18 yr old with a 34 yr old boyfriend

[18dixiegirl]

You shouldn't disregard what he's saying just because he's not saying it in a way that suits YOU. The truth is that moving to be with someone you don't know is dumb. In fact even thinking about it is dumb. But.. at least you're smart enough to listen to what your gut is trying to tell you and you're hear talking it out.

You should be discussing it with your parents now and see if what they say rings a bell with what you've heard here in your thread.

The only reason it is dumb to you or anyone else that has given their opinion on my situation is because you yourself have never been in this position.I do know him.No I havent dated him for 10 years b4 considering moving in with him/for him but I personally dont think you can put a time imit on your feelings like that.I appriciate all of the advice and opinions I have gotten on this because some of the points have really made me think but nobody should judge the situation or call me dumb or stupid for considering it unless they have been there.

[surfhb]

[QUOTE=18dixiegirl;749034]If caring about him makes me stupid then hell yeah im stupid and proud of it!!!Nowhere have I said that im moving with him.The reason I am here is to get advice so I can make that decision!!And posts like this one dont help me make that decision.They only show me how opinionated and "stupid" other peoples opinions can be when it comes to someone elses problems.[/

You came here for advice and opinions correct? I gave you mine and you don't like it? Sorry to tell you but that's of how this forum and life works.

Everyone here is in agreement on this issue.

[surfhb]

The only reason it is dumb to you or anyone else that has given their opinion on my situation is because you yourself have never been in this position.I do know him.No I havent dated him for 10 years b4 considering moving in with him/for him but I personally dont think you can put a time imit on your feelings like that.I appriciate all of the advice and opinions I have gotten on this because some of the points have really made me think but nobody should judge the situation or call me dumb or stupid for considering it unless they have been there.

Oh really??

You think you're the only one who has gone through something like this? Were giving you our opinions based on experience because everyone here has gone through this BS your dealing with right now.

Print out this thread and keep in a safe place.... You will laugh about it in 5 years or so

Btw....I never called you stupid. I put that term in quotes. Do you understand what that means?

[18dixiegirl]

[QUOTE=surfhb;749066]

If caring about him makes me stupid then hell yeah im stupid and proud of it!!!Nowhere have I said that im moving with him.The reason I am here is to get advice so I can make that decision!!And posts like this one dont help me make that decision.They only show me how opinionated and "stupid" other peoples opinions can be when it comes to someone elses problems.[/

You came here for advice and opinions correct? I gave you mine and you don't like it? Sorry to tell you but that's of how this forum and life works.

Everyone here is in agreement on this issue.

You are right.I came here for advice and opinons and you gave yours but just becuse you have an opinion doesnt make it right.Everybody has an opinion and again you are right..I didnt like yours!You didnt give me any advice I could use to make the decision any easier,you judged my situation just like most people here today have done.Are you in a position to judge my situation?Have you ever had a similar problem?If not dont say its stupid because you dont fully understand it.

[18dixiegirl]

Oh really??

You think you're the only one who has gone through something like this? Were giving you our opinions based on experience because everyone here has gone through this BS your dealing with right now.

Print out this thread and keep in a safe place.... You will laugh about it in 5 years or so

Btw....I never called you stupid. I put that term in quotes. Do you understand what that means?

I realize that im not the only one that has gone thru things like this.I know people that have but my problem is each of their situations have turned out differently.Some are happily married now,others are married but not so much happy and others have gotten divorced because just like has been said here today..they found out the other person wasnt who they thought they were.And im taking all of that into consideration.And you say your giving your opinions based on experience?Did you ever consider moving away from your family at 18 for someone 10+ years older than you?

[surfhb]

[QUOTE=18dixiegirl;749072]

You are right.I came here for advice and opinons and you gave yours but just becuse you have an opinion doesnt make it right.Everybody has an opinion and again you are right..I didnt like yours!You didnt give me any advice I could use to make the decision any easier,you judged my situation just like most people here today have done.Are you in a position to judge my situation?Have you ever had a similar problem?If not dont say its stupid because you dont fully understand it.

Lets break this down so you understand:


1. Why would you think my opinion is law. You don't understand the definition of the word if that's the case.

2. I did give you useful advice. You just didnt like it or the way I presented it.

In fact, at this point , I say do it! Find out for yourself. I really hope it works out....if not you'll be a stronger person in the end.

3. Of course ive been through something like this! I'm 40 years old. Followed a girl to northern california when i was 20 so we could be in love and she could go to school. Dumbest thing i ever did.

Personally I don't give a flying ****k what you do but don't come here asking for advice then complain about that advice or how it was presented.

[18dixiegirl]

[QUOTE=surfhb;749079]

Lets break this down so you understand:


1. Why would you think my opinion is law. You don't understand the definition of the word if that's the case.

2. I did give you useful advice. You just didnt like it or the way I presented it.

In fact, at this point , I say do it! Find out for yourself. I really hope it works out....if not you'll be a stronger person in the end.

3. Of course ive been through something like this! I'm 40 years old. Followed a girl to northern california when i was 20 so we could be in love and she could go to school. Dumbest thing i ever did.

Personally I don't give a flying ****k what you do but don't come here asking for advice then complain about that advice or how it was presented.

Personally I dont give a flying ***k what you think.But you did respond to this and gave your opinion and you say you gave advice but I must have missed that.No I didnt like your opinion and dont know what I said for you to be an asshole about things but you are.But all im saying is that just because you has a bad experience with somethin like this doesnt mean that I will.Oh and im not complaining about the advice and opinions I have gotten..like I said I really appriciate it but I didnt get on here to be criticized for my relationship and the fact that I am considering moving to be with him.The more I hear the more im thinking tha moving may not be a good idea but again you are right I will find out for myself in the end.

[surfhb]

Do you think I'm yelling a you? You have thin skin if you think im aN asshole. I never called you dumb or stupid. How many more smiley faces do I need to post?

My advice was : Don't do it..... Based on experience and based on millions if other people who have been in this same situation.

You've obviously made up youR mind....good luck

[18dixiegirl]

Do you think I'm yelling a you? You have thin skin if you think im aN asshole. I never called you dumb or stupid. How many more smiley faces do I need to post?

My advice was : Don't do it..... Based on experience and based on millions if other people who have been in this same situation.

You've obviously made up youR mind....good luck

Well thank you for your advice but no I havent made up my mind just yet.

[rafterman]

I dont think you know the difference between good advice and being judged and your age is definately showing. I'm going to hazard a guess your a bit upset because we did'nt tell you what you wanted hear.
If you dont want an honest answer, then dont post your thread here........

[Vanity]

16 years apart, holy hell, I thought I was pushing it dating a boy 5 years older than me. >_<

Sorry hon, but I'm going to have to agree with everyone else here.

First of all, he is middle aged dating a a girl just out of adolescence. I feel hypocritical saying this because I am 17 and dating a 22 year old, but it's kinda creepy...I know you say you know him, but you have only known him what 5 months? You can't possibly know everything about a person in 5 months.

Secondly, he took your virginity after dating you for only a month. I know you said it was your idea, but a responsible adult would have turned you down, you know seeing as he is 16 years older than you. Makes me question his character and intentions.

Lastly, a smart girl like you should be going on to college, not moving in with a man you have only been with for a month. If you love him, fine, but for gods sake don't move in with this man. If he really cares about you too and isn't using you for sex (which I feel he might be doing) then he will respect your choice and won't mind giving a long distance relationship a shot.

[Wakeup]

The only reason it is dumb to you or anyone else that has given their opinion on my situation is because you yourself have never been in this position.I do know him.No I havent dated him for 10 years b4 considering moving in with him/for him but I personally dont think you can put a time imit on your feelings like that.I appriciate all of the advice and opinions I have gotten on this because some of the points have really made me think but nobody should judge the situation or call me dumb or stupid for considering it unless they have been there.

Darl'n I moved in with my now hubby (of 30 years) before we were married but I dated him for three years before we did it. This is not about feelings and how we gauge yours. This is about you not even knowing if this man is an abuser or a serial killer for that matter and you're consdering going to live with him after knowing OF him for 4 months and then just actually dating him for ONE month. YOU. DONT. KNOW. HIM. or what he's really like. Don't put yourself in a position where you have to rely on him and his money and total control is all I for one am saying. This is not about feelings, it's about common sense.

Your situation is not unique. Far too many people move in with someone before they know who that person really is and they end up regretting it when they see what kind of person they actually are.

@ Vanity... you may only be 17 but you're very mature and it sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders.

[18dixiegirl]

I dont think you know the difference between good advice and being judged and your age is definately showing. I'm going to hazard a guess your a bit upset because we did'nt tell you what you wanted hear.
If you dont want an honest answer, then dont post your thread here........

Nope im not a bit upset.I appriciate all of the advice but as for good advice some of it has been and some of it has been people just judging the situation...and I do know the difference btw.You are the one that is replying to this.Im not asking you to so if you dont like what I have to say you dont have to keep coming back and reading it.

[18dixiegirl]

Darl'n I moved in with my now hubby (of 30 years) before we were married but I dated him for three years before we did it. This is not about feelings and how we gauge yours. This is about you not even knowing if this man is an abuser or a serial killer for that matter and you're consdering going to live with him after knowing OF him for 4 months and then just actually dating him for ONE month. YOU. DONT. KNOW. HIM. or what he's really like. Don't put yourself in a position where you have to rely on him and his money and total control is all I for one am saying. This is not about feelings, it's about common sense.

Your situation is not unique. Far too many people move in with someone before they know who that person really is and they end up regretting it when they see what kind of person they actually are.

@ Vanity... you may only be 17 but you're very mature and it sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders.

Again I appriciate your advice and it has really helped me make my decision so thank you.I have common sense btw this is just a situation I have never been in b4 and didnt really know what to do.

[Vanity]

Vanity... you may only be 17 but you're very mature and it sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders.

Well, thank you =)

You are the one that is replying to this.Im not asking you to so if you dont like what I have to say you dont have to keep coming back and reading it.

When you posted this thread you asked for advice and that is what he gave you, or rather tried to give you.

Honestly though, if you have to ask what you should do, then you are really not ready for it. Just my opinion though. Hope things work out for you.