Embarrassed towards girls

[GrkScorp]

I just realized that i may face some problems talking to this girl in class, since after and before class she is surrounded by her friends, and she is only busy with them. And also at lunch break, she hangs out with her friends, but i always try to find her if she is aone, but finding her alone seems to be impossible. So what do you suggest me to do?

Fair enough.. but to not waste alot of time, i'll say this.. (that's just an excuse)..

Yes, you want to drink some coconut juice, but you can't get to it.. do you give up? depends on how badly you want it.. eventually.. you'll use your fingers if you have to, so you can break through the coconut..

Her friends are around her! Oh no!! (sarcasm).. what's that supposed to mean? All I told you was to say "Hi! and smile" to her every other day.. it doesn't matter of the Secret Service is around her.. you can still look at her before class starts.. say hi, and smile.. then sit down..

As for talking to her before class when her friends are around.. you might want to wait a week or so.. in that time.. i'm SURE there's going to be an instant where she's not talking to her friends.. and she's relatively jobless (not busy).. so man-up.. (because this is your only chance!).. and go up to her relaxed.. and invite her to go out.. the way I told you to.. don't give her the option to say (no) or to make (excuses).. and don't let her think about it and get back to you (because it'll most likely be a no, or an excuse for why she can't)..

But.. if there's something specific about her friends that is bothering you.. start being casually more talkative with her friends in other classes.. Start saying hi to them, give a warm friendly smile to all of them, agree with them in class, etc.. sooner or later.. their cold-rock-hard-shell will start to break.. and they'll let you into their friend circle.. heck.. they may even invite you to go out with them sometime.. (if that happens.. get out of it.. tell them "can't do it that day.. sorry.. BUT.. I was planning on going to (someplace) next weekend.. maybe we could all go then?").. you want to build up the mood as if YOU have invited them.. or else you will simply feel awkward and reserved.. which is NOT what you should be feeling.. if anything.. you should feel like you've invited a couple of girls to hang out.. and now they're all comming out with you.. that should get your ego up.. but don't let it get to your head..

If you can't isolate her.. use indirect communication.. (inside jokes only you and her understand, eye contact, basically anything that her friends can't pick up on.. don't use direct comments.. "oh that looks nice, I really like the way you.. blah blah".. her friends will pick that up before it even gets out of your mouth..)

So, basically.. you're stuck doing 1 of 2 things..

1. Direct.. She's talking to her friends.. you go march in there.. and ask to hang out that weekend.. (requires a high degree of "smooth" to do this.. and chances are.. if you're on this forum asking me what you should do.. you're not quite up there just yet..)

2. Indirect.. Talk-up her friends.. make sure they like you.. they don't feel intimidated by you.. and they don't sense your motives.. that way.. during class.. (before it starts).. when you see her talking to her friends.. it's not awkward anymore to go use the direct method.. because in a way.. you'll be comfortable with her friends.. and it'll almost be like you all know eachother and are all friends.. but if this is the case.. don't make a personal reference to HER.. that's being direct.. you're too young to use that kind of flattery around her friends.. (not your fault.. just girls at that age.. and high school social dynamics).. so this is why you have to wait until she has as few friends around her as possible.. and go ask THEM, or (if she's alone) HER..

WARNING: girls are two steps ahead of you.. when you're done talking.. they're going to go and tell their friends what happened.. and it's like a CSI episode where the forensic analysts all come together to see what's really going on.. so if you invite HER and leave it at that.. they're going to discover.. "oh! he's asking you on a date! ahahah".. yeah, so don't do that.. cover up your tracks.. with the aid (tool) of ambiguity & mystery.. if you ask her to come somewhere.. make sure to say (oh, and ask anyone else "her friends" if they want to come..).. in her mind.. and in her friends' minds.. they can't exactly call it a date proposition.. so it's way less threatening.. so your chances of getting a flat-out (no) on the spot are rare..

So, start being more active.. less passive.. more creative.. and more friendly..

like the old saying goes.. "you win more with honey than with vinegar"

[sevag00]

As for talking to her before class when her friends are around.. you might want to wait a week or so.. in that time.. i'm SURE there's going to be an instant where she's not talking to her friends.. and she's relatively jobless (not busy).. so man-up.. (because this is your only chance!).. and go up to her relaxed.. and invite her to go out.. the way I told you to.. don't give her the option to say (no) or to make (excuses).. and don't let her think about it and get back to you (because it'll most likely be a no, or an excuse for why she can't)..

How do you know and Why in a week or so she'll be alone?

[sevag00]

Yesterday at school, and in lunch break, she was alone, and she was not in a good mood, she was sad, and i was looking at her every few minutes, and i was worried. So i was thinking of what i am going to say her when i approach her, so i thinked for 10 minutes, and approached her, and said "why are you said?" she responded "for no reason", then i moved on, and went to my friends.
Now i regret that i didn't ask her further questions, so she would think i care for her, which i really care for her.

[v0ndutch]

Yesterday at school, and in lunch break, she was alone, and she was not in a good mood, she was sad, and i was looking at her every few minutes, and i was worried. So i was thinking of what i am going to say her when i approach her, so i thinked for 10 minutes, and approached her, and said "why are you said?" she responded "for no reason", then i moved on, and went to my friends.
Now i regret that i didn't ask her further questions, so she would think i care for her, which i really care for her.

"no reason" doesn't mean the same thing for guys and girls. plus you should try to do what Scorp says, take that one moment you have to go talk to her alone, don't waste it. you had the chance to speak to her alone and you just let it go to waste! what you should have done is go up to her after just 1 minute and say something mildly funny to her like "it's 500". then when she would ask you want, you could tell her "half of 1000, I thought that's what you were thinking of". It's obviously not what she would be thinking of, but it would at least make her laugh. then you could go on an ask her what's wrong, and when she tells you no reason, don't leave! that's the worst thing you can do, it just shows her that you don't understand her! when she says no reason, you're supposed to say "why do you look upset? what r u thinking about? where did your friends go? why are you sitting here alone? you wanna come over to our table?"

this is exactly the chance you were looking for, and you blew it. like Scorp said, you only get a few chances from now until you move onto the friend zone, and you only get two or three chances to mess up, and this is a major screw up, you blew it. it has to come naturally, which is why if you have issues, work them out at home or away from school. when you see her, you should be able to think on your feet. if a guy took 10 minutes just to talk up himself to come over and speak to me, only to say one thing and then leave, it would show me that he's shy and clueless, and i'd be very put off.

to add to how much of a good opportunity you missed, i'll tell you this. when i'm upset, everyone leaves me alone. but secretly, deep down inside, i'll admit, I want someone to come up to me, and instead of trying to flirt with me at the wrong time, i'd like them to come up and ask me if i'm feeling ok, what's wrong, and all that. and I would probably just say that "nothing" is wrong, because I can't quite place my finger on one thing. but if someone would come up to me, and just talk, I would be really blown away. it would show me that they're sensitive, caring, understanding, and it would make a positive and lasting impression. some guys just naturally see that chance and take it, you have to learn how to see those open doors with girls. looks like you have some major shyness issues to work on. so go work on them, every day! work on them at home, go on chats and talk up random girls, no harm done. go in front of the mirror and practice smiling or talking. try on clothes that you think make you look better. but just do something and work on it soon, because it's not long until she thinks about your one line chat and places you in her "not interested" pool of guys.

[sevag00]

I agree with you, i had this chance and i blew it. I dont know why i didn't think about asking her more questions. I realized that after i went home.

[sevag00]

I also want to add that, i got her email maybe few weeks ago, but it seems that she is never going to be online on msn messenger, maybe we can have a chat.
Every weekend, i am having high hopes that she'll be online, but it is not working.