Someone, please help me...I'm dying inside

[lovemenot]

Awww..so sorry to her about your argument with your mum. But I hope it will pass, she is your mum after all;]
And, yes of course take a week away with your girls if you can. it will definitely help you forget him at least for a while. And then the more time goes by the more you will be able to spend without thinking about him and it will all be good again eventually....

And I feel horrible at the moment actually. I can see on facebook that HE was logged in almost 9 hours ago that was 5AM. Now it's extremely unusual for him. He is most of the time on fb if he is on his computer and even when he is not, he still checks it every ones in a while..so I just can't let go of the thought that he got up extremely early and drove to another country to see his ex. I know this sounds ridiculous and I sound like a crazy stalker, but I am just can't help it... It's my worst fear that he will get back together with her. That would mean he never meant anything he told me and all the reasons he said why he didn't wanna be with me, were all lies... I don't know how I would survive that...just wanna cry again thinking about all this..

[WiltedRose]

Awww hunny I can do relate to that and what had helped me is thining of all the times he said and did things that upset me for instance he went through my phone whilst I was asleep (he had my pin I had nothing to hide!) but I still felt so invaded!!! Anyway I just think well he'll still be doing all that to her!! Jelous of her criticising her making her feel like she's not enough! They will never change thier ways with anyone else!!


Keep strong beautiful xx

[lovemenot]

I am trying my best..but it's so hard... Sometimes I do feel much better and really think he's and stupid a**hole and I get mad at him and fell like I am really worth so much more
But then there are also times like now, when I just can't help it and I am totally overwhelmed with all the beautiful memories we had together and keep wondering what he's doing and keep stalking him and his ex online to find any evidence of them getting back together. I mean if at least know something for sure I could just move on.
But he said he would definitely tell me if he got back together with her.
Maybe he just partied way to hard last nigh (was supposed to be one of his friends b-day) and is simply sleeping off his hangover now... And this whole nonsense is just in my head.
Anyways, I wrote a letter to a psychologist, hopefully she can offer some insight or something... I really need some serious help I think...

How are you holding up so far? How was your daughter's prom?

[WiltedRose]

The prom went fabulously thanks Hun I'll try and put a pic on my profile she looked like princess


And I'm not to bad now but I did end up at his last night we had a lovely night together but I really really have to stop all contact now he really needs to sort himself out


I hope you're ok love

- - - Updated - - -

Put a couple of pics on hope you can see them?

[lovemenot]

I am happy to hear that about the prom:] can't see the pictures though..;[ (says "This album does not have any photos.")
Even more happy to hear that you are ok now;] Hope you will manage to stop all the contact and will get over him ;]

I am doing ok too, thank's. We've been messaging again for the last two days, he initiated it both times and was really nice and felt close again. Not just about studies or work..Was nice. Writing to my therapist I learned that I most likely just have some deep fear of rejection and I am seeing things I am most afraid of and blowing everything way out of proportion. His life really was very difficult the last couple of weeks and that's why he was like this. So I just decided to give him his space so he can sort things out and and focus on my self, studying and own psychological issues. I feel calm and peaceful finally. Hopefully everything will be ok;]

[WiltedRose]

So glad to hear it!! I feel quite peaceful today and have no desire to contact him

[Snow White]

Dear lovemenot, I didn't say those things so you could beat yourself up. We all want to be loved and adored. We all want to see the best in others. We just all do not have the same intentions. I really do feel women tend to romanticize things much more and put more meaning and importance into a sexual relationship than a man will. You are not all the terrible things you are calling yourself, but PLEASE learn from this experience. You have the power over your happiness and how you are treated. ALWAYS listen to your gut! If something just doesn't feel right, then it isn't. YOU decide how you want to be treated. Don't settle for anything less. Don't let someone treat you like you would never treat them.

[WiltedRose]

Advice needed ha well on my drunken night out you know I went to my exs :s but before this I was enjoying myself but feel a bit ashamed and in a pickle don't worry it's not really that bad anyway I was with my friends and we some some of her friends out a few men like I said I was drunk and I am a friendly person and not being big headed my small feminine frame and crazy curly hair does draw attention anyway he was lovely and I was attracted but 7 years younger then me! His friend asked for my phone so he could put his number in! We had a peck then moved on he's messaged me since saying how attractive I am and he'd like to take me for dinner this was yest I left it a while and said I was very drunk and probably told him I was going thru some heartbreak and needed to clear my head before moving on also that he seemed Nice! He said you should only feel pain if you've lost someone (died haha!) and he'd still like to take me out to talk about life!! I haven't really responded I'm really not ready to start anything else and am a little uncomfortable with it now he wants to add me on Facebook too what do I do!!

Also I also have 2 more issues I will ask about at work haha all from 1 night never going out again!!


So mistake number 2 haha I saw a cousin out that I haven't really seen for years so we had a chat and he asked about my family I got a bit upset and told him I had a huge fight with my mother and that she want led to hit me only thing is his mum is my mums sister and they don't get on at all so my aunt will find this amusing! And I'm worried it will come back to my mother! I did do the grown up thing and paid her a visit yesterday things seemed batter plus we are all on holiday in 3 weeks! Anyway do I tell my mum or if it ever comes out say I can't remember because I was so very drunk hahah?


Right mistake number 3 I saw one of my customers out been cutting his hair a couple of years now and told him that he needs to find another hairdresser because I fancy him and he must have noticed me getting embarrassed hahaha god I wish I could go back to Friday!!! Anyway he said he's not getting another hairdresser because I have a boyfriend I said I don't anymore he said something on the lines of you're pretty and a kiss and cuddle won't hurt & his leg was so pressed up against mine! (he's getting married and also 15 years young then me!) we are alone when he comes in so do I ask my sis to be here or insist he goes somewhere else?


Also the obvious mistake in going to my exs afterwards but I don't regret that I feel like we have ended things on a high! And will continue to love and miss him from a distance x

[lovemenot]

Well, I would suggest you just talk to your mum and explain her everything. It's better she finds that out from you than someone else.

And about all those guys. I would suggest you stay away from them. You are still not over your ex and you would just be jumping in the arms of anyone who just shows you some affection and they can probably sense that you are broken and vulnerable and they might just use you. You don't wanna be hurt again so fast. I might be wrong of course about their intentions, but it's better to be safe than sorry. In your fragile condition it is really really important for you to protect yourself now. So if I were you I wouldn't risk it and just keep my distance from them. It is important you find yourself again at this point and learn to be content and confident and happy on your own without any guys for now

Hope you're still doing ok)

[Markdg61]

I am trying my best..but it's so hard... Sometimes I do feel much better and really think he's and stupid a**hole and I get mad at him and fell like I am really worth so much more
But then there are also times like now, when I just can't help it and I am totally overwhelmed with all the beautiful memories we had together and keep wondering what he's doing and keep stalking him and his ex online to find any evidence of them getting back together. I mean if at least know something for sure I could just move on.
But he said he would definitely tell me if he got back together with her.
Maybe he just partied way to hard last nigh (was supposed to be one of his friends b-day) and is simply sleeping off his hangover now... And this whole nonsense is just in my head.
Anyways, I wrote a letter to a psychologist, hopefully she can offer some insight or something... I really need some serious help I think...

How are you holding up so far? How was your daughter's prom?

I wouldn't call it stalking, I would call it investigating. I did the same thing after my ex broke up with me because I was left with do many unanswered questions. Through Facebook and "investigating" her profile, I learned a lot and found answers to the question I had.

There was a lot of uneasiness with the memories. I would try not to think of them but there were so many triggers. Whenever I drove past the exit off the highway that lead to her house, whenever I saw the same type of car she drove. Whenever I met someone with her same name. It was devastating to me. I couldn't eat. I lost almost 40 lbs or 18 kilos depending where you're from. Eventually the emptiness I'm my stomach went away and I was able to put it all behind me and move forward any you will too one day.

I wishes you the best.. ☺

[WiltedRose]

Thanks Hun I will have to pick a good time to speak to my mum!


I've declined the first guy as you're right I have told him and he was being very insistent on meeting up which makes me think he wants one thing!!! And the other I don't have contact for but he does have an appointment coming up! (For his bloody wedding!) I feel so stupid but I'll make sure I have a work friend with me but with any luck he will go else where!

Thanks for replying I've been feeling very shameful all day and also thinking and looking for my ex online which is is probably do the same as he is haha but I haven't had the urge to message I've just smiled but i do wondering how he's doing.


Hope you're doing better

[pcmaster]

So how is it going [MENTION=78360]lovemenot[/MENTION] ? Did you got over the guy already?

[lovemenot]

[MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION] thank you for caring:]
I had some realizations over the weekend. I wouldn't say I got over him already, at least not completely. But I am calm now and found some inner peace finally. I realized I need to learn to be happy being single and to find my true self again. I kind of lost myself trying to make him like me during these last few months. So I really need to focus on my own self growth and work with myself to become a better person and a better woman;] And also really need to focus on studying, only two months left and still have a lot to learn. So I am not letting myself to think about all the memories and losing him anymore. Trying to stay positive :]

And I also wrote a very detailed letter to a therapist, didn't even send it, but just writing it I went through our entire story and realized all these worries were really just in my head. I learned I have some issues myself, that I also need to work on. And he really has got loads of problems (which were the reason for him being distant lately) and I just need to let him be for now and give him his space to sort himself out. And just be there for him as friend.

And now we are actually like old times again. He texts me every day and we talk about all kinds of stuff, not so cold and distant anymore. We meet at school everyday and laugh and have a great time. But I no longer expect that every time we meet will be the time he tells me he wants me back. Though to be completely honest I still hope for that to happen some day, but for now I am sincerely ok with being just friends and being single;]

And I feel very optimistic about the future. Even if won't end up together. It will all be ok:]

Thank you all for your advice. You all helped me a lot in this journey;]

- - - Updated - - - [MENTION=85848]WiltedRose[/MENTION]
Yes I know how you must have been feeling. I felt very shameful every time after I slept with him. Took me several times to clearly overthink everything and decide definitely to stop.

I think you will still wonder how he is doing for quite a while. But in time it will be less and less until you barely think of him couple times a months.
I don't think you can ever forget such love totally. I still think about my first true love from time to time, but I think about him with a smile and sincerely hope he's alright and I am happy remembering everything. I hope I can do the same about this guy one day, if we won't end up together. And I hope you can remember yours like this too some day;]

[lovemenot]

Need some warm hugs and reassuring words today...

Last night we went out like every wednesday to a pub quiz night.
And I had one too many beers and feel quite hungover today.
And it's cold and raining all day and on days like these I really start to miss him.
Being hungover I can't really focus and study, so I just lay in bed watching tv shows and wishing he was here with me. So we could both just cuddle up together warm and cozy and live through our hangover together eating ice cream and watching cartoons...
And I am all disappointed in myself for drinking too much and feel sad and ashamed. But at least we didn't have sex. Even though he missed his last bus last night, so I suggested him to stay over (I live close by) and he said "no, I can't. I know how that's gonna end".

And I still believe in all those things I said before about focusing on myself and stuff.
It's just that days like this are particularly difficult and all my dreams about us being together start coming back together with fears of us never being together again...:[ And all my inner peace and strength seems to be gone somewhere... :[

[pcmaster]

Looks your are really poisoned with toxic love for this guy. It will take long time to get over him but you never get over the guy if you keep contact.
I think really stupid in all this story is that you two holding back to make this a real official relationship despite that practicaly it was already a real relationship, its just you didnt gave it a label and its like you both are afraid of commitment. Sure nobody want to get hurt but thats exactly how you get hurt in this situation. Its seems like you both have build a wall between yourselves despite that feelings are there and theoretical you both can be a couple and dont hold back. All I see here is wall between two hearts.