A guy in need of advice - girls who kiss a lot of random guys?

[lalalita]

It's honestly none of your business how many people a potential partner has kissed. She divulged this information. What happens when you meet the next girl? Are you going to ask how many men she's kissed? Jerked off? Slept with? Prepare for no woman worth their weight to answer that question. It's weird and sexual past in none of your business.

[michelle23]

There's nothing to end with this girl because I didn't start anything in the first place. Also, I did not ask her how may guys she kissed, the conversation simply led to that. I am also one for monogamous relationships, so yeah. I don't mind kissing someone because you like them, but 30 guys by age 20 is way too high a number. And I don't want to debate how appropriate that number would be if she was older, that's a stupid discussion.

bulrush: I've already told this to someone before, and I'll say it to you as well. I'm not judgmental, I'm different in the way I think. Intimacy is not something I share with everyone I meet, it's something I only share with someone I really like. And no, I have no anxiety disorder. I'm different in the way I think, and I don't want to be with a girl who sticks her tongue in everyone's mouth. I don't care if someone does that, I'm not standing in anyone's way or telling anyone what to do and how to do it. However, this issue to me personally, is one of self respect and integrity. Maybe it's not for some, but for me it is.

Also, as far as this girl is concerned, she said herself she only goes out and kisses guys she likes. So basically, there were like 30 guys she liked and kissed, but for some reason she was unable to start a relationship with any of them. If you're saying you met 30 guys you liked enough to kiss them, but could not have a relationship with any of them, then that means she is either looking for flings (and I am not interested in flings) or she has huge issues bonding with a person on an emotional level. In any case, I'm looking for a relationship and not flings, and she can't give me what I'm looking for. The only thing I could be to her is number 31. And I certainly won't stoop that low.

Most teenagers dont know who they are or what they want. We learn what our values are as we mature and grow and things change. When I was younger a kiss wasn't a big deal. It was just a kiss. But now it means more to me. If I was single I wouldnt kiss someone unless I had feelings for them.

I think you are making way too big a deal of this. Shes a virgin which most guys think is great. A 20 year old girl who has saved herself for someone special. Maybe when she kissed those 30 guys-she was looking for that special connection but didnt feel it which is why she is still a virgin.

Honestly leave the girl alone so she can find a guy who sees how special she is and how much self respect she has

[Confused367]

Lalalita: No, I will simply look for an inexperienced girl, that's it. It's not that hard. And yes, I will ask certain questions for sure. If she is bothered by it, then it's her problem. If I am to engage in sex with any girl, I want to know who she is in that regard.

michelle23: I talked to this girl the other night and she said herself that she has problems bonding with someone. I asked her directly why there was never a relationship between her and those guys. She told me directly that she has issues with relationships.

Another thing that I find unbelievable is how some people in this thread can say this girl is looking for someone special. It's obvious she is looking either for a fling or has issues. You can't tell me that there were 30 guys she apparently liked, and always ran away from a relationship. And then you say she's looking for someone special. What a bunch of bull****. It's obvious she either does not want one, or has issues with having a relationship with someone. And she told me just the other night that she does have a problem with that. And I was right all along about her being the problem in this whole thing, she admitted it herself. I understand that a promiscuous person will defend another promiscuous person, just like a lot of people in this thread are defending this girl (before you say "But she's a virgin, how can she be promiscuous?", take into account that promiscuity for me is a state of mind, NOT how many people you have slept with). I know people will step in to defend their own kind, but that doesn't scare me.

Also, this girl gets drunk and kisses random guys so yeah, not much self respect there, as far as I am concerned. And to me personally, these things are definitely connected with self respect and integrity. If someone thinks they are not, fine by me. But my opinion is that they are. If you disagree, well, you disagree. That's also fine by me.

[searock]

Confused, just because this particular woman has issues with relationships doesn't mean that all the people who like to sleep around do. It's basic logic, you can't prove a general rule by providing a limited number of examples.

Also, it is very common for people to sleep around when they are young and then to settle down. So yes, it is actually perfectly plausible for a person that only wanted flings before to want something more serious later on in their life.

It's fine if you want to be a judgmental prick, just don't lie to yourself by saying that you aren't.

[Confused367]

I was talking only about this particular girl, not every girl out there. And I know that not every girl who sleeps around a lot is incapable of committing. And no, I'm not a judgmental prick, my mindset towards intimacy is simply different from yours, and I'm simply looking for a girl with a similar mindset, that's all.

Edit: I also know it is common for some people to sleep around for some time and then settle down. I'm aware of this. I live on this planet, ya know

[searock]

Well by saying that those who have sex with people they aren't in a relationship with have no integrity, you are being judgmental. It would be simply having a different opinion if you didn't try to assign moral characteristics to people based on their sexual history.

I mean, as I've said before, it's perfectly ok to not want to date someone more experienced than you, someone that has slept with people outside of a relationship, someone that likes to brush their teeth only late at night, whatever. But you are actually judging the people that do by saying that they lack integrity and self respect.

[michelle23]

I agree with OP that people who sleep around lack self respect. And if he wants a girl more like him who shares his values, I don't see anything wrong with that. I just think obsessing over every little thing shes ever done before you-is only going to hurt the relationship. Most people dont even ask how many people their partner has kissed or care.. I just think you are focusing too much on the wrong things if your looking for love OP.

Its more important to establish trust and compatibility. Your looking for the relationship type who has self respect and someone you can trust. To establish that-you dont need to know everything about her past

[Confused367]

searock: Heey, I like to brush my teeth only late at night, what's wrong with that? Don't get me wrong, but when I see a girl drunk off her ass who can barely walk anymore, and she's sticking her tongue in some random guy's mouth, I can't help but think that she has zero dignity. I understand you wanna kiss a guy you like. That's fine by me. But I don't understand when people get drunk and make out with random guys. For the love of god, at least get to know the person you're kissing a bit better. Everything else is fine. I'm just the kind of person who wants to establish an emotional connection with someone I wanna kiss, I couldn't kiss a girl with whom I have no connection in this regard. To me it's about emotional fulfilment, not fun. I couldn't kiss or sleep with a girl for fun. It's just not in me.

michelle23: Hey, thanks for the support I do ask because I am looking for an inexperienced girl like me who shares my values. I can't know if she's inexperienced if I don't ask right? I'm not looking for a number or anything, but I just want a girl that's like me in that regard. In my case, I have to ask a few questions, it's not like I care about the number. But if the number is abnormally large, then my answer would certainly be no, even if I like her. That mentality and mindset does not sit with me. Like you said, it's also about compatibility. Physical attraction is nice and good, but there's more than that to any relationship. If her mindset is totally off and we're not on the same wavelength, physical attraction can't make up for that.

[searock]

when I see a girl drunk off her ass who can barely walk anymore, and she's sticking her tongue in some random guy's mouth, I can't help but think that she has zero dignity.

I thought we were talking about sober adults choosing to engage in casual sex with other sober adults that they like, even outside of a relationship, with both of them knowing that it's just casual sex and nothing more.

Getting drunk to the point of being unable to even know what you are doing is a whole different story.

However, in this case age plays a big part. People in their late teens and early twenties are more likely to "party" and get drunk and do stupid things. Most of those who do stop doing it once they grow up. So if a 20 year old girl is drunk and kissing random dudes, it doesn't mean that in a few years' time she won't settle down, stop getting drunk and kissing random dudes.

[Confused367]

Yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention drunk kissing. And yeah I know a good number of teens do it, as well as some in their 20s and so on. However, I think most people don't do it from what I can tell. But still, I really wouldn't want to be with a girl like that because that mentality is simply not something I like in a girl.

[HDBadger]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned: Because she's randomly made out with a lot of people, the chances she has been exposed to herpes simplex are much, much higher. No, it's not a STD, but getting cold sores the rest of your life is definitely something to consider.

Two, what matters here is what you find compatible with your views. This girl doesn't fit with you want. As far as I'm concerned, that's the end of the thread. A lot of the other posters here are just stomping their feet because they, too, have made out with a lot of guys, and don't like the idea a man would disqualify them for that.

If this girl doesn't fit with what you want, then find one who does.

[searock]

I understand, it's perfectly reasonable. Just don't assume that she will ALWAYS be a silly teen-early20s... people grow up and grow out of it. For now, since you are only 20, stick to girls that don't do that even in these young-and-stupid years :-).

[chinagirl]

Two, what matters here is what you find compatible with your views. This girl doesn't fit with you want. As far as I'm concerned, that's the end of the thread. A lot of the other posters here are just stomping their feet because they, too, have made out with a lot of guys, and don't like the idea a man would disqualify them for that.

If this girl doesn't fit with what you want, then find one who does.

^^^ This exactly. You should be able to find a girl around your age who is smart, decent and not promiscuous. They are out there. You just need to be patient and find the right one for you.

You know what you want, stick with it.

[searock]

A lot of the other posters here are just stomping their feet because they, too, have made out with a lot of guys, and don't like the idea a man would disqualify them for that.

Dunno about the others (don't think so - by the way, I'm pretty sure that people who have kissed or had sex with other people while not in a relationship wouldn't want to be with someone that deems them morally inferior because of it), but as far as I'm concerned, I just don't like his hypocrisy. He says that he's not judgmental and is open minded, but then proceeds to assign moral characteristics to people based solely on their sexual history. That's judgmental.

I've said numerous times that all that matters is that he finds a girl that is compatible with what he wants. He wants an inexperienced girl, that's perfectly fine. He should write it on his profile, it would give him better chances. The thread would have been over ages ago if he didn't keep saying that people who engage in casual sex lack moral integrity and self respect.

[michelle23]

But searock that is his opinion and hes entitled to it. My bf thinks the same way (not as extreme but hed never go near a girl who sleeps around etc-its not his type and hes not like that either).

If OP was a player who used and abused women and then turned around and said those women have no morals or self respect-then I would be the first person here to cut throat but hes not like that and hes allowed to have an opinion just like you are.

Sex is personal to some people (me included) and I don't have much respect for people who will do it with just anyone