Is it 'okay' to seek a sex partner if spouse is forever severely disabled/incapable

[1averagejoe]

God gave us hands so that we could fulfill our sexual needs.

Ironically the bible says it's better to cut your hands off then to masturbate...I'm catholic and honestly think that's a bit extreme.

But anyways back on subject. I honestly don't know what I would do in a situation like that. I still have trouble just picturing myself married to someone let alone in a situation like that. So my vote goes to maybe.

[shh!]

I didn't say *I* would seek a lover (I don't know if I would or not; it probably depends on what stage of life I was in); I said I wouldn't mind if my husband did.

[Cain]

I think that anyone that would be willing to seek a partner didn't truly love their partner.

[anachronistic]

I had a family member go through a trauma like this. Their spouse was hooked up to a machine for months, it seemed hopeless. Sometimes I had to be there for them. They were considering filing the divorce and everything, but instead, they stuck it through.

You know what would have happened if he had done that? He'd no longer be welcome in the family.

But he didn't do that. He stuck through the rough times. And now his spouse is off the machine, and recovering. Can you imagine how she would have felt if he would have gone through with that?

Sometimes I wonder if some of you even really love the person you share your relationship with, just because of something you say on here. I personally don't believe in the whole idea of marriage. But you give me a person who I can really love with all my heart, and I will be there for them until they pass away, without cheating or anything.

Do you have what it takes?

[Mish]

I would find some way to do it with her even if my partner was severely disabled. If I was severely disabled I would expect her to do the same.

[shh!]

I believe that would be illegal in the US (and honestly, disgusting too). If a person in comatose, they are unable to consent, and having sex with them is called rape. It would be like having sex with a corpse. As a nurse, if I found someone humping my comatose/vegetative patient, I'd definitely have them arrested, regardless of their previous relationship. No one is "entitled" to have sex with anyone else without their continual consent. Really mish, I hope you only said that because you don't understand what it means when a person is in that condition, because if you did, you would understand why saying such a thing is so disturbing.

And wing... a couple of months is one thing. Many years is quite another. I can't imagine *anyone* running out in the first couple of months to look for sex. They are usually still sitting at the hospital all the time at that point. I'm talking about a chronic condition, not a temporary one.

[starbuck]

I think that anyone that would be willing to seek a partner didn't truly love their partner.

If something like that ever happened to a partner I was in love with, I'd probably be so devasted I wouldn't even be able to think about sex for years. I just don't think I can really give an answer when not in those shoes. I don't think it's that black and white.

[Lipp]

Personally I don't think that I would have a problem with it, but only if the partner agrees to it.
Guess it depends on how much you cherish the sanctity of marriage yada yada, but if I would be married and would myself have such a disability I think that I would agree to it as it would bring my partner happiness and because I find it to be far better when controlled rather than finding out that she'd be sleeping with people on the side.

[anachronistic]

And wing... a couple of months is one thing. Many years is quite another. I can't imagine *anyone* running out in the first couple of months to look for sex. They are usually still sitting at the hospital all the time at that point. I'm talking about a chronic condition, not a temporary one.

Well, when you are put in a situation like that, you begin to ask yourself if that is really what you want. I wasn't saying this guy was desperate to have sex or anything.

Why do we put people on machines for *years*? Why do we put people on machines at all?

[shh!]

Patients in a persistant vegetative state do not require machines to keep them alive... just feeding tubes, and those are used on all kinds of people to prevent starvation. These patients are not as deeply unconscious as people that are comatose. You aren't advocating they be killed, are you?

[anachronistic]

Patients in a persistant vegetative state do not require machines to keep them alive... just feeding tubes, and those are used on all kinds of people to prevent starvation. They are not as deeply unconscious as people that are comatose. You aren't advocating they be killed, are you?

Well I don't know a whole lot about the hospital scene. I am a little for euthanasia, but in some cases, not really. Hey, put me in that position, where I am in the bed, I'd ask them to pull the plug.

[fCukl0vee]

The problem I have with this situation is that by marrying someone, you're committing yourself to that one person, no matter what happens. Cheating is cheating. Luckily for us, God gave us hands so that we could fulfill our sexual needs. Women can practically shove anything up that hole of theirs and get off.. and now men have those nifty little Fleshlights.

The point is, it's still cheating. I would never leave my girl if she was disabled and I certainly wouldn't seek another partner. Then again, my relationship isn't based solely on sex.

LOL please.. quit the angel act cos u and i both know thats a load of garbage.
It really depends on the circumstances. how old u are.. how long u've been married.. age of the kids..

If you've been with them for decades and in ur 40's and 50's, most people would probably stay faithful and take care of them. i noe i would.. but if ur in ur early 20's and have ur whole life ahead of u its a whole different story.

Sure it isn't always about the sex, but remember ur partner can no longer communicate with u, support u etc.
Eventually u will lose feelings for them and when someone comes along; someone better, someone u can have fun with, someone you're able to talk to, have sex with etc, you will give in because eventually you'll realise ur wasting ur time, it may be unethical but u only live once.

it's easy to say when ur not in that situation.

[Mish]

I believe that would be illegal in the US (and honestly, disgusting too). If a person in comatose, they are unable to consent, and having sex with them is called rape.

I do believe you're talking out of your ass, ---if you are referring to me

I didn't say "sex" and I didn't say if they were "comatose". Don't make up stories.

[shh!]

I do believe you're talking out of your ass, ---if you are referring to me

I didn't say "sex" and I didn't say if they were "comatose". Don't make up stories.

Shut up, you liar. You WERE talking about sex, and you made it sound as though she has no choice. The rest of the board was talking about comatose people.

[Mish]

Shut up, you liar. You WERE talking about sex. The rest of the board was talking about comatose people.

You dumbass (with over active imagination). I wasn't talking about sex or comatose people. I was talking about finding a way of "doing it with her" (Note wide sphere of interpretations of what "doing it" actually is) even if she was severly disabled (i.e. maybe without mobility or loss of one limb, but still very conscious)

Don't put words into my mouth (or letters into my posts) biayetch.