BF ego problem after we wrestled

[Gigabitch]

Heh heh. That kinda happened to me once- I threw my 6'3", 200 lb. ex-husband down when he made light of me training at a Muay Thai gym.

Anyway, explain to him that the reason you do this is to make yourself more formidable to opponents, not to wrestle on the floor with him. Ask him how he would feel if you were assaulted and managed to kick the guy's ass? I'll bet he would think that was pretty cool, right?

God, I hope so. If he wants you to be a weak female, you might want to reconsider him as a serious boyfriend. It doesn't sound like you're that kind of girl.

[NeoSeminole]

giga, will you be my b*tch?

[Gribble]

Back in high school, when I was serious about going to the gym and boxing, I met this incredibly gorgeous asian chick. She was a kick boxer, and a damn good one. She competed regularly, traveled to tournaments all over the world, and knocked other girls the **** out.

Anyway, just for fun I challenged her to a sparring match. No real contact. Just little love taps. Up to that point I thought I was quick. She proved me wrong. That girl danced around me, dodged or blocked everything I threw, and hit me anywhere she chose.

I gotta say, it didn't bother me too much. I found it something of a turn on.

It helped knowing that if it were a real fight I could literally have killed her, though. I probably had 90 pounds on her. I could have given her the old prison yard rush and had her pinned and helpless.

[anachronistic]

I know the martial art of Hapkido.

Anyhow, I'd feel like a dumbass if I got beat by a girl too. But your boyfriend is being a jerk about it. You should tell him that.

[jenster]

Heh heh. That kinda happened to me once- I threw my 6'3", 200 lb. ex-husband down when he made light of me training at a Muay Thai gym.

Anyway, explain to him that the reason you do this is to make yourself more formidable to opponents, not to wrestle on the floor with him. Ask him how he would feel if you were assaulted and managed to kick the guy's ass? I'll bet he would think that was pretty cool, right?

God, I hope so. If he wants you to be a weak female, you might want to reconsider him as a serious boyfriend. It doesn't sound like you're that kind of girl.

Giga...

What was your ex's reaction when you floored him? Did it have anything to do w/why he's now your ex?

and what does your current guy think of your martial arts skills?

I ask b/c it definitely helps to hear a female perspective, esp. from someone who's gone thru something similar. i appreciate any help you can give me.

and as for Emo's question, we are both 24 and yes, we're sexually active. (Although this problem has put a damper on things)...

He STILL wants a rematch and insists he can beat me...he sez I won't take him on again b/c I want to "lord it over him" that I beat him twice.

I don't really WANT to let him win...i dont think that would help anything in the long run...but short of breaking up w/him altogether, i dont see much other options.

[Gigabitch]

giga, will you be my b*tch?

What was your ex's reaction when you floored him? Did it have anything to do w/why he's now your ex?

He was totally shocked. This guy could fight and has four tough sisters- he wasn't expecting that from me at all. Neither of us ever spoke of it again, but I think it made him take me more seriously as a person. Didn't help that doomed marriage, though.

and what does your current guy think of your martial arts skills?

He thinks it's hot and that I should go back to that gym (the trainer I bonded with moved away and I felt abandoned, so I stopped going).

He STILL wants a rematch and insists he can beat me...

Shame the hell out of him. Ask him why he would want to beat his girlfriend down and tell him you think it's really hurting your feelings that he wants to put his boot on your neck like that. Find some other way of making him feel that the balance of power is, indeed, in balance, but do NOT submit to him. It will damage your relationship.

Find some way of stroking his ego, I don't know, call him up late at night and ask him to come over because you have the creeps or something, or get all emotional and cry on his shoulder, telling him you don't know what you'd do without him.

[jenster]

He was totally shocked. This guy could fight and has four tough sisters- he wasn't expecting that from me at all. Neither of us ever spoke of it again, but I think it made him take me more seriously as a person.

Exactly what I would wish my BF would do--take me more seriously instead of being his "eye candy" GF...


He thinks it's hot and that I should go back to that gym

I thought my BF might find it hot, too...but his ego issues are all in the way...




Shame the hell out of him. Ask him why he would want to beat his girlfriend down and tell him you think it's really hurting your feelings that he wants to put his boot on your neck like that. Find some other way of making him feel that the balance of power is, indeed, in balance, but do NOT submit to him. It will damage your relationship.

I really do not want to let him beat me. I think it's dishonest and also unfair to me. I worked hard to get my yellow belt, and took a lot of bumps and bruises along the way...i think for me, letting him win would be too hard to do, esp. since i know he would say 'see? i told you it was only luckhen ypu beat me b4.'
Find some way of stroking his ego, I don't know, call him up late at night and ask him to come over because you have the creeps or something, or get all emotional and cry on his shoulder, telling him you don't know what you'd do without him.

I have already told him I dont care who's better at wrestling--that i still see him as the totally hot guy i went after even tho' other guys were after me...it hasnt helped to this point. Thats why i think the only solution is to let him pin me and let him think he's the physically dominant one again....but as you said above, and I agree--that brings its own problems too..

I was also thinking that maybe the thing to do is say "fine--you want one more chance to beat me--i'll give it to you--but after that...no more...we accept the outcome, whoever wins...and then promise to move on. One more match, and that's it."

[Junket]

Me and my girlfriend had a 3 wrestling matches.

2 out of 3 wins.

10 second pin, no tickling, (this has to be stated).

She probably has about 15-20 more pounds on me, but I got her the first time.

The 2nd and 3rd time however, she beat me outright.

Was a bit frustrating, but what can I say? She won fair and square to the rules. And it's comforting to know she isn't a little priss.

[jenster]

Me and my girlfriend had a 3 wrestling matches.

2 out of 3 wins.

10 second pin, no tickling, (this has to be stated).

She probably has about 15-20 more pounds on me, but I got her the first time.

The 2nd and 3rd time however, she beat me outright.

Was a bit frustrating, but what can I say? She won fair and square to the rules. And it's comforting to know she isn't a little priss.

I wish my BF was as mature as you. Your GF is lucky!
BTW, did you challenge her or did she challenge you? Were you surprised that she beat you?

[IndiReloaded]

He STILL wants a rematch and insists he can beat me...he sez I won't take him on again b/c I want to "lord it over him" that I beat him twice.

LOL. This is still a problem?

I still say you should ask your sensei for advice, but off the top of my head, I wonder why you just don't give him what he wants.

If you are fairly sure it won't escalate to outright violence (if in doubt, don't), why don't you keep beating him? He seems a slow learner. And good practice for you.

If he learns to beat you, then its good training for you.

[Junket]

I wish my BF was as mature as you. Your GF is lucky!
BTW, did you challenge her or did she challenge you? Were you surprised that she beat you?

Nah, we do it just for fun.

It usually starts off with something silly we disagree upon and someone will initiate it with "I'll fight you."

I wasn't particularly surprised, 'cause we've wrestled before and she's already proven herself tough to take down.

[DoesntMatter]

I gotta say, it didn't bother me too much. I found it something of a turn on.

Haha no kidding !

[anachronistic]

why does he want to do it? is he that sexist "the man is more powerful than the lady" type?

[jenster]

LOL. This is still a problem?

I still say you should ask your sensei for advice, but off the top of my head, I wonder why you just don't give him what he wants.

If you are fairly sure it won't escalate to outright violence (if in doubt, don't), why don't you keep beating him? He seems a slow learner. And good practice for you.

If he learns to beat you, then its good training for you.

Well, I dont disagree w/you completely. i feel like he has it coming to him since he's so convinced that a girl cant beat him--even tho' I know judo and he doesnt.

maybe next time he challenges me I will just say "bring it on!"

[DoesntMatter]

is he that sexist "the man is more powerful than the lady" type?

Maybe he isn't, but I am. That's because when you're talking in generalities that is a truthful statement. Of course there are exceptions, but if 90% of men are physically stronger than the average woman, you should be able to say that men are stronger than women. Anyone with a gram of intelligence would know the person doesn't mean every single man is stronger than every single women.

If a woman took testosterone she too would develop muscles