Girlfreind wants to start over?

[basilandthyme]

Well all is lost now anyway...I sent a message to her on Facebook to please take the butterfly down in her station (she is a stylist) that I got her for her birthday if her & I are truly done. I got back mean messages asking if I wanted to upset her at work (I didn't know she was still at work). She said yeah she will take it down & "fine then we're done"..

Ah, so I see you made it easy for her to dump you. It was so childish to demand she remove your gift from her wall - she's probably glad to see the back of you after that.

[Hopelessheart]

Yep, I agree, I ****ed up royally on that...I got bad news the day before about my uncle passing away & had no outlet for my emotions. Everything built up & I said something I shouldn't have, something I regretted as soon as it was sent...the problem with emails, messages, texts is that there is no taking them back so it's on me now. It was her & I having such problems, death in the family, lousy home life, the fact that knowing tomorrow was Independence Day (knowing I was not spending it with her). My emotions got the best of me & I reacted horribly.

I feel bad about the whole situation but there I nothing I can do to change it. We talked yesterday & I told her I'd leave her be & if she wants to talk to me again ill leave that up to her.

Live & learn with life's mistakes, I honestly in the whole situation am probably better off without her, as hard as that is to say.

[Hopelessheart]

In being fair to my situation, I wanted it to be known that I acted horribly yesterday & now I'm at fault, out of fairness to her.

[Hopelessheart]

Well with the way i acted, i dont deserve any sympathy anylonger, But anyway, thanks to everyone here for the advice & positive warm thoughts! It helped alot & I'll just have to realize not to act this way when I'm hurt.

I hope for nothing but great things for everyone who read & posted.

[smackie9]

Don't feel too bad you did the right thing. Finally she gets to feel the pain of a breakup. She was using you to buffer her last breakup and this "I need space" but keep you around was just a repat of the samething...avoiding feeling the pain. She really needed this.

[Hopelessheart]

Yeah but it was like a knife through my heart last night, especially the part of hurting her. I swear it hurt more to hear her cry the way she did than for her to say, " as of tonight we are done & I can forgive what you said, but there is nothing you can say or do to fix this or change my mind as of this moment tonight"

Idk she seems like it's not what she wanted to do but I pushed it, she got so upset on the phone that she said she didn't want to talk anymore & was still crying when she said goodbye. It was an awful feeling...

[smackie9]

No she is trying to force the guilt onto you when in reality she brought this onto herself. You really didn't have a choice but to settle this. She was not being fair to you, and yet she flags you as the bad guy. Screw that bull shit, don't let her guilt you out. Don't kidd yourself you are givng her what she wants, her freedom.

If she really meant that much to you, she would have begged to work things out....

[Hopelessheart]

You have an excellent point, I just felt I made the bad situation worse by doing that, I mean I got that as a gift for her & it's hers to do with what she wishes, I should not have acted immaturely by telling her what to do. Basically I told her if she ever wants to talk to me or see me again that is her choice, as she knows my number & where I live. I also told her I cannot be friends with her as I cannot shut off feelings I have.

As it stands she can contact me if she wants, I'm picking up the pieces of me & will not expect anything, I cannot control this, so I'm just going to move on, if she stumbles back in my life she does, if she doesn't then I can reflect on when I felt true love for someone I'd have done anything for.

[smackie9]

Ya I had a feeling she was trying to stick you in the friends zone.....I think she is upset about having to be alone rather than losing a love. You said all the right things my dear good for you. Most posters that come on here cling on for dear life while they get walked on emotionally. It's real refreshing to see someone with some self worth.

Whatever happens happens......best of luck.

[VincenzoG91]

I really think its a little of both...I tried talking to her over the last 2 weeks, I saw her twice during this period, once on a Saturday for a few hours & another time for about an hour because I needed to pick up my car. One night she blew me off by saying she was tired & did not want to come over to my place stating she was tired, I thought nothing of it. Until she was busy the whole next week, but it wasn't just projects, she was out with friends bar hopping. I do not care if that is what she wants to do but over the course of the last three weeks, she is simply not making any effort or time for me. As far as talking every day, she never complained & seemed to like that I took an interest in her. I didn't think I was smothering at all because sometimes we wouldn't talk that much through the day.

I do think she has someone else she may be seeing as well, that I didn't know about until a few days ago. There is a new guy on her Facebook that comments & likes everything she posts about no more than 5 mins after she posts it. No I was not fb stalking but when I'd check my fb and saw posts from her, I saw his name always there.

She asked to maybe go back to taking it slow & I agreed. I asked about dating others (I cannot handle this) & she said it should not be set in stone to not date other people, as she did not want the title of bf/gf or relationship, as it's too heavy for her

Yes she wants more time for projects she has but it just seems like she is over the relationship & me. I felt like any suggestion I had fell on def ears and after every phone conversation she would say her & I were fine. Obviously we weren't. I did tell her the last time I talked to her to work out her issues & projects, that when she was done I'd be there & she nearly cried. She also said that she wants to work herself to the point of exhaustion & be alone, I get it she is done with the relationship, I tried harder to work things out with her than anyone else. Ever.

So as it stands right now I think I have exhausted all of my options & NC is best. I can have a clear head, knowing I gave my best shot. I love her like no other before & it hurts to let go but it's the chance I have to take. I do not want this at all. I hate feeling this way actually. Wanting something you can't have is awful. I would love for everything to be ok, but I feel chances of that are next to none now & I'm just trying to get back to me & focus on life. If it was meant to be, it will be.

4blossoms thanks for the different perspective on my situation! ��

The Facebook guy is the real story. All that talk about suffocation was bullshit. Here's what really happened: she met that Facebook guy and was attracted to him immediately. She is a shallow person who values that initial rush from the early part of a relationship, so she keeps breaking up and moving on to new relationships to keep getting that rush. After six months with you, she just wasn't feeling the excitement anymore, and she is too immature to appreciate the more subtle pleasures of a long-term relationship. But she wasn't sure about the new guy yet, so she wanted to keep you around as a spare. But she didn't want to feel guilty about cheating on you, so she wanted to Start Over with you. Why? Because it's reasonable to date more than one person if you haven't made a commitment to one of them, as long as it's early in the relationship. By starting over with you, she could reset the clock to justify dating another guy at the same time.

You made the right choice by breaking up with her. She didn't treat you right. Stay no contact, and get on with your life, and you will meet somebody better. Good luck.

[Hopelessheart]

It's just I can't cling on to someone who is emotionally unavailable. She said that she wants to be alone & free to do what she wishes. I do have the feeling that she did not want to break things off as a whole but just saw me as a roadblock rather than a help & supplement to her happiness. Do I think I did enough to warrant her to treat me the way she did, no. I can see things slightly from her perspective as well.

I'm leaving her be & moving on but not actively seeking anyone. If she tells me in the future that she would like to start again & I'm single then I'd consider it, but there would have to be ground rules set. I am not in denial or waiting around, but I really don't think she wanted it to be over, I just know I cannot be just friends. She can have all of me or none of me.
As it stands I'm done trying to fight for the relationship & her. I know for a fact that her being single/alone is not what she wants either as she told me it's not making her happy. I think she is stuck between wanting to be an adult, but still act juvenile with partying every night. For someone who told me she is starting to feel the biological clock ticking, it apparently doesn't bother her that much.

It makes perfect sense to have the whatever happens happens mentality because I did not ask for this & cannot control the situation, it's funny that you said that because I just said that earlier in the day! But yeah I have a definite self-worth & I can make some other girl happy, if she does not want me! I can do nothing but be positive right now as being negative gets you no where.

[Hopelessheart]

She has some important papers to drop off at my place & has not done it yet, so idk I'll see how she is towards me when she arrives & decides to bring them, she is also going on vacation with her mom very soon & maybe that is what she needs to clear her head as well. No I am not expecting anything good to happen, but not expecting bad either.

When I did talk to her the other night, she claimed she is physically sick over our situation, hasn't been sleeping or eating well the last couple of days...I don't know if that was bs or not.

[Hopelessheart]

VincenzoG91
That would make alot of sense, as she deleted me from her Facebook & when I asked her about it, she said she didn't want me to see what she was doing...the thing about it is not that I didn't trust her, I didn't trust him as I know why guys are usually friends with girls...they would love to get them in bed...

[smackie9]

Always go by their actions, and not what comes out of their mouth........remember that.

[Hopelessheart]

That is so true, it just bothers me that she said she doesn't want a relationship now...she said why couldn't she have met me 6 months from when we started talking originally? She said she feels she would have been ready then...I agree 100 with you that if she really wanted to make it work & loved me as much as she said she did then she would have stayed & tried. Not made me the only person trying...it still sucks but at least it was better today than anyother day in the last 2-3 weeks, as the relationship ended before we called it quits.

I'm curious to what she'll say when I see her again...