boyfriend's ego

[valhensing]

The fact you find it hard to confront him about this shows a major issue in your relationship.

You're right, i shouldnt find it hard to confront him. I just think if i confront him too much and arguing too much, it'll ruin the relationship as well...

[mrtdg82]

You're right, i shouldnt find it hard to confront him. I just think if i confront him too much and arguing too much, it'll ruin the relationship as well...

Yes but leaving it how it is and not saying anything will also ruin the relationship. At least by talking to him you are attempting to make it better.

You have 3 options

A - Leave it how it is and continue to not be happy in the hope that it will change
B - Leave him entirely
C - Talk to him and try and make it better.

At least with C you are making an effort, if that fails you know that at least you have tried but its time to move on.

[valhensing]

it isnt like i dont make an effort to talk to him. It just turns sour and after sometime, you know how it going to turn out and avoid it. Dont want to keep talking about st that makes my bf feel uncomfortable.

And we just had a talk...his reaction is just to listent and ask "are you done yet". I think he know like me it's going to turn sour if we argue. My reaction is not to talk about it, mybf's is to not reply to it. We are quite similar...

So what i said is about him being more active socially: soccer with friends, doing gym... just st beside game. Did mention about "god helps those help themselves"... I said i dont need him to have a job but dont have a job is killing him...

I think he thinks there is nothing for him to do and i'm badmouthing the only thing that helps him feel better

[BoredGeorge]

Your a young up and coming career woman. I say you should not have this negativity in your life. Dump that zero - and get yourself a hero ! You go girl !

[BoredGeorge]

so everybody know how the argument between me and my bf's going. He thinks i'm not qualified to talk about it beause it's easier for me to take a job, i dont have the right to tell him to just take a job which pay less than mine, i'm guilting him etc

hhmmm seems familiar. I sometimes hate having to be right. I can go back to being positive george, or we can discuss ways to solve this. The choice is yours. Remember when you are dealing with another person their perception counts as reality for how you will deal with them.

[valhensing]

hhmmm seems familiar. I sometimes hate having to be right. I can go back to being positive george, or we can discuss ways to solve this. The choice is yours. Remember when you are dealing with another person their perception counts as reality for how you will deal with them.

sometimes hate having to be right -> are you listening to yourself?

I can go back to being positive george, or we can discuss ways to solve this. -> what way are you suggesting? I would love to hear your supposely "working" way.

@BoredGeorge: i tolerate you isnt because you're right. I'm listening to you because you are telling me what my bf is not telling me. And i think they're wrong.

PS: i check my student loan... it's ways beyond me to pay it if i go back my country. would take 1 or 2 years here to get the money to pay for it...

[valhensing]

so we had another talk.

he has been playing game non-stop and even play over night. His average sleeping is once per 2 days.

My father passed away this May, he was sick since i was 10. He had this sickness where his brain cells die at an accelerated rate since he was 40 years old. You cant even imagine how his sickness developed and the toll it has on our family.

Whenever i see my bf playing game over night and not sleeping enough, i could feel his brain cells dying. I could see myself in the future with a husband my mother had. I'm a strong person but I could not live like that so i had a talk with my bf.

His reaction was: what do you have to talk about now.
I told him the truth, my father passed away and i dont want to see him sick like that. I offered my friends that he could talk to, he refused. I told him to talk to his father, he refused. I'm so desperate, i told my bf he needs help, he cant go on like this. He said that's y he want to go back. I was so close to tear that i said cant you push through it to stay here with me. He said he cant. If he stays, this will be all that he does.

I'm sad and crying when i write this post. I'm sad for how i've ruined my bf life, i'm sad for letting thing goes this way, i'm sad because there isnt any future for us, i'm sad that i dont even have anybody in real life to share this with. I have absolutely nobody...

[BoredGeorge]

If he wants to leave let him go, there will be others. It is not your place to convince him to stay. (btw I replied to you PM)

[Sanctuary]

Talk to his parents and his friends and get all of them together at the same time one day to sit down and have a talk with him. As much as he won't appreciate it, it seems like he needs an intervention.

I agree with everything MVPlaya said and if all else fails, you should really consider leaving the guy.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

On another note, George isn't that bad once you realize the things he says are kinda funny cuz they're so wacky. Sometimes I'm not even sure if he's trying to be a character or actually being serious.

[IndiReloaded]

eerrm how do you get to executive level hmmm ?

You start out doing admin and/or support stuff, you go to middle management then you become an executive.

You might think this but typically, no, this is not how it works. Most middle managers are not executive material. Most execs are recruited or come on as consultants who then decide to take on a more permanent role in the company.

[Henry123]

Your bf sounds like a dead beat.

You know I was about to say those exact words befor I read your post.

[valhensing]

You might think this but typically, no, this is not how it works. Most middle managers are not executive material. Most execs are recruited or come on as consultants who then decide to take on a more permanent role in the company.

So i'm interested in this kind of thing. Where does the execs come from? they was middle manageers from other companies? Consultants before hired?
(totally off topic but just for my infomation..)

[Sanctuary]

So i'm interested in this kind of thing. Where does the execs come from? they was middle manageers from other companies? Consultants before hired?
(totally off topic but just for my infomation..)

I think that generally, executive positions are filled from within an organization by promoting experienced middle managers. When they can't find anyone that they feel is qualified, then they start hiring from other companies.

I'm not sure how often a consultant would get hired to permanently fill an executive role but I think that would be kinda rare.

[IndiReloaded]

I think that generally, executive positions are filled from within an organization by promoting experienced middle managers. When they can't find anyone that they feel is qualified, then they start hiring from other companies.

I'm not sure how often a consultant would get hired to permanently fill an executive role but I think that would be kinda rare.

I'm speaking from experience. It happens quite a lot. Talent is where you find it, and since consultants usually command higher rates than salaried employees, its usually more a problem of getting them to stick around. It also depends what you mean by executive position. There are plenty of 'execs' that are nothing more than middle managers with a larger title. I've known vice-presidents of small companies whose job description isn't more than a glorified admin/HR manager.

Its true if one can't find qualified people from within then one recruits externally, tho that's usually a bad sign of management not to have talent rising. One doesn't hire directly from other companies, tho. Direct poaching of the sort you describe is very bad business and gives a firm a reputation that inevitably causes problems. That's what headhunter services are for.

[valhensing]

gosh! how is it that people get headhunted? Headhunter service? Those are recruitment firm right?