The age old question: men with girlfriends and porn : please help

[dickriculous]

I was just giving my personal opinion based on the people I speak to on THIS forum. I have noticed people in general from the US on here have an entirely different attitude towards sex than where I am from.

If my posts have anything to do with this, you should know that my views on sex do not represent the norm here in America. My views are more lax than probably those of 95% of Americans. And even considering that I do not believe it is ok for men to cheat, nor do I believe you should go out and **** anything with a pulse (I believe it's not my place to tell you to do so or not to do so), and I do not believe you should sleep with as many as possible while single (again, I believe it's not my place to tell you to do so or not to do so). Considering the facts that A) I do not believe these things, and B) My views on sex are more lax than the norm, I don't see where you're getting these ideas about America.

I mean, really, we're not even that liberal when it comes to sex. It was only a decade ago when we flew into this nation wide moral crisis over a boob being exposed at the superbowl. That was bigger news than the fukking Boston Marathon bombing that went down earlier this year. Hardly the mentality of a sexually liberal society. Someone who comes over here from a place like Germany, Spain, Japan, etc. would be shocked at how repressed we are by comparison

[Ginger2013]

I know my bf watches porn, I do too. We haven't got to the point of watching it together yet, but I'm sure we will. We have an exciting sex life. He has trouble with keeping an erection, and I know this helps him in that department. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it doesn't interfere with your sex life. There's no way you can compete with porn stars who are photoshopped and or plastic surgeried up and who scream with pleasure for their salaries, so don't even make it a self-esteem issue. It's just a fantasy. Maybe he gets ideas for the bedroom that could actually enhance things, I know my bf does and I don't complain.

Of course if he starts to prefer masturbating to porn over having sex with you, then of course that's something to have issue with.

[Valixy]

Someone who comes over here from a place like Germany, Spain, Japan, etc. would be shocked at how repressed we are by comparison

The mentalities in Europe are pretty different too and I think Michelle would agree with me. South European countries are more conservative than the North European ones, Germany, Holland, Scandinavian countries. Even the British and the Irish obviously are more inclined towards a relationship when sex is involved. East European countries are becoming some kind of a mixture probably, oscillating between very conservative and very liberal tendencies. I suppose the North European countries tend to have a more experimental approach and less emotional but all this is a huge generalisation of course, and I doubt it will help the OP in any way.

[dickriculous]

I suppose the North European countries tend to have a more experimental approach and less emotional

They are not mutually exclusive. Emotions, relationships, monogamy, etc are a substantial part of every culture regardless of how lax their cultural bias toward sex is.

I don't think there's actually any such place as that where people are like "yeah we're all about experimenting and fukking around but not monogamy or any of those gay ass emotions, fukk that"! A sexually liberal place is a place where the mentality is more along the lines of "whether it's monogamy, swinging, fwb, or one nighters, there's something for everyone. It's all good as long as you're being true to yourself".

[toknow]

It's all good as long as you're being true to yourself".

That's dickridiculous.

Don't just say it, give an example of how in the world this will make you be "true to yourself"

[Valixy]

They are not mutually exclusive. Emotions, relationships, monogamy, etc are a substantial part of every culture regardless of how lax their cultural bias toward sex is.

I don't think there's actually any such place as that where people are like "yeah we're all about experimenting and fukking around but not monogamy or any of those gay ass emotions, fukk that"! A sexually liberal place is a place where the mentality is more along the lines of "whether it's monogamy, swinging, fwb, or one nighters, there's something for everyone. It's all good as long as you're being true to yourself".

All this sexual liberation is probably just a normal stage after centuries of censure and misconceptions. I doubt the excess is the most refined expression of human sexuality though. When the sexual energies will finally be balanced at individual level, we might rediscover sex as an expression of love and perpetuation of the species.

Sorry for derailing your thread, OP

[Jffs24]

isn't watching porn better than fcking someone and cheating on you? porn isn't cheating.

I'm gonna agree with this here.
Unless he is watching gay porn or child porn who gives a shit.

[michelle23]

No it's scientifically proven to be biological, but of course (as stated in the article) that there are people are going to have more of less drive out of the norm. That article just goes into layers on the topic, discussing things like cultural inviroment. It obvious the studies are not done in a Muslem controlled country.

I don't believe it. Men and women have been brainwashed for thousands of years that we are "different". Its all bollox. Most men get offended when women say all that stereotypical bollox about them and I do too when people say stereotypical bull about women

[Wakeup]

Yea, science is just bunk.

Do you have a source for those articles you've read, michelle? I've never read anything implying that it's okay to cheat and I'd like to see who is writing such things?

[michelle23]

Do you have a source for those articles you've read? I've never read anything implying that it's okay to cheat and I'd like to see who is writing such things. I don't think PUA articles even condone cheating. They often just don't necessarily agree to monogamy.

Here is an article saying that men should cheat and lie and that they apparently need to.. And that after two years, they are completely unsatisfied with their partner. To me it is LOL worthy. My sex life is sizzling after 5 years so screw you Eric Anderson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html

[horndog]

Here is an article saying that men should cheat and lie and that they apparently need to.. And that after two years, they are completely unsatisfied with their partner. To me it is LOL worthy. My sex life is sizzling after 5 years so screw you Eric Anderson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html

Michelle. if you are going to try to bolster your position with articles then you should probably read them first. You are completely misrepresenting the article you are quoting. This article does not in any way suggest that men should cheat and lie. Where the hell did you get that. What the article DOES discuss is the possibility that couples enter into open sexual relationships for recreational sex so that there is no need for lying and cheating.

****ing clueless.

[michelle23]

Michelle. if you are going to try to bolster your position with articles then you should probably read them first. You are completely misrepresenting the article you are quoting. This article does not in any way suggest that men should cheat and lie. Where the hell did you get that. What the article DOES discuss is the possibility that couples enter into open sexual relationships for recreational sex so that there is no need for lying and cheating.

****ing clueless.

It says that once half way through it you moron. The first half of it is saying why they should lie. F**k you

[Wakeup]

You said:

Plus all those articles you read about why men are not monogamous why its apparently okay or normal for men to cheat or to want to are written by American men.

The article said:

Monogamy isn't the only "proper" way to be in a relationship, and he says it's time that society finds "multiple forms of acceptable sexual relationship types -- including sexually open relationships -- that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony." It's especially important

This article is not condoning cheating though but rather taking a look a other sexual dynamics rather then monogamy.

People cheat. They don't have to if they explore those other options and everyone is on the same page.

Often you call anything other then monogamy "cheating." Polyamory is not cheating. Open relationships is not cheating. This article is not promoting cheating as you ascerted in post #29.

I know its really hard for you to wrap your head around having more then one sexual partner but that doesn't mean that your mis-guided assertions about Americans is werd. Just sayin, no need to defend your position any further.

I'll add that he's telling men to lie if they HAVE cheated because to do otherwise is going to end a perfectly good union that lacks nothing but sex. That's not telling me or anyone else to cheat nor is he condoning cheating... He's just telling it like it is.

Men (and women) in Ireland cheat, there are alcholics and drunken bastards that beat their wives, Catholic girls that get pregnant at 16 where aborition is illegal and all kinds of other anti-social goings on there just like there is everywhere. America doesnt have the market cornered on crappy behaviour.

I know you didn't mean what you said too... thing is, you said it.

[michelle23]

I can wrap my head around honest relationships whatever the dynamic but in this article he is promoting deceit and lies for 2/3 of it. Its only when further challenged that he mentions a thing about open relationships. I have read numerous articles that promote cheating and mention nothing about open relationships or honesty. Articles saying "women need to get over it" etc

[horndog]

It says that once half way through it you moron. The first half of it is saying why they should lie. F**k you

No michelle, it does not. Prove me wrong though and copy and past the paragraph where you do see that and I will gladly retract.

Further, the pool of participants in the study backing up the article was comprised of 120 undergrad students. LOL. Great choice of a pool. Should have just collected his research data in a sex club.