How to solve/handle this disagreement?

[Wakeup]

"Nuther" is not a word.

Thank you Captain Obvious!

[bulrush]

I will say something like "Babe, i just feel hurt and unnapreciated when you ___.. I wish that sometimes you would just ___" His response will ALWAYS be "Babe, you are just been so stupid, you need to smarten up.. Or Babe, i love you dont be silly".
Then il act all cute and innocent and loving, he responds much better to this way. Il sit on him, kiss his face and kind of as you say try to strategize my way through to getting him to talk to me. But as soon as talking starts he pushes me away.

He diverted the conversation, and you didn't stand up for yourself here. You need to stick with your goal of talking about issues that bother you, and solving them. Besides, he called you stupid, which is not appropriate. If you love someone you don't call them names. Pet names maybe, like "Schnookums", but not mean names.

i see that shouldnt be doing everything the way he wants it. My best friend is always preaching about how i shouldnt be a pushover to him

Not quite true. The issue here is about balance. If you do everything he wants, and he gives little back, there is an imbalance, and you will feel shorted and angry/frustrated/bitter. If you BOTH meet each others' needs, then there is balance, and a positive relationship.

OP, you know how people will tell you things that hurt you, but when you think about them, you know they are right?

Well, you are have pretty thin skin, and you don't stand up for what you want or need. You will be unhappy until you change that. A good relationship means BOTH people get what they need, and compromise is usually involved.

[HereComesTheSun]

Well, he's just proved to you that the only value he has for you is what you can do for him. Let him sit on the back boiler for a while while he gets a cab to work every single day and maybe he'll appreciate how good you were to him and stop taking you for granted.

Why do you want him in your life Herecomesthesun? What loving actions does he show you that would prove that he is worth wanting to be with? Why do you want him? Why do you think it's okay for your daughter to see you upset and catering to the ungrateful whims of an asshole?

Thats what i told him today, that last night and this morning showed me exactly what i was worrying about.. He then pretty much told me how annoying i am to be around, how he cant be with me anymore and would be much happier without me.. It hurt..a lot. I have never felt so taken advantage of in my life. I ignored him the rest of the day.. now i am receiving texts to see if he can come see me, that he didnt mean anything he said and was just angry at me for saying that he was using me.

I just cannot get through to him, no matter how hard i try, i cant explain to him what my problem is. I tried the 'I' tactics and he just said im being stupid and needy. I just dont know how else to do it, i dont know how to help him understand what is making me so unhappy. I cant be with him until he agrees to sit down and talk to me about everything.. i cannot give in this time..

I told him i couldnt do this anymore without him listening to me, and he said he knows i am going to see somebody else while i can and if i leave it for the night and not see him, he doesnt want anything to do with me :/ Im worried he means it.. When i just want him to realise and value what i do for him. I cant say how this is going to plan out anymore, i would have said we could hold on and work through it. But i have never been so unsure of being with him since i met him.

When i think about it, i dont know why i feel the need to be with him. He doesnt help me in any way, he doesnt make me feel a better person.. Being with him is making me feel cowardly.. That i dont have the guts to stand up for myself and get what i know i deserve.

[HereComesTheSun]

He diverted the conversation, and you didn't stand up for yourself here. You need to stick with your goal of talking about issues that bother you, and solving them. Besides, he called you stupid, which is not appropriate. If you love someone you don't call them names. Pet names maybe, like "Schnookums", but not mean names.


Not quite true. The issue here is about balance. If you do everything he wants, and he gives little back, there is an imbalance, and you will feel shorted and angry/frustrated/bitter. If you BOTH meet each others' needs, then there is balance, and a positive relationship.

OP, you know how people will tell you things that hurt you, but when you think about them, you know they are right?

Well, you are have pretty thin skin, and you don't stand up for what you want or need. You will be unhappy until you change that. A good relationship means BOTH people get what they need, and compromise is usually involved.

Its easier said than done to find balance between the both of us. I feel i do a lot for him. I do, i know i do. Everybody sees what i do for him. My partner doesnt really do anything for ME other than sex. Yes i love him, i love being with him. He does make me laugh and we can have a good time together and he does make me happy in a funny sort of way. I like having him around, he once helped me drive in the snow for the first time.
But lately not so much, he wont come visit me unless he has a ride. If he does, its too late and we go straight to bed. It makes me feel used..

How can i show him that my needs are not being met, that my feelings are been hurt without him flying off the handle about how much he does for me and how much of a needy b*tch i am? I feel stupid having to keep trying to bring it up and try talk to him..

Like..FFS i just want to enjoy my time being with him. For us to be happy in this relationship. I want to make him happy.. I just want him to do the same for me as i would for him and its impossible for him to understand. He thinks he does sooooo much for me.. And it may sound mean. But i dont see what he does. I feel so f*cking FRUSTRATED!!!!!!

[Wakeup]

Thats what i told him today, that last night and this morning showed me exactly what i was worrying about.. He then pretty much told me how annoying i am to be around, how he cant be with me anymore and would be much happier without me.. It hurt..a lot. I have never felt so taken advantage of in my life. I ignored him the rest of the day.. now i am receiving texts to see if he can come see me, that he didnt mean anything he said and was just angry at me for saying that he was using me.

I just cannot get through to him, no matter how hard i try, i cant explain to him what my problem is. I tried the 'I' tactics and he just said im being stupid and needy. I just dont know how else to do it, i dont know how to help him understand what is making me so unhappy. I cant be with him until he agrees to sit down and talk to me about everything.. i cannot give in this time..

I told him i couldnt do this anymore without him listening to me, and he said he knows i am going to see somebody else while i can and if i leave it for the night and not see him, he doesnt want anything to do with me :/ Im worried he means it.. When i just want him to realise and value what i do for him. I cant say how this is going to plan out anymore, i would have said we could hold on and work through it. But i have never been so unsure of being with him since i met him.

When i think about it, i dont know why i feel the need to be with him. He doesnt help me in any way, he doesnt make me feel a better person.. Being with him is making me feel cowardly.. That i dont have the guts to stand up for myself and get what i know i deserve.

Why are you so afraid to be without him? Do you not have a life outside of him? Respect yourself and be more concerned about what your daughter is learning when she watches you and this taker/user/asshole verbally and emotionally abuse her mother.

I hope when you next come back online you won't tell us that you gave into his manipulative demands. You and your daughter deserve better than what you're embroiled in.

[HereComesTheSun]

Why are you so afraid to be without him? Do you not have a life outside of him? Respect yourself and be more concerned about what your daughter is learning when she watches you and this taker/user/asshole verbally and emotionally abuse her mother.

I hope when you next come back online you won't tell us that you gave into his manipulative demands. You and your daughter deserve better than what you're embroiled in.

I think i am mostly afraid of being alone to be honest, im fearful of going to work, coming home, doing my duties then being left alone when my daughter goes to bed.. I dont really know what to do with myself when hes not around. Something i realise i need to work on.
Also, when we are not together he seems to have this amazing life, friends always over at his house.. Whereas i have responsibilties and it just isnt like that for me. So maybe even a little bit of jealousy also..
I didnt give in to his demands. I had a nice visit with my mum and sister.. My sister is going to come stay with me a few nights to keep me company
This is going to be an ongoing battle to leave him though, i might be feeling on the edge okay about things now.. but i know in a few days im going to be devastated.

[MerryH]

Who Fvcking cares.......you get the point, you meat head. Get a life

Are you upset because I mocked you for getting trolled in that other thread? I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.



OP, good luck with everything.

[mwahahaha]

What kind of razor did he use for his sack? Ive been looking for a good one for a while now, last time i did it , i nearly lost a ball, lol.

[rafterman]

Seriously, hearts can make really stupid decisions. Hearts have no common sense. They are basically retarded. Your brain is a better judge. Use your brain.

LOL...I had to laugh at this.....Yes everyone remove your hearts. Completely over-rated. Its not as if your brain requires blood. Obviously yours does'nt MerryH. Too funny......Semper Fi.....Peace out.