Option C (all alone, all alone)

[misombra]

A threesome? Mis, I always thought that you'd be enough woman for any man Why he'd want more, heaven only knows.

lol you and me are thinking about two different kinds of threesomes.

[shh!]

Bahahahahahahaha!

[Tiay]

heh, could be worse, you could be getting up in the middle of the night and eating everything in sight, and not remember any of it the next day. Sleep is a weird, weird thing.

I don't understand what your girlfriends problem is either. I wouldn't mind being groped some more in bed; I strategically put my boyfriends hand on my boob one time when we were spooning. Usually we un-tangle ourselves before we go to sleep to avoid cutting off blood flow to limbs, but he was really tired and went to sleep like that. His hand made all these little grope-like movements, it was great. I guess I wouldn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by it, though.

[anachronistic]

what's it called when you fall asleep embracing, but facing eachother?

[anachronistic]

ofcourse it's better than being awoken in the middle of the night by a splash of ice cold water to the head just because you left the toilet seat up.

[Gigabitch]

what's it called when you fall asleep embracing, but facing eachother?

Um, I dunno- tongs?

[anachronistic]

that would only work if your feet were bound to his.

[CAM]

what's it called when you fall asleep embracing, but facing eachother?

Strange.

I don't like embracing when I sleep.

[CAM]

lol you and me are thinking about two different kinds of threesomes.

Ah, I have a clear vision now.

[directedition]

Wow, tons of useless feedback.

Special thanks to Vashti for linking me to the article on sexsomnia. Of all the places I turned, his post was the most useful. I've collected numerous medical journals on the issue since and hopefully it will convince my girlfriend my actions aren't my own.

Seems to be a theme in the various forums I posted in to have women mention it being kinky. As kinky as it sounds, being woken up constantly, especially when you don't want sex, is very annoying.

Anyway, thanks for the input.

[Tiay]

yeah, I can see how that would get annoying. for the time being, can't you just spoon the other way around? Or even just not spoon at all? Would that work to prevent it, at least work better till you can get some kind of treatment?

me and my bf try not to fall asleep all tangled up because eventually one of us will wake the other up while trying to extract numb limbs, or going to get a cup of water or whatever.

are we an old couple already or what?

[sazzya1987]

I have a serious and embarrassing problem. At night, my hands wander. Specifically, they grope when we spoon. I love my girlfriend and I don't like that my wandering hands make her uncomfortable. It's been even worse now that I realize she doesn't believe it's unconscious. She just tried to break up with me, saying I was treating her like something I own. It took some discussion to realize she was talking about the groping. I tried my best to assure her I don't see her as just a sex object and that I don't want my hands wandering at night. The last thing she said to me was that she needed some time away from me, and I don't know where I stand.

I need help. I HAVE to make it stop. I can't stand the thought that my subconscious might be viewing her a sex object and it's taking over at night, but it's a possibly I have to explore. The simplest solution would be to spoon facing the other direction (which we've done maybe two or three times total) but it's a difficult position for her since I am all of twice her size, and what she likes about spoon is me having my arms around her, making her feel protected.

I don't want to loose her. I love her very much, and this is tearing us both up. What can I do? I want to seek professional help, but I don't know where to turn. A psychiatrist? A sexual therapist? I'm really lost here and really need help.

Now that you know there is a problem you need to catch yourself and control yourself.

[shh!]

Seems to be a theme in the various forums I posted in to have women mention it being kinky. As kinky as it sounds, being woken up constantly, especially when you don't want sex, is very annoying.

Glad you found it useful. BTW - probably a lot of the posters you have spoken to are sex-starved, and therefore imagine that being groped constantly while trying to sleep sounds like a good thing. Those of us with a steady supply know differently.

[directedition]

Oh well, too little too late I guess. She officially broke it off.